Long Distance Relationship Help
Okay this is gonna be kind of long but I'd really appreciate if someone read it and gave me some advice.
I've been in a long distance relationship since the start of the summer after meeting a girl online and just instantly clicking with her. I was always sceptical about ldrs but from the moment I met this girl I knew there was something special about her. We ended up talking as friends for about a month and hardly ever stopped talking we became quite attached to each other.
So eventually after admitting my feelings to her she admitted them back and we decided to try being in a relationship instead of waiting till it would be possible to be together in person because we had both fallen for each other. (she lives in the US and I the UK).
From then on everything was amazing, we continued to spend so much time talking and ended up Skyping everyday for long periods of time and we both fell so in love with each other. The only strain on our relationship is that I suffer from depression and sometimes I'd have an episode and it would stress her out a bit but I'm getting help now so hopefully moving past it.
3 weeks ago, however, we had our first bad week together. My depression got quite bad for a week and things got quite strained between us and we fell out a couple times but I didn't think it was anything we couldn't move past. But that led to her sleeping round her friends house that Friday and then (with a push from her friends) she texted me saying how she'd been having doubts about us and wanted to break up. However, later on that night she texted me back saying how she needed me and we ended up talking the whole night and staying together.
The next day she told me how her friends had pushed her to break up with me and that she was crying when writing the message and one of her friends had to finish it off for her. She then told me she was so happy that I didn't give up on her and she even cried happy tears because of how much I loved and cared about her. We then had a few great days where things were back to normal and we were back to our normal loving selves. I could even tell by the way she looked at me that she still loved me.
But then on that Tuesday she seemed t change again, she came home and told me how she was still having doubts about us and that she couldn't deal with loving me so much one day and then having doubts the next. Obviously I was upset which didn't help things that night and she went to sleep. So the next day when I'd calmed down a bit I asked her what doubts and she said she didn't know but that she didn't love me as much anymore. (which i found extremely confusing considering how we were only a day or two ago and the fact she even cried because she was so happy.) I decided to try and do something that would usually make her happy and asked her if she felt anything towards me. She said no but she got mad at me and threatened to hang up the call which I also found strange considering if she didn't feel anything then surely she'd just be blank?
I decided that I wasn't getting anywhere by trying to talk to her the next day so I sent her a long message pouring my heart out to her and told her if she changed her mind I would be here and then attempted to give her space to think.
But on the Friday night I kinda cracked and asked her if she was okay, she said no and that she felt numb and needed to cut. I managed to talk her out of it though and she took some sleeping pills and went to sleep. - This is when I started to suspect that her depression had come back since she had therapy for it a while ago and had been better.
The next day she woke up and texted me saying that she felt better but I could tell that she still didn't. We ended up talking that whole day like normal but she was extremely cold towards me and I didn't understand why but I didn't question her about it I just assumed she was just in a bad place right then. That night she then showed me a song she was writing to air her emotions (music is her life and she always expresses herself through it.) She had lyrics like "I don't know what to do" "I feel really confused".
The next morning is when things got bad between us. I woke up to a post on her secret instagram account that only a couple people close to her know about. She had written things about not being cared about and being sorry she exists and basically that she was feeling suicidal. So obviously I became extremely worried about her, I tried to get her to talk to me but she started ignoring me and this made me panic more because I was scared she was going to hurt herself or something and I made the mistake of sending her too many messages and it pissed her off and she told me to leave her alone. So I did for that day but texted one of her friends to check on her (she was completely unhelpful though).
The next day I sent her a message apologising for freaking out and told her that I just care about her a lot and was there for her if she needed someone. and then I sent her a couple reminder texts over the next couple days because at the time I thought she needed someone to show her they care about her. She read all the messages but didn't reply so on the wednesday night I decided to leave her one last one and give her some space for a few days in case she just needed that.
After a few days I texted her on the Saturday night after having a few drinks with friends and said that I missed her and that i couldn't stop worrying about her. She finally replied and told me to leave her alone and that I was hanging onto false hope. Even though I hadn't even thought about trying to win her back since before I realised her depression was back.
The next day I was so lost and didn't know what to do so i asked a friend (who's a girl) to text her and check to see if she was okay for me. But my friend decided to go further and talked to her about me... which made her extremely mad. At first she accused her of being me and then started talking about how I was gonna fall in love with her and that she hopes we'd be happy together etc in an angry way. She even told her that I'd made her feel like **** and then didn't even care that I did. - which is completely untrue because all I ever did was try to make her feel so happy and special and if I had ever made her feel bad of course I would have cared. She then ended up texting me angrily saying things like "I know you're gonna fall for that Brea bitch" (my friend). She seemed jealous but I didn't know why because 1. She broke up with me and was pushing me away and 2. I never gave her one reason to be jealous, she knew how much I loved and cared about her.
