Took my boyfriend on holiday for his birthday, he just got me a pair of earphones

I think it says a lot that you focus on the material value of presents rather than emotional worth. Also... you're asking a bunch of teenagers to advise you about the marriage problems of 20 or 30 somethings.. might want to take a rain check

if he got me something so small I would have just not spent so much the next year? some couples spend a lot on presents, some don't think it's a big deal... you need to have a conversation so you're on the same page

Firstly, I am not that rich, I'm a student, my parents don't give me money... I save maybe £50 a month in advance when I know his birthday is coming up... and they weren't even that expensive, I got good deals like £100-£150 per person. What I meat is, if I can go to a lot of effort to lan his present, I feel like he'd do the same if he cared.

I don't really know why I'm writing here. I know what he's like, it's just a way to vent.

Feeling pretty depressed about this tbh.

Last year, I surprised my bf, and took him abroad on holiday for his birthday. He bought me a pair of gloves (albet they were from Reiss).

This year, I took him to Belgium, he got me a pair of earphones.

Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty upset. It isn't about how much they cost, at all... I just thought he'd put more thought into it. He's 36, I'm 25. His birthday was in Sept and mine was yesterday.Meaning that his birthday was before mine and he put no effort into mine.

Last year I sort of made a little comment about how gloves were a bit ****, and my gran could've got me them... but he got upset, so this year I pretended I really appreciated the earphones.

I've started my MSc this year and so I planned for months beforehand as I knew I'd be a student again and so I'd have to budget well to take him away.

Thinking of breaking up. We've been together 4 years. But I don't know how to. First relationship, so would appreciate some advice.

Have you tried talking to him about this? Can totally see why you've posted ofc, but I wouldn't just vent. Try to get him to change his ways, but if he doesn't it's up to you if you want to stay or not

I don't think this is something that he will change. If OP talks to him he will probably take offence and cause an argument, even if he is cheap.

No he didn't go to any lengths to research it... we were messaging earlier in the day that I needed some, while he was at work and I was at uni. I met him after work and he gave them to me on the tube home. On my birthday I paid for our dinner... which is fine also, as I'm used to it. I think there are plenty of other reasons, like I said this was the last straw. Just don't know when/how to do it. I'm fed up of always being thoughtful and finding stuff to do. And now that I'm doing my masters, it's taking up a ****load of my time and he doesn't deserve being prioritised over it. I feel like I'm getting angrier and angrier about it... bleh

Honestly, it already sounds like you know what you want to do. It seems like, generally, you put a lot more effort into the relationship than he does...

There's a book called "He's Just Not That into You," read it if you have the time (or PM me for the link)

yeah I've read it and seen the film... you know what I'm really scared about? Breaking up at the right time. Like when do I do it? He goes on holiday at the end of this week. When he's back we're going to a gig. Do I do it now? Wait till after the gig? (It's something he's been looking forward to for ages, like it's one of his favourite people.)

Oh, yikes, that does sound awkward yep

Who paid for the gig tickets? Do you have them yet? If you do you could either wait till it's over and then break up (least favourable option IMO) or you could do it now and then sell them or something. If you don't have them yet it's easier I guess.

It's a jazz club so your name goes on the guest list rather than having physical tickets. We went halves, they were £50 each. And we've sort of done it together with his friend and his friend's girlfriend....