Anxiety making me question my relationship Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Hi! So I moved in with my boyfriend just over 2 months ago and what should be a happy, exciting time, just isn't for me and I'm not sure why.
I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember (in the process of getting help), but I can't tell if it's the anxiety making me question my relationship or if it's that I'm falling out of love with my boyfriend

I was hoping after we moved in together that everything would be all magical and we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other now that we finally had our own place (we've been dating 1.5 years), but tbh it couldn't be further from that. I worry constantly about bills we might get for our new flat and whether something's going to go wrong. I'm forever snapping at him for the smallest things (I don't know what's wrong with me - the words just come out before I can stop myself). He'll have made me a lovely dinner, but then I'll have to point something wrong with it, or he'll eat in a way that really annoys me or rustle a food bag or leave the water running too long - it's ridiculous.

I feel so bad that I'm like this because he doesn't deserve it. He's a great guy that would do anything for me, but I always have to put a downer on things.

Sometimes I come home from work and even hope he's not there because I just want to be by myself (it's not that I don't like spending time with him, but more because I need to be alone). I have a bit of a commute everyday and I'm so anxious from it all (my anxiety is worst when on public transport) that when I get home sometimes I just feel like crying and that's why I hope he's not there because I don't want him to see that.
If he is home he'll come up and hug me and ask how my day was, but I find myself just fobbing him off and reaching for my laptop as that's my way to calm down after work and the commute.

We're barely intimate (about 2x a month) because I just can't relax enough to enjoy sex. I've never had the highest of libidos, but it's never been this bad before and I know it's killing my boyfriend because he'd have it several times a day if he could, but luckily he's really patient with me.

Anyway, I'm just worried that me snapping and getting annoyed at him every second for the smallest of things is a sign of me falling out of love with him because surely when you're in love nothing about your partner is wrong, is it? Or is it the anxiety speaking?
Has anyone else been in this situation? I don't know what to do
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
My word, I could have written that. All of it.

It's like, when you're snapping, you KNOW you're being irrational, but can't stop the words coming out, right??

And you just can't make yourself want sex.. But just occasionally you do it because you feel guilty for leaving it so long??

Every little thing drives you mad, and you wish it didn't; but you can't help it. You think that if he did X, Y or Z differently, you could be happy? Am I right?

I can't speak for your relationship as I don't know you, but I do know that anxiety does exactly this to me. When I'm not feeling anxious things are great, and that's how I know it's not that I'm falling out of love. And he's not the only person I'm irritable with. There are one or two others as well.

I've just started taking St John's Wort. I've been on it for a week and I'm definitely less irritable but I'm not convinced yet. I'll carry on with it and see what happens.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My word, I could have written that. All of it.

It's like, when you're snapping, you KNOW you're being irrational, but can't stop the words coming out, right??

And you just can't make yourself want sex.. But just occasionally you do it because you feel guilty for leaving it so long??

Every little thing drives you mad, and you wish it didn't; but you can't help it. You think that if he did X, Y or Z differently, you could be happy? Am I right?

I can't speak for your relationship as I don't know you, but I do know that anxiety does exactly this to me. When I'm not feeling anxious things are great, and that's how I know it's not that I'm falling out of love. And he's not the only person I'm irritable with. There are one or two others as well.

I've just started taking St John's Wort. I've been on it for a week and I'm definitely less irritable but I'm not convinced yet. I'll carry on with it and see what happens.
Thanks for your reply Sorry to hear you feel the same, but it's a relief to know I'm not alone and hopefully it is the anxiety speaking and I'm not falling out of love with him.

Yeah to be honest, the sex that we have about twice a month if just because I'm feeling guilty and after we've had it I'll think 'this is the longest time now until we have to have sex again' which I know sounds ridiculous because I'm supposed to want sex with my bf, but I just can't bring myself to want it

I guess I had some unreal expectations of how living together would be and because they didn't happen, I take it out on him. I'm so grateful that he's patient with me, but I know he can't be forever that's why I hope I can get some help soon.

Thanks for the St. John's Wort advice. I'm on the pill at the moment and I know this can affect it, but I was thinking of coming off the pill soon to see if that makes me feel any better and then I can give St. John's Wort a go.
Please tell me know how it's working out for you
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 4 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your reply Sorry to hear you feel the same, but it's a relief to know I'm not alone and hopefully it is the anxiety speaking and I'm not falling out of love with him.

Yeah to be honest, the sex that we have about twice a month if just because I'm feeling guilty and after we've had it I'll think 'this is the longest time now until we have to have sex again' which I know sounds ridiculous because I'm supposed to want sex with my bf, but I just can't bring myself to want it

I guess I had some unreal expectations of how living together would be and because they didn't happen, I take it out on him. I'm so grateful that he's patient with me, but I know he can't be forever that's why I hope I can get some help soon.

Thanks for the St. John's Wort advice. I'm on the pill at the moment and I know this can affect it, but I was thinking of coming off the pill soon to see if that makes me feel any better and then I can give St. John's Wort a go.
Please tell me know how it's working out for you
Yeah you just think it'll all be wonderful and idyllic almost, with the two of you together, but it rarely works out that way for real, no matter how in love you are.

