''I was on the tube quite late, when I spotted a dodgy-looking bloke at the other end of the carriage. From his vigorous hand movements it was obvious he was masturbating. Freaked out and angry, I pressed the emergency stop button, screaming ''filthy pervert''. My eyesight isn't that hot, and when we got into the station it turned out the bloke -a frail old man-had been innocently polishing his specs. The shame. ''
Hilarious compared to the usual, cliched ''embarrassing moments'' column!
"I did hear a tale once concerning a big black guy with a big afro, who gets on the tube and stands nonchalantly by the door, only for the doors to close on his hair. "No sweat" he says, "I'll wait until the next station". Of course, the next few stations all open on the opposite side."