High Maintenance Boyfriend Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Hi,

I really need some advice I don't know what to do D: I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now and I really like him, I even love him. We've had a pretty rocky time though, and I think it's because of the fact that he is so high maintenance!
I need to know if it genuinely is just me being unthoughtful and selfish as he says all the time, or if some of the blame is on his side too?

-He wants to be with me. ALL THE TIME. I'm a very independent person, I like my own space now and then. This doesn't mean I don't love him. But he always wants to be with me (no exaggeration) and if I tell him I want some me time he gets upset and makes me feel so guilty and says I don't love him.

-He has an obsession with doing all these 'firsts' together. Like everytime I do something for the first time it has to be with him. For example, he's skint at the moment (no job) and my friends invited me out to wind street for the first time. I really wanted to go so I did- then I came home to complete hell fire, he was shouting, having a proper tantrum, kept on leaving and then coming back to shout more, crying, because my first time out wasn't with him and he had some fantasy about it. If it was just one thing it's fine- but it's with loads of stupid little things!

-I need to text him all the time. If I don't reply to his texts (for whatever reason, in college etc) he has a massive freak out.

-Everytime he says I love you I have to say it back or he starts crying and stropping.

-If he doesn't get his way he goes into a massive strop and holds grudges.

-He's extremely over protective and can be aggressive (without meaning to be) towards other guys. Like, he freaks out if I kiss my best friend (she's a girl. I'm straight)

-If he isn't in my facebook profile picture he has a massive go at me.

-He won't do anything without me. I can be quite shy and don't always like meeting new people, but he refuses to ever see his own friends or do anything without me, making it really difficult for me.

-We argue at least one a week because he has these things that matter loads to him that NO ONE ELSE bothers about. For example, if I ever shower without him he goes into a massive strop. If I ask him to do something on his own (like go to the shop) he has a massive freak out. If my best friend ever sees me naked (changing rooms etc) he basically accuses me of cheating.

-He calls me insensitive because he'll go into a strop for literally almost no reason and then, because I've dealt with this so much, I just try to ignore it sometimes. Then he starts having a massive go at me.

-Calls me a slut if I'm wearing clothes that don't match 'his standard', like some shorts (which I can promise you aren't slutty.)

-MAIN PROBLEM. This is very much one of my problems as well though- I'm a very unromantic person. Like I do sweet things but really romantic stuff I just find really cringy and don't like it, and he's really cringy all the time. And gets annoyed because I don't appreciate it.

I really do love him though so idk what to do. And I feel like a bad person because most other girls would love him- he's sweet, kind and sensitive. But I just feel like I can't make him happy.
ADVICE PLEASE?! D:
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ilem
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#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

I really need some advice I don't know what to do D: I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now and I really like him, I even love him. We've had a pretty rocky time though, and I think it's because of the fact that he is so high maintenance!
I need to know if it genuinely is just me being unthoughtful and selfish as he says all the time, or if some of the blame is on his side too?

-He wants to be with me. ALL THE TIME. I'm a very independent person, I like my own space now and then. This doesn't mean I don't love him. But he always wants to be with me (no exaggeration) and if I tell him I want some me time he gets upset and makes me feel so guilty and says I don't love him.

-He has an obsession with doing all these 'firsts' together. Like everytime I do something for the first time it has to be with him. For example, he's skint at the moment (no job) and my friends invited me out to wind street for the first time. I really wanted to go so I did- then I came home to complete hell fire, he was shouting, having a proper tantrum, kept on leaving and then coming back to shout more, crying, because my first time out wasn't with him and he had some fantasy about it. If it was just one thing it's fine- but it's with loads of stupid little things!

-I need to text him all the time. If I don't reply to his texts (for whatever reason, in college etc) he has a massive freak out.

-Everytime he says I love you I have to say it back or he starts crying and stropping.

-If he doesn't get his way he goes into a massive strop and holds grudges.

-He's extremely over protective and can be aggressive (without meaning to be) towards other guys. Like, he freaks out if I kiss my best friend (she's a girl. I'm straight)

-If he isn't in my facebook profile picture he has a massive go at me.

-He won't do anything without me. I can be quite shy and don't always like meeting new people, but he refuses to ever see his own friends or do anything without me, making it really difficult for me.

-We argue at least one a week because he has these things that matter loads to him that NO ONE ELSE bothers about. For example, if I ever shower without him he goes into a massive strop. If I ask him to do something on his own (like go to the shop) he has a massive freak out. If my best friend ever sees me naked (changing rooms etc) he basically accuses me of cheating.

-He calls me insensitive because he'll go into a strop for literally almost no reason and then, because I've dealt with this so much, I just try to ignore it sometimes. Then he starts having a massive go at me.

-Calls me a slut if I'm wearing clothes that don't match 'his standard', like some shorts (which I can promise you aren't slutty.)

-MAIN PROBLEM. This is very much one of my problems as well though- I'm a very unromantic person. Like I do sweet things but really romantic stuff I just find really cringy and don't like it, and he's really cringy all the time. And gets annoyed because I don't appreciate it.

