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Drugs ruining a relationship

Hi,

Just want some advice about my boyfriend's drug use and what people think I should do about it :redface:

This is quite long by the way.....

I've been with my boyfriend for a few years and then he started smoking pot. I told him that I didn't really like it when he's around me but that as long as I wasn't dragged into it then it didn't bother me. I also told him though that I would not be a relationship with someone who was taking stronger drugs, it was just one of my 'principles' that I couldn't be a in relationship with someone taking cocaine, E, etc, due to not wanting to be around people carrying drugs and because I'd be scared that something dangerous would happen. He said that he understood and wouldn't do anything stronger.

I (perhaps stupidly) believed him and he did only pot for a few months. However, one morning I got a call from him saying that he'd snorted coke and taken some pills the previous night. He said that he felt really guilty for it and wanted to tell me. He said that he wouldn't do it again so I passed it off as 'an experience' and told him that although I'd said I wouldn't be with someone who took those drugs I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He promised me that he wouldn't do it again and I believed him.

Then a few weeks later I was ill and so didn't see him for a few days. He then called me one morning saying that he'd spent the previous 3 days on a coke and pill binge, and that he was now having painful headaches and coming close to blacking out. Due to him being very upset and scared I didn't have a go about the drugs at first and then once he was feeling better I confronted him about it. He started to get very upset and begging me, saying that the experience had scared the life out of him and that he would never do anything like it again. I believed him (again :rolleyes:

) because I thought that maybe he had been given a shock and that would sort him out.

Now, he went to Ibiza with his brother a couple of weeks ago for 2 weeks. Before he left I made him promise that he wouldn't touch drugs. He promised me and I didn't think much else about it. He called me about half-way through his holiday and I asked him if he'd done any drugs. He said no and that no wasn't going to touch them all through his holiday, he said I had nothing to worry about.
I went to see him when he got back from his holiday and he admitted that he had taken coke, speed and pills throughout his holiday. :mad:

I asked him why he lied when I spoke to him on the phone and he said that he was scared I'd get mad.

Now I don't know what to do :frown:

I have now realised that there is a good chance he will do drugs again because he has lied too many times. I always said that I wouldn't be in a relationship like this but now I've found myself stuck in it. I know I should have given an ultimatum and stuck to it but I didn't.

So, what would everyone else do? Has this happened too many times now and should I leave him or offer him another ultimatum? The trouble is that he won't believe me now will he, because I've taken him back before.....

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Reply 1

Mr.God

I'd break up with him. Not because of the drugs (although that too, from your perspective) but because of the lying and lack of respect for the promise he made you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Mr.God

I'd break up with him. Not because of the drugs (although that too, from your perspective) but because of the lying and lack of respect for the promise he made you.

That's what kind of hurts the most, the lack of thought for me. I know I don't run his life but you shouldn't make a promise to someone time and time again and then break it :frown:

Reply 3

bunthulhu

I'd break up with him. He's becoming a druggie and a liar. He's not going to change, it will keep happening and the only way you can get away from it is to end it!

Reply 4

CyanideZombie

Break up for the reasons stated above. I don't believe in 6th chances!

Reply 5

Mr.God

Anonymous

That's what kind of hurts the most, the lack of thought for me. I know I don't run his life but you shouldn't make a promise to someone time and time again and then break it :frown:

Exactly. If he knows drugs are a big deal to you and he promised you he wouldn't do them then he shouldn't have done them. I can understand the temptation from his perspective to do them (personally I've done a lot over the years and I have had nothing but great times from them), but then I wouldn't promise my girlfriend I wouldn't do them if I didn't fully intend not to do them.

It shows he prioritises the drugs ahead of your relationship.

However, perhaps you have to consider how reasonable it is of you to ask him not to do them. How do you think you would react if he asked you never to drink again?

Might be worth considering both sides of the argument before making a decision.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Well I had a girlfriend once...she was doin allot of drugs behind my back...going out with people who i didnt know n stuff...she smoked weed, smoked ciggs, and im sure she took some E....

I mean it was fun at first. The sex was interesting...with her being high, hell i was high as well sometimes...it made the whole sexual experience much more interesting. It was fun.