So the next day after things and cooled down I sent her a message telling her how I was sorry for asking her to talk to her and that i was just worried about her and generally just clearing the air and telling her how much she means to me. She read the message but then replied to my friend apologising for getting angry and told her she overreacted. My friend then asked her a few questions like what her problem with me was. She replied "I don't have a problem with him it's just I don't know" "Could you tell him I'm sorry for getting angry and calling him annoying I didn't mean it I was just angry at myself for making things worse. My friend then asked her why she wouldn't talk to me and she said she couldn't until she could control her anger. My friend then said about us being good together and why we couldn't work things out. She then told my friend that we wouldn't be a thing anymore and that the reason she broke up with me was because she started to develop feelings for someone else :/ She then obviously stuck up for me and told her that she hoped that he was better than me and that I would do anything for her. She replied "I know" and then my friend said one last thing about how she had gotten jealous the previous day and clearly still had feelings for me. my (ex)gf then got angry again and said she doesn't have feelings and wasn't jealous and my friend said she could see it and she got really pissed off and blocked her.
So the last thing I did was send her a long message basically having my say on everything and telling her how much it hurts and how much she still means to me and making one last attempt at trying to win her back. Her only reply was "i read it" though and we haven't talked since Thursday.
I'm just so lost and confused and worried and hurt at the same time right now. I don't know what to feel, I want her back more than anything so I'm trying the no contact now even thug it's probably too late. I obviously know that I'll have to move on at some point it's just right now I'm hoping she'll realise what she's lost.
So I guess what I'm asking is does anyone haver any opinions or advice for me? I just don't understand what happened to us :/ Thanks if you read this far.
I've been in a long distance relationship since the start of the summer after meeting a girl online and just instantly clicking with her. I was always sceptical about ldrs but from the moment I met this girl I knew there was something special about her. We ended up talking as friends for about a month and hardly ever stopped talking we became quite attached to each other.
So eventually after admitting my feelings to her she admitted them back and we decided to try being in a relationship instead of waiting till it would be possible to be together in person because we had both fallen for each other. (she lives in the US and I the UK).
From then on everything was amazing, we continued to spend so much time talking and ended up Skyping everyday for long periods of time and we both fell so in love with each other. The only strain on our relationship is that I suffer from depression and sometimes I'd have an episode and it would stress her out a bit but I'm getting help now so hopefully moving past it.
3 weeks ago, however, we had our first bad week together. My depression got quite bad for a week and things got quite strained between us and we fell out a couple times but I didn't think it was anything we couldn't move past. But that led to her sleeping round her friends house that Friday and then (with a push from her friends) she texted me saying how she'd been having doubts about us and wanted to break up. However, later on that night she texted me back saying how she needed me and we ended up talking the whole night and staying together.
The next day she told me how her friends had pushed her to break up with me and that she was crying when writing the message and one of her friends had to finish it off for her. She then told me she was so happy that I didn't give up on her and she even cried happy tears because of how much I loved and cared about her. We then had a few great days where things were back to normal and we were back to our normal loving selves. I could even tell by the way she looked at me that she still loved me.
But then on that Tuesday she seemed t change again, she came home and told me how she was still having doubts about us and that she couldn't deal with loving me so much one day and then having doubts the next. Obviously I was upset which didn't help things that night and she went to sleep. So the next day when I'd calmed down a bit I asked her what doubts and she said she didn't know but that she didn't love me as much anymore. (which i found extremely confusing considering how we were only a day or two ago and the fact she even cried because she was so happy.) I decided to try and do something that would usually make her happy and asked her if she felt anything towards me. She said no but she got mad at me and threatened to hang up the call which I also found strange considering if she didn't feel anything then surely she'd just be blank?
I decided that I wasn't getting anywhere by trying to talk to her the next day so I sent her a long message pouring my heart out to her and told her if she changed her mind I would be here and then attempted to give her space to think.
But on the Friday night I kinda cracked and asked her if she was okay, she said no and that she felt numb and needed to cut. I managed to talk her out of it though and she took some sleeping pills and went to sleep. - This is when I started to suspect that her depression had come back since she had therapy for it a while ago and had been better.
The next day she woke up and texted me saying that she felt better but I could tell that she still didn't. We ended up talking that whole day like normal but she was extremely cold towards me and I didn't understand why but I didn't question her about it I just assumed she was just in a bad place right then. That night she then showed me a song she was writing to air her emotions (music is her life and she always expresses herself through it.) She had lyrics like "I don't know what to do" "I feel really confused".