I really do love him though so idk what to do. And I feel like a bad person because most other girls would love him- he's sweet, kind and sensitive. But I just feel like I can't make him happy.
ADVICE PLEASE?! D:
Why is this guy still your boyfriend?

Really this sounds like an abusive relationship well in progress.
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Uosaf
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#3
Report 4 years ago
#3
Is he 13?

All jokes aside, he sounds :bird:

I say you end it while you can. This isn't good for your wellbeing, health and state of mind.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#4
(Original post by ilem)
Why is this guy still your boyfriend?

Really this sounds like an abusive relationship well in progress.
I shouldn't really be saying this but he has depression and I feel that if I did end it then he might, you know.. do something stupid. He has done before
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shawn_o1
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#5
Report 4 years ago
#5
Take your boyfriend to a counselor then. I'm sure he doesn't want to be depressed, otherwise he isn't actually depressed.
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somemightsay888
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#6
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#6
Sounds like you're dating Josef Fritzl
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Obiejess
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#7
Report 4 years ago
#7
Nutcase. Weirdo. Clingy. Abusive.

Sit him down, have a chat - deal with it.

Or bin him off.
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Balloon Baboon
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#8
Report 4 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

I really need some advice I don't know what to do D: I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now and I really like him, I even love him. We've had a pretty rocky time though, and I think it's because of the fact that he is so high maintenance!
I need to know if it genuinely is just me being unthoughtful and selfish as he says all the time, or if some of the blame is on his side too?

-He wants to be with me. ALL THE TIME. I'm a very independent person, I like my own space now and then. This doesn't mean I don't love him. But he always wants to be with me (no exaggeration) and if I tell him I want some me time he gets upset and makes me feel so guilty and says I don't love him.

-He has an obsession with doing all these 'firsts' together. Like everytime I do something for the first time it has to be with him. For example, he's skint at the moment (no job) and my friends invited me out to wind street for the first time. I really wanted to go so I did- then I came home to complete hell fire, he was shouting, having a proper tantrum, kept on leaving and then coming back to shout more, crying, because my first time out wasn't with him and he had some fantasy about it. If it was just one thing it's fine- but it's with loads of stupid little things!

-I need to text him all the time. If I don't reply to his texts (for whatever reason, in college etc) he has a massive freak out.

-Everytime he says I love you I have to say it back or he starts crying and stropping.

-If he doesn't get his way he goes into a massive strop and holds grudges.

-He's extremely over protective and can be aggressive (without meaning to be) towards other guys. Like, he freaks out if I kiss my best friend (she's a girl. I'm straight)

-If he isn't in my facebook profile picture he has a massive go at me.

-He won't do anything without me. I can be quite shy and don't always like meeting new people, but he refuses to ever see his own friends or do anything without me, making it really difficult for me.

-We argue at least one a week because he has these things that matter loads to him that NO ONE ELSE bothers about. For example, if I ever shower without him he goes into a massive strop. If I ask him to do something on his own (like go to the shop) he has a massive freak out. If my best friend ever sees me naked (changing rooms etc) he basically accuses me of cheating.

-He calls me insensitive because he'll go into a strop for literally almost no reason and then, because I've dealt with this so much, I just try to ignore it sometimes. Then he starts having a massive go at me.

-Calls me a slut if I'm wearing clothes that don't match 'his standard', like some shorts (which I can promise you aren't slutty.)

-MAIN PROBLEM. This is very much one of my problems as well though- I'm a very unromantic person. Like I do sweet things but really romantic stuff I just find really cringy and don't like it, and he's really cringy all the time. And gets annoyed because I don't appreciate it.

I really do love him though so idk what to do. And I feel like a bad person because most other girls would love him- he's sweet, kind and sensitive. But I just feel like I can't make him happy.
ADVICE PLEASE?! D:

That's called being a Sociopath. Get rid of him before he kills you.
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ilem
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#9
Report 4 years ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
I shouldn't really be saying this but he has depression and I feel that if I did end it then he might, you know.. do something stupid. He has done before
You might care for him but his mental health is not your responsibility, especially when you are subjected to constant abuse and controlling behaviour from him. At this time you should think about taking a step back and prioritising yourself for the time being, as the relationship you are in is very, very far from a healthy one. And staying in it is certain to take its toll on your own mental health and self esteem as well.

He will never sort himself out if he doesn't get to see in practice that his current state is pushing away and harming those he values the most. At present his toxic behaviour is working out for him because you're sticking around and so he sees no reason to go through a long and strenuous change process.
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laridum
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#10
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#10
Definitely errs on the side of abusive rather than "high maintenance". I'd get rid.
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owwwww2
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#11
Report 4 years ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

I really need some advice I don't know what to do D: I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now and I really like him, I even love him. We've had a pretty rocky time though, and I think it's because of the fact that he is so high maintenance!
I need to know if it genuinely is just me being unthoughtful and selfish as he says all the time, or if some of the blame is on his side too?

-He wants to be with me. ALL THE TIME. I'm a very independent person, I like my own space now and then. This doesn't mean I don't love him. But he always wants to be with me (no exaggeration) and if I tell him I want some me time he gets upset and makes me feel so guilty and says I don't love him.