But then it got out of hand....she would only have sex with me if she got high. I said no, leave the drugs out of our relationship...but u know i am a man, i cannot deny sex...so I let her do it to me.

It became really weird...she used to ask me to do it in weird places...She used to wake me up at 4am in the morning...she said letme get high, you get dressed, we are going to McDonalds car park, i wanna see how its like.

Anywayz...I eventually broke up with her cuz i was sick and tired of her drug habits. I dont know what has happened to her, but you know i dont want to know...drugs should never be part of the relationship...it messes it up...
she was more into drugs than me, and it is still obvious to me to this day.

Moral of the story? Weed and sex dont mix all the time, ocassionaly maybe.

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

To be honest, anyone that is involved with drugs in anyway is not worth wasting time with! Im sure you will meet someone else!

Reply 8

Fleece

Stick to your principles.

You said you wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who did pills or coke etc, so don't be.

Reply 9

That artistic one

get rid of him a.s.a.p.

Reply 10

rosetinted

Anon3 - Judgemental much? What a dumbass thing to say.

OP: I'd break up with him. Not because of the drugs, but because of him lying to you repeatedly. You made it clear at the start of the relationship that you're not prepared to go out with someone who uses drugs. You are undermining what you originally said by staying with him. He is pissing you around and then calling you up to 'be honest' because he feels guilty. If he was being honest he would tell you that he doesn't want to give up taking drugs. Saying "I'll never do it again" when he damn well knows he will is a total lie.

If you feel like he deserves a second chance sit him down and remind him what you originally said. Tell him that you have put up with his behaviour until now but you need him to tell the truth so you can decide whether to stay with him. Ask him to be honest and tell you whether he will take drugs again. If he says he will and you are still really against it then stick to your guns and get rid of him. If he says he won't and then does at least you have given advance warning and he knows that he is dumped.

Reply 11

username47781

As all the others said, dump him for lying.

Reply 12

Jelkin

I had a boyfriend who took drugs once. He kept saying he wouldn't, but then he did. The worst thing was when we were at a party and I found out he had, but his friends kept lying to me about it even though I told them I already knew. It was really humiliating being lied to by everyone.

I don't really think she was unreasonable - she was just saying she didn't want to be involved with someone who did drugs. Since drugs can kill you in just one incident, she was putting herself at emotional risk - if anything happened to him and she'd fallen for him, just think how awful that would be. Also, she wasn't so much saying that he couldn't do them, just that he couldn't be with her if he did.

I would definitely say break up with him. It's just going to keep happening, no matter how sorry he was each time he told you. Sorry :frown:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Thanks for all your replies everyone.

The main reasons why I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who takes drugs is because, A) I don't want to be out in a pub or something knowing that drugs are being taken in the toilets, that the people around me are high or that they are dealing when I'm there. I do not want a criminal record or end up in a cell because I'm with people caught dealing/taking drugs :frown:

B) I'd be so worried about my boyfriend if he went out that I wouldn't sleep, the idea that he could be taking drugs cut with something else, or he could overdose is just too much for me. I don't want to live my life worrying about my boyfriend is going to die every time he goes out :redface:

I think what I need to do is tell my boyfriend that I need some time to think about our relationship. I'm just going to tell him the truth about how he is affecting me.

Reply 14

sidi

That sounds suspiciously like you're going to give him another chance. The truth is he doesn't care about how he is affecting you. He's had enough chances. Get rid.

Reply 15

doll-heart

My heart goes out to you, seriously; I know how you feel and wheren you are. Don't stay with him if you expect him to change though; he won't.

Reply 16

pikaboo

Don't go out with someone who's abused drugs. They're very boring.

Reply 17

Mr.God

pikaboo

Don't go out with someone who's abused drugs. They're very boring.

I find people who use drugs are the most fun people to be around, sober or otherwise.

Reply 18

lolly83

he lied to you, he's shown that he doesn't respect you, and demonstrated that drugs are a higher priority to him than you are.
stick to your guns, he might not respect you but that's no loss if you respect yourself. :smile:

Reply 19

maag101

He lied. A lot. He is not worth it. The drugs thing is a little beside the point, because at the end of the day it is his body and he can do what he likes with it, it's just a little sad that he doesn't have as much consideration for how his life impacts others. But ultimately the reason you should chuck him is that he lied.