It would have been my due date today

I had an abortion 8 months ago and it would have been my due date today, the 26th september. im taking it really hard because i regret my decision, i was a coward and took the easy way out. i feel so close to my baby, i talk to her every day and now that she could be here, in my arms, its just hit home what i did. im so upset right now i cant really explain it. i never thought this kinda stuff happens to you. ive gotten closer to a girl whos pregnant and ive started being really obsessive over her baby, i want to give her child the best because i didnt give mine. are these natural feelings? how long till they go away because i don't want to hurt my friend if i suddenly flip and tell her shes not doing things properly etc. i want to be able to deal with this grief on my own but im not strong enough, my bf tries his best but he blames himself so is devastated too. i want to remember eve in a positive way and not upset myself constantly. how long will these feelings last? i need to get on with my life which is why i had the abortion in the first place, ironc isnt it? i guess i just needed to get my thoughts down on metaphorical paper and see if anyone could help me. im starting feeling guilty for wanting to stop feeling guilty now, how messed up is that? im sorry about this post if ive upset anyone, i just needed someone to talk to.

Reply 1

Saima46

Oh no, thats a terrible situation. The thing is you thoguht you were doing the right thing at the time, so it's no ones fault and your boyf and you should ont feel guilty. You thought u were doing the best thing.

One of my friends went through a similar thing and one day got really drunk and kept crying and talking to her baby which she had called Priya and it was awful, don't let things build up. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor, for loss or abortion therapy? Could really help, and it's free.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

im not very good at talking to people about my feelings, which is why i posted on here, im 17 btw, almost insulted that someone thought i was 14 but nm. i just feel really...lonely, like i should have her next to me and shes not. i think thats the best way to explain it.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I very much doubt you'll find anyone here who knows the right words to say, though I'm sure getting out there like you have helped.

Might I suggest calling the Samaritans? 08457 90 90 90, lines open 24/7.

Hope things get better for you, and that you can grow from this.

Reply 4

rosetinted

OK you should definitely get yourself to a counsellor. They are trained to help you out in this sort of situation and you can talk through what has happened without being judged. If that seems too daunting then there are lots of numbers you can call who will offer impartial advice and support.

Also something you could try doing is make a list of the pros and cons of having a baby at this time in your life. Remind yourself why you originally made the decision to have an abortion. Chances are you had some some sensible reasons. I'm guessing from the comment about needing to get on with your life that you have things to deal with yourself. Are you really in a situation where you could have provided for a baby? It would be horrible to be feeling guilty right now because you can't look after your baby, feed it and provide it with a loving home.

Reply 5

Fleece

Bad move = naming your aborted child.

It was a decision you made, and you had reasons. Remember what they were.

Reply 6

goldfiiisheee

i think you did the right thing.
you did what you thought was right at the time.
you may have some regrets now, but overall there was a reason to you getting an abortion in the first place.
no doubt you thought about that....
i feel really sorry for you cuz of what your goingthrough
and i can see that you love this *child*...but if your 17, are you sure you could have given it everything you wanted to give it which it deserved?
its hard yes, but i think you can pull through.
learn form it for the future. i know that that sound corny but its true
take care
all the best
x

Reply 7

beach surf babe

You should never feel guilty, you had your reasons. Maybe you should explain to this other friend about how your feeling and see your doctor so that they can you the support you need? At 17 your still really young-I've got friends who've had babies at that age so I know how tough it can be. Chances are you'll have a kid when your older but now you have so much ahead of you.

Reply 8

afcwill

PM me if you need to talk, anon. I dont have any maternal views but if you need someone to talk to in complete confidence then i am here for you, i can give you some advice if you need it. Im not a counseller but maybe you should talk to one, there completely confidential and he/she can help you with your thoughts. I wish you all the best, it cant be easy for you.

Reply 9

BlackHawk

No I don't think that it is normal. You really need to get some help from a councellor. At least you can admit that it is a problem.

Reply 10

PremiershipFootballer

BlackHawk

No I don't think that it is normal. You really need to get some help from a councellor. At least you can admit that it is a problem.

yea i agree. i think you should definately speak to someone about it.

Reply 11

iolaus

It is normal to have feelings of guilt, even if you know it was the right thing to do. I can't say when this feeling is going to go away for you. There isn't magic wand that can be waved 143 days after your abortion that will make the pain go away.

It is natural that it is worse at the moment, and you will probably find it bad on each anniversary for at least a few years, and these feelings may come back when you have a baby in the future.

It may be easier for you, and your friend, if you distance yourself a little - it is HER baby and she will make her own mistakes when parenting, but they are her mistakes and her child. You can't take over - and it won't make you feel better, in fact it may well make things worse for you.

Many women who have abortions do regret it (and often end up pregnant again within a few months), your life changes from the moment you find you are pregnant and there is rarely a choice which is 100% right, you just make the best decision you can with where you are at that point in time.

I think you do need someone to talk you (if you want to do it by email then pm me), you need time to grieve for your lost child - the fact that you terminated the pregnancy is regardless.