-He has an obsession with doing all these 'firsts' together. Like everytime I do something for the first time it has to be with him. For example, he's skint at the moment (no job) and my friends invited me out to wind street for the first time. I really wanted to go so I did- then I came home to complete hell fire, he was shouting, having a proper tantrum, kept on leaving and then coming back to shout more, crying, because my first time out wasn't with him and he had some fantasy about it. If it was just one thing it's fine- but it's with loads of stupid little things!

-I need to text him all the time. If I don't reply to his texts (for whatever reason, in college etc) he has a massive freak out.

-Everytime he says I love you I have to say it back or he starts crying and stropping.

-If he doesn't get his way he goes into a massive strop and holds grudges.

-He's extremely over protective and can be aggressive (without meaning to be) towards other guys. Like, he freaks out if I kiss my best friend (she's a girl. I'm straight)

-If he isn't in my facebook profile picture he has a massive go at me.

-He won't do anything without me. I can be quite shy and don't always like meeting new people, but he refuses to ever see his own friends or do anything without me, making it really difficult for me.

-We argue at least one a week because he has these things that matter loads to him that NO ONE ELSE bothers about. For example, if I ever shower without him he goes into a massive strop. If I ask him to do something on his own (like go to the shop) he has a massive freak out. If my best friend ever sees me naked (changing rooms etc) he basically accuses me of cheating.

-He calls me insensitive because he'll go into a strop for literally almost no reason and then, because I've dealt with this so much, I just try to ignore it sometimes. Then he starts having a massive go at me.

-Calls me a slut if I'm wearing clothes that don't match 'his standard', like some shorts (which I can promise you aren't slutty.)

-MAIN PROBLEM. This is very much one of my problems as well though- I'm a very unromantic person. Like I do sweet things but really romantic stuff I just find really cringy and don't like it, and he's really cringy all the time. And gets annoyed because I don't appreciate it.
I really do love him though so idk what to do. And I feel like a bad person because most other girls would love him- he's sweet, kind and sensitive. But I just feel like I can't make him happy.
ADVICE PLEASE?! D:
1)Why don't you say it back?
2)Was it a make out with your friend or a kiss on the cheek? If the former, you shouldn't have done that. If the latter, then it shouldn't be a problem
3) Why don't you be more appreciative? In order for a relationship to work both parties must put in an effort. Or does he do it so consistently that it is actually annoying you?
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username1333513
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#12
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#12
try sitting him down and talking to him, establish some boundaries, if he still doesn't listen, dump him
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ThatPerson
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
I shouldn't really be saying this but he has depression and I feel that if I did end it then he might, you know.. do something stupid. He has done before
Clinically diagnosed depression? Even if this is the case, depression doesn't justify his possessive and sociopathic behaviour. What he needs is professional help.
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username1039383
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#14
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#14
This guy is honestly a psycho killer in the making. He treats you like crap and he acts like a 10 yr old. Get out if you value your life!!

And don't you think you deserve better anyway?

I would also get a restraining order if I was you because all hell will break loose when you break up with him. Good luck
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silverbolt
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#15
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#15
hes not high maintenance hes a bloody nutter.

Get rid if you value your sanity
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pickup
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#16
Report 4 years ago
#16
You can't please him and he certainly can't please you.

He's using emotional blackmail to control you. Every time you don't stand up to him you're giving him encouragement.

Just tell him you can't live like this anymore and go.He'll shout and scream and cry but you won't hear because you'll be half way down the road.

You don't like him ( witness the post), you certainly don't love him. You do however love the idea of loving someone and he's the one around now. You're making the mistake of thinking you love him because you love the person you want him to be but isn't.

Somewhere along the line you'll wake up and wonder what you ever saw in him. Well, you saw what you wanted to see but not what was there.

Start by making a list of his vices and virtues. I'll start you off... he's controlling, aggressive, manipulative, selfish, immature, hypercritical. angry, obsessive, abusive.makes you feel you're in the wrong .....Now make a list of more than 10 things that are good about him.

Oh, you can't think of that many? What a surprise. Go, go now, go. Breathe a sigh of relief, go.
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Balloon Baboon
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#17
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#17
'Old Yeller' springs to mind. Do you own a gun?
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Jacob Boris
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#18
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#18
Get out.
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Maudee4567
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#19
Report 4 years ago
#19
Get out. Now.

My ex was also like that, jealous of my best friends (girls) and in general( even once had a go at me for *smiling too much* in a picture an old male teacher took on a school trip)always wanting to be with me, getting annoyed if I stopped texting himand if I didn't say a sweet loving goodnight every night he'd start saying I don't love him etc --" , he would make me feel bad guilty and awful, but I was stupid and stayed for two years because I thought I loved him and he threatened without me he would commit suicide of whatever
In the end I did, I was so much better without him and he was sad but survived


So trust me, it's just not worth it. It'll drive you crazy, you'll loose your friends and in the end it just can't be a healthy relationship

Posted from TSR Mobile
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TheLostLegion
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#20
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#20
He's not rational now and he won't ever be. Bid farewell to him and cut him out.
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