My friend is a hardcore geek and ridicules my being casual therefore knowing less Watch

Smash Bandicoot
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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edit: maybe move to Mental Health mods


it's annoying and can be hurtful (ikr I'm a guy saying my feeling are hurt, what a wet boy). He has been doing this more and more since he went to university and became more comfortable in his own skin. He will make 'jokes' like

"you're not even a casual geek, you don't know anything"

"you're such a noob, play the ****ing original games"

"are you ever going to finish that book/film/game?"

"your brother is more of a geek than you" [because sometimes I bring up my older brother who got me into stuff like Final Fantasy]

I tell him to [whine] 'stop it man' but he then just says "Jesus I'm kidding". I have a history as a child of being bullied/made the butt of jokes and then the aggressors getting on the defensive and saying things such as "God, can't you take a joke? No wonder you don't have many friends lol" and if I go on for too long they'd abandon me/dissociate from me/occasionally organise alienation policies in the playground (basically telling other kids not to hang out with me because they'd say I'm boring/no fun). So I am wary of saying things that will illicit this reaction from any of my friends or potential friends now.

This was funny back in A Levels-we had a running joke about me only reading "a chapter a day" of my book for a while, but now it is so commonplace and biting it's not remotely funny. Frankly I have been dealing with mild depression and anxiety for the past few years so I'm not always motivated, quite often this means I start worrying or getting worked up about bizarre and somewhat controversial/antisocial things. Obviously when this happens I'm otherwise pre-ocuppied and don't read much up on pop-culture i.e. geeky things,beyond the obvious like a new Marvel film comes out. He knows about this, sort of, yet he STILL makes the comments.

My friend has ADHD and has mild Aspergers too so even if I tell him to stop he won't take the hint, he considers it a conversation topic and gets quickly disinterested if people don't let him talk for too long. Comic books have been his passion (veering on obsession) for the last 5 years or so. My dad says he can be very intense and doesn't pick up on all the signals that people have to stop listening and do other things. A few years ago he would talk for 15 mintes, I would open my mouth to start making a point/arguing something different and he would just shut me up saying "No, can you let me speak/can you be quiet just for a minute?"

The irony is that he used to be very insecure and make emotional outbursts in high school, I put in a lot of effort to understand him and be his friend when he was bullied or ostracised for his eccentric nature. He's not the first high-maintenance person I have dealt with [I mean tbh, I AM ONE, but I have tried to help others like him, more intense again] I sacrificed some of my time with other friends to hang out with him in A Levels, eventually my problems and A2 stress got under mer and I had a little breakdown, as I recovered from that I realised that now he was the confident/outgoing one and I was the insecure and socially awkward friend. [B]He will refer to me being "a lot more self-assured years ago" quite regularly but I spare him the reason why./B]

This weekend I'm in London with him, he's doing the "God you call yourself a geek" thing again, in fact this time he said "it's just awkward when I say something and you have nothing to say back" [he will talk about say [hypothetically] Teen Titans issue 72 from 1965 and expect me to know the plot etc. and it's grinding my gears]. It's a completely uncalled for comment considering I just went to a Final Fantasy concert with him, he asked me to list my 5 favourite games and I listed games from FFVI-XIII since I never played FFI-V, he is now demanding I buy/play the originals or my opinion is invalid.

Buuuut it's his birthday weekend. I can't say much.

The thing is, because he has made tons of friends on his course/through anime/comic book societies etc., whereas I made very few because of my issues, I I tend to thing he is the one 'doing it right', and I'm the person at fault. I mean, if his strategy makes him more popular, doesn't that mean I'm the problem? Maybe I am the one who has nothing to say?

I don't really know why I'm typing this, just a bit of a rant I guess. I've tried telling him to stop but he's my (joint) best friend (my other best friend is slightly more hardcore than me but not as intense and more sympathetic). What would you advise?


edit: think I've said everything that can be said! Have Googled this and couldn't find anything
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Smash Bandicoot
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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tl;dr friend is being a **** about my lack of in-depth knowledge reop-culture, is making 'jokes' that are really thinly veiled insults to call me boring and that I "know nothing", thobu I could put this down to his ADHD/Aspergers, parents confirm. But, said friend has made numerous friends at Uni through his interests and passions that I didn't, he is now more popular than me, so I think he must be doing something right that I'm not, i.e. maybe he's justified in calling me [sic] "not even a real geek" etc.
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VinnicombeDmv
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Report 4 years ago
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I can't say anything regarding his ADHD, as I know jack all about that, but I too have Aspergers. While being an "Aspie" usually does mean you have trouble, or just downright find it nigh impossible, to pick up on social cues, that's no valid reason (read: excuse) for him being a d*** to you just because he considers himself more of a geek.

You didn't mention how 'far on the scale' he is with his Aspergers, which might be a factor. I mention this, because those of us with Aspergers, at least towards the lower end of the scale, find that as we get older we do in fact manage to learn some social cues and norms, albeit we have to observe, "takes notes" and intentionally try to learn them, but we do.

Personally, I wouldn't blame his Aspergers for his attitude towards you, I'd just say he's being a d***.
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Smash Bandicoot
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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(Original post by VinnicombeDmv)
I can't say anything regarding his ADHD, as I know jack all about that, but I too have Aspergers. While being an "Aspie" usually does mean you have trouble, or just downright find it nigh impossible, to pick up on social cues, that's no valid reason (read: excuse) for him being a d*** to you just because he considers himself more of a geek.

You didn't mention how 'far on the scale' he is with his Aspergers, which might be a factor. I mention this, because those of us with Aspergers, at least towards the lower end of the scale, find that as we get older we do in fact manage to learn some social cues and norms, albeit we have to observe, "takes notes" and intentionally try to learn them, but we do.

Personally, I wouldn't blame his Aspergers for his attitude towards you, I'd just say he's being a d***.
Thanks for the info mate. I have no idea but I think he is high-functioning? A doctor thinks I have Aspergers myself. But you're right it's no excuse to be a ****
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