Struggling to deal with stress Watch
I just feel like at the moment everything's getting to me and making me feel down. I've had a hard life over time and I every once in a while, all that stuff I've been through just builds up in my head and I just sit on my own and cry for a while. I know it's said that it's good to have a cry sometimes but I just hate thinking about stuff that gets me down. I feel like I can never be open with people about my past and what I've had to deal with. There's only very few people I can just be myself around and feel like I can tell them anything, I almost feel like I'm lying to them all the time about the most basic stuff as I feel like I would get judged if I told the truth. I'm not a person to care what anyone thinks but everyone judges a book by it's cover, and that's what I'm afraid I'll get.
Like if someone asks me do I have any siblings, I say yeah I have 2 younger brothers, which is a LIE. I actually have an older brother too that got disowned from the family when he was 16 (that was 8 years ago) due to many reasons, which I won't go into much as it would make this post a lot longer than what it already will be. Basically he was a liar, a thief and only cared about money and himself. He was 2 years older than me and when I started high school, the teachers that taught him presumed I was going to be as bad as he was, he was a nightmare child. I think it's come from this really, the fear of being judged.
I have a form of autism called semantic pragmatic disorder. Basically means I need more time to think about stuff than most people, and other autistic traits. I was on job seekers for about a year and that was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. I felt like I couldn't say about my condition when applying for jobs as I was afraid that I would get judged, as I mentioned before. I have a job now and I think the late nights I do are making me not just physically exhausted but mentally too.
I've also had to deal with losing my nan to lung cancer almost a month ago. She and my granddad moved closer to where my parents live so they could see us more and then she found out a month after they moved that she had it.
The only good thing happening for me at the moment as that I'm going to be getting a flat soon as I'm currently living with my bf's parents at the moment, and have been for just over a year. That's been difficult to deal with too, not having my own space and doing what I want to do and living by my own rules.
Sorry for the long post. I guess I just needed a vent. I just don't know how to deal with all this going around in my head constantly and not really having anyone to talk to. I can talk to my family and my bf but I don't want to bring them down all the time.
Just wanted to see if anyone could give me any advice on how to deal with all this stress. Thanks