The next morning is when things got bad between us. I woke up to a post on her secret instagram account that only a couple people close to her know about. She had written things about not being cared about and being sorry she exists and basically that she was feeling suicidal. So obviously I became extremely worried about her, I tried to get her to talk to me but she started ignoring me and this made me panic more because I was scared she was going to hurt herself or something and I made the mistake of sending her too many messages and it pissed her off and she told me to leave her alone. So I did for that day but texted one of her friends to check on her (she was completely unhelpful though).
The next day I sent her a message apologising for freaking out and told her that I just care about her a lot and was there for her if she needed someone. and then I sent her a couple reminder texts over the next couple days because at the time I thought she needed someone to show her they care about her. She read all the messages but didn't reply so on the wednesday night I decided to leave her one last one and give her some space for a few days in case she just needed that.
After a few days I texted her on the Saturday night after having a few drinks with friends and said that I missed her and that i couldn't stop worrying about her. She finally replied and told me to leave her alone and that I was hanging onto false hope. Even though I hadn't even thought about trying to win her back since before I realised her depression was back.
The next day I was so lost and didn't know what to do so i asked a friend (who's a girl) to text her and check to see if she was okay for me. But my friend decided to go further and talked to her about me... which made her extremely mad. At first she accused her of being me and then started talking about how I was gonna fall in love with her and that she hopes we'd be happy together etc in an angry way. She even told her that I'd made her feel like **** and then didn't even care that I did. - which is completely untrue because all I ever did was try to make her feel so happy and special and if I had ever made her feel bad of course I would have cared. She then ended up texting me angrily saying things like "I know you're gonna fall for that Brea bitch" (my friend). She seemed jealous but I didn't know why because 1. She broke up with me and was pushing me away and 2. I never gave her one reason to be jealous, she knew how much I loved and cared about her.
So the next day after things and cooled down I sent her a message telling her how I was sorry for asking her to talk to her and that i was just worried about her and generally just clearing the air and telling her how much she means to me. She read the message but then replied to my friend apologising for getting angry and told her she overreacted. My friend then asked her a few questions like what her problem with me was. She replied "I don't have a problem with him it's just I don't know" "Could you tell him I'm sorry for getting angry and calling him annoying I didn't mean it I was just angry at myself for making things worse. My friend then asked her why she wouldn't talk to me and she said she couldn't until she could control her anger. My friend then said about us being good together and why we couldn't work things out. She then told my friend that we wouldn't be a thing anymore and that the reason she broke up with me was because she started to develop feelings for someone else :/ She then obviously stuck up for me and told her that she hoped that he was better than me and that I would do anything for her. She replied "I know" and then my friend said one last thing about how she had gotten jealous the previous day and clearly still had feelings for me. my (ex)gf then got angry again and said she doesn't have feelings and wasn't jealous and my friend said she could see it and she got really pissed off and blocked her.
So the last thing I did was send her a long message basically having my say on everything and telling her how much it hurts and how much she still means to me and making one last attempt at trying to win her back. Her only reply was "i read it" though and we haven't talked since Thursday.
I'm just so lost and confused and worried and hurt at the same time right now. I don't know what to feel, I want her back more than anything so I'm trying the no contact now even thug it's probably too late. I obviously know that I'll have to move on at some point it's just right now I'm hoping she'll realise what she's lost.
So I guess what I'm asking is does anyone haver any opinions or advice for me? I just don't understand what happened to us :/ Thanks if you read this far.
(edited 9 years ago)
I read all of that and my honest advice to you would be to just move on 
I know its difficult but do you really want to be in a relationship where one day she loves you and the next she doesn't?
If she already has feelings for someone else then I'm afraid she doesn't love you, or she wouldn't have fallen for someone else. I'd say move on, don't contact her again, block her on everything and delete her from your life.
I promise you you'll find someone more appreciative of you, but what's meant to be will be. This one wasn't meant to be
I hope it all works out for you. Try not to cave in, focus on yourself and your friends x
Posted from TSR Mobile
I know its difficult but do you really want to be in a relationship where one day she loves you and the next she doesn't?
If she already has feelings for someone else then I'm afraid she doesn't love you, or she wouldn't have fallen for someone else. I'd say move on, don't contact her again, block her on everything and delete her from your life.
I promise you you'll find someone more appreciative of you, but what's meant to be will be. This one wasn't meant to be
I hope it all works out for you. Try not to cave in, focus on yourself and your friends x
Posted from TSR Mobile
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