I've been on the St John's Wort for a week and a half now, but unfortunately I'm going through some stressful things in my life at the moment so I can't tell whether they're working or not because my anxiety would be high right now whether I had a condition or not.. if that makes sense. So I'm hoping that when things calm down a little bit I'll have a better idea of how things are. I would love them to work, because they're so easy to get, but I understand that if they don't work I'll have to go and see the doctor. My boyfriend is doing his best to understand, but I know for a fact he'd like to have sex more, and don't get me wrong, I'd love to want it more as well!
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gen88
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Oh my god. You have also basically written out my life. well minus the moving in part:

I've been with my guy for almost 2 years now. He's the most amazing guy- in each and every way- and I do truly love him to bits. But he drives me insane most of the time- like little things really annoy me and I snap and get cranky. Just the other day for the first time he said 'I feel like you're always annoyed at me,' and I got really upset because I don't want to lose him- but I also have an anxiety disorder (since childhood) and I'm really hoping it's the anxiety and not the actual 'feelings' that make me like this.

I always (which is BAD)in my head try to compare our relationship to a previous one I had of 3 years. And I try and convince myself that previous bf's haven't been as 'annoying' etc, making me place more doubts in my mind.

When we have sex it's good but I'm on medication for anxiety which makes me have low sex drive.

I feel like every other couple are happier than I seem to be.

I'm scared to move in/get engaged in case: annoyances = me not truly liking him enough = it would be doomed and would fail. Does that make sense? I try to validate my feelings all the time with friends and family.

I've always been one to enjoy my time alone- not that I'm antisocial, I can just be on my own, be on the computer, read, hang out with my dogs etc. I've even travelled across Europe alone. And he's never understood that.

Hope all that makes sense, not sure I even gave any advice just wanted to share my bit

Oh and PS- look up 'relationship OCD' because I honestly think I have that.
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Tylerd94
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#6
Report 4 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi! So I moved in with my boyfriend just over 2 months ago and what should be a happy, exciting time, just isn't for me and I'm not sure why.
I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember (in the process of getting help), but I can't tell if it's the anxiety making me question my relationship or if it's that I'm falling out of love with my boyfriend

I was hoping after we moved in together that everything would be all magical and we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other now that we finally had our own place (we've been dating 1.5 years), but tbh it couldn't be further from that. I worry constantly about bills we might get for our new flat and whether something's going to go wrong. I'm forever snapping at him for the smallest things (I don't know what's wrong with me - the words just come out before I can stop myself). He'll have made me a lovely dinner, but then I'll have to point something wrong with it, or he'll eat in a way that really annoys me or rustle a food bag or leave the water running too long - it's ridiculous.

I feel so bad that I'm like this because he doesn't deserve it. He's a great guy that would do anything for me, but I always have to put a downer on things.

Sometimes I come home from work and even hope he's not there because I just want to be by myself (it's not that I don't like spending time with him, but more because I need to be alone). I have a bit of a commute everyday and I'm so anxious from it all (my anxiety is worst when on public transport) that when I get home sometimes I just feel like crying and that's why I hope he's not there because I don't want him to see that.
If he is home he'll come up and hug me and ask how my day was, but I find myself just fobbing him off and reaching for my laptop as that's my way to calm down after work and the commute.

We're barely intimate (about 2x a month) because I just can't relax enough to enjoy sex. I've never had the highest of libidos, but it's never been this bad before and I know it's killing my boyfriend because he'd have it several times a day if he could, but luckily he's really patient with me.

Anyway, I'm just worried that me snapping and getting annoyed at him every second for the smallest of things is a sign of me falling out of love with him because surely when you're in love nothing about your partner is wrong, is it? Or is it the anxiety speaking?
Has anyone else been in this situation? I don't know what to do
My ex would snap at me often over tiny things and call mw hideous names but no matter what I know he never loved me any less I used to be horrible to him because I hated myself for being gay and I'd take that out on him. I'm not sure why he would snap so much like one time I called him a user and he absolutely blew up which was ridiculous because for me to call him yhat has to be rather serious and he should of said 'why do you think that' but instead called me tons of names and stuff it was horrible we spoke afterwards and he understood were I waa coming from and we each saw that he never uses me he never asks for gifts heck he doesn't even hint at them he's adorable and hates me spending money on him he doesn't tell me what he wants because he knows I'll get it haha. Anyway what I'm getting at is go and talk to a counselor if you think you have anxiety then talk to someone about it otherwise you're anxiety if you have it will get worse because you'll begin to get anxious that you might have anxiety I kniw I habe panick attacks due to fear of actually have one so then do
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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Thanks for commenting, everyone. It's good to know I'm not alone.

I decided to tell my bf exactly how I was feeling on Monday and to be honest we almost broke up there and then I'd been thinking and I think I'm using my anxiety as an excuse to hide behind when in reality it might be that the relationship really isn't working.

We've decided to see how it goes, but if things haven't improved in a few months then I think it's time to throw in the towel, sadly

The best idea, I think, would be to go on a break first to clear our heads then try and start afresh, but as we live together, that's kind of hard. Neither of us have family in this country so I think one of us is going to see if any of our nice friends could put us up for a bit, which isn't really ideal as I'd hate to put them out.

Just thought I'd give you a little update. My head's a bit messed up at the moment :confused:
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