The Student Room Group

massive dilema

right this may be long, so only read it if you can put up with the context.

me and this guy have gradually become closer and closer till thurs night at a party where we just got so close it's nearly relationship close (so he said). i was pretty happy and stuff. while we were talking and stuff, he began to let out a lot of steam about personal stuff, and i being the nice person i am was being really supportive. he began to talk of his overprotectiveness of me, but then i had to leave pretty early and yeah, i felt kinda bad because he was still really annoyed inside but he walked me out and came back in.

when he went back in to the party, he went straight to the bar, got smashed out of his face.. and then the real party started. theres a girl who i've recently become friends with, and she knew that me and him really liked each other. but she's the type to go for attention, tried grinding on every lad, sold out her friends so she could make new 'popular' friends (and failed miserably), and ended up pulling my guy and my friend spotted them down an alley.

now i dunno whether i'm over exaggerating but i was really upset by what happened. she was sober, he reeeeally wasn't at all. i knew from the beginning she had an aim at the party, i just never realised it was whatever she did.
it annoys me how if i had stayed longer, he wouldn't have gotten so drunk and none of that would've happened. this girl's lost every bit of respect anyone had for her, because everyone at the party knew about me and him, even though we're not officially together.

she had the nerve to 'feel guilty' and ask some of my friends if i'd be mad at her. i'm not bothered about how i should react to her, i was told from the beginning she came across as a bit dodgy, which she did prove. i have heaps of supportive friends so getting over what happened from her side won't be a problem.

anyway, the problem is i don't know how to bring the subject up with him. i mean he was drunk but maybe he remembers it all? i've been told by so many people and i know that what me and him have, they can never have, and a pull with a quick shag won't get her no respect from him (it sounds stupid but he's the type of guy who's probably done it too many times), but its so damnit sleazy.

i hate talking about really personal stuff on the phone because you can never tell what they're thinking while you're talking (like you can sense when you speak to them face to face). i spoke to him last night and we were talking about our conversation and how he remembered every bit of the time we spent together.. but i was too cowardly to say anymore.

stupid question; what should i do?
Tell him you heard he got together with this girl at the party after you left, and ask him if he likes her.
the girl is blatently a two faced bitch so u should forget about being nice to her at all. just ask the guy straight out and say you understand he was drunk etc. dont yell at him although u'll probs be p issed off but just straighten things out!
Reply 3
You know what? I've been through the exact same situation (I was in "your guy's" position) and in retrospect I can't do anything other than accept full responsibility for it, and if I were her then I wouldn't have given me another shot either. And I don't think you should give this guy another shot either.

Maybe you weren't a couple in so many words, but if the feeling was there and the intent was established between you two, then he betrayed your trust.
Reply 4
I been on the otherside of the fence....
Me n a girl were close ect(although I didn't think I ever had a chance).
However at a party I got with one of her mates, n she told me after that I blew my chance with her.
At the end of the day I didn't know that I had a chance with her :/
Also, maybe you should of talked about having a relationship before it happened, instead of leaving it n now facing the possibility of it never happened.
Also, wouuld ya really wanna regret not going out with him?
Reply 5
Too many people see that there's an option in this kind of mess. He did what he did. He knew you liked him, he told you personal things and he still messed around with someone else. Why are you even bothering? Realise that he's not a good guy and you made a mistake, because if he cared about you as much as you care about him then he wouldn't have done it, think about it. If you were him would you have done that?

If you want to be treated badly and never have anyone respect you, including yourself then get together with him.

If you want to escape with some dignity and find a real man, walk away.
Reply 6
~Ok~Go~
If you want to escape with some dignity and find a real man, walk away.

Yep. Having been in his position, I can say that by her walking away from me, I definitely got taught a lesson, and it has been well learned, believe me. At this point, if there's a woman I'm interested in pursuing beyond casual sex and I seem to be getting somewhere, then I keep all other women out of the picture.
Reply 7
wow.
i agree with everything you're all saying, i really am.
when i say people knew we liked each other, i still don't think it was obvious to him that i like him the way i do. i mean yeah we're pretty close and stuff, but theres still that bit of friction between us.

i really want to talk to him but i don't.
and as for your comment "okgo" i know what you're saying, i really do understand what you're saying.

its just going to be hard to let it go. i can make him feel like crap by saying to him when we next talk that i really like him and stuff, but what he did was out of order and its made me reconsider if he's even someone worth being with. but i don't know, i really don't have a bloody clue no more.
*******s. He made a cock-up but the alcohol was to blame. He should be given another chance.
Reply 9
matt@internet
*******s. He made a cock-up but the alcohol was to blame. He should be given another chance.


thats what i think!
but now i wonder, was there a chance in the first place?
ok yeah so there way, i'll get the blame for not saying it straight ''look we should be'' but yeah.
oh feck knows
Simple thing, you gotta talk it out with him and decide after that. Otherwise, people will keep giving you extremely bipolar advice.

Next time you're with him, just mention that you heard that he and that girl had gotten together. Wait. Let him speak. Decide. Act.
Reply 11
its the only option i've got left.
Reply 12
utter *******s.
you cant blame alcohol.

i was smashed off my tits at a club in edinburgh, i hadnt seen my gf for about 4 weeks, this pretty cute girl was next to me, squeezing herself against, had her hand on my leg, was trying to get me to go and dance.
i wasnt tempted in the least bit.

what if you get with him and u have to leve another party early again? will you be able to trust that he wont get smashed and do it again.

blaming alcohol is ridiculous, he did what he did.
I think the only thing that could save him is if he really didn't realise that you wanted him, then I think I would forgive him.
Reply 14
Was it just a kiss or did they have sex?
Reply 15
they kissed for definite, but apparently they went down an alley.
now i dunno whether they just snogged there or did more, because apparently afterwards they didn't even talk..

tbh i don't think he knows how much i like him. being the idiot that i am, everytime he talks of relationships between us i kinda, nod and divert the conversation. its not on purpose, i dunno why i do it!

i've made up my mind - me and him need to talk.