Confused by a girl at work Watch

Anonymous #1
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So, a girl started at my workplace 2 months ago. We get along well - really friendly girl, always smiling etc, and as a bonus I find her physically attractive too. I like her, got her number last week and did some brief texting, but just about work related stuff.

We were chatting at work today and she told me how how another colleague was sort of attempting to set us up, saying how "lovely" I am. The girl responded, "as a friend". Ouch. It's a kick in the teeth, I'm friend-zoned, okay fair enough then...

But the confusing part of this is that physically we don't have the body language of two people who are just friends. We hugged, had hold of each others hands on more than one occasion when she said that her hands were cold, got physically close more than once, etc.

Why would she be so responsive to things like that if she just considers us friends? Surely she would just pull away/try to avoid it? She doesn't seem like a very flirty person by nature anyway, so I don't know. Part of me thinks I should just try and move on from this girl, but despite what's been said, I don't want to just give up.
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Laomedeia
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I would say go for it and sod what others say or think. Its your life.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Laomedeia)
I would say go for it and sod what others say or think. Its your life.
That's not the issue though. I don't care what others think, I'm just weighing up the situation and whether it's reasonable or not to go for it.
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inachigeek21
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Give up! The girl is hard to get really. In other words, the girl you know is complex.
She probably admires and and likes you, but does not have the strong feelings of affection for you. She's probably weighing up the situation herself, wondering if a relationship with you is acceptable and great (great?)
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Yeah dude
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(Original post by inachigeek21)
Give up! The girl is hard to get really. In other words, the girl you know is complex.
She probably admires and and likes you, but does not have the strong feelings of affection for you. She's probably weighing up the situation herself, wondering if a relationship with you is acceptable and great (great?)
Rule 1 of life

Never give up


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Clip
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Next time you are talking to her, tell her that you have a date, and ask for some advice on choosing where to go. Invent a fictional girlfriend and see how she reacts. If she's obviously interested and happy for you - you've been friendzoned to the endzone. Come clean and tell her the truth that you were testing to see how she'd react.

If she gets all jealous and/or flirty - then you can string her along for a couple of weeks before making up some lie about having to choose between them, and either way you're no worse off.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Clip)
Next time you are talking to her, tell her that you have a date, and ask for some advice on choosing where to go. Invent a fictional girlfriend and see how she reacts. If she's obviously interested and happy for you - you've been friendzoned to the endzone. Come clean and tell her the truth that you were testing to see how she'd react.

If she gets all jealous and/or flirty - then you can string her along for a couple of weeks before making up some lie about having to choose between them, and either way you're no worse off.
This could work, good suggestion, thanks!
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Maudee4567
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Maybe she wasn't sure how you felt and was intimidated byt the fact someone else was trying to set you up, and even though she said as a friend you mihgt not be friendzone (if hat makes sense?)


I'd say go for it
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Maudee4567)
Maybe she wasn't sure how you felt and was intimidated byt the fact someone else was trying to set you up, and even though she said as a friend you mihgt not be friendzone (if hat makes sense?)


I'd say go for it
Yeah, I was thinking (hoping) this could be a reason for her saying it.
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Maudee4567
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah, I was thinking (hoping) this could be a reason for her saying it.
Suggest to her to go out for a cup of coffe or a drink in a bar or something?
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LeeMills77
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She said 'as friends' because she didn't want to experience rejection. That's her defence mechanism. She really likes you and just go for it.
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TheAnnabelle
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Do not invent a fictional girlfriend!!!! Bad move.

I see your point and her actions are a tad confusing. I suggest you ask her if to go out somewhere: cinema or drinks etc. If she again says "just friends" then you know.

Just fyi...us girls like to be a little precautious. She may have said "just friends" because she doesn't feel that you like her so she doesn't want to feel rejected you see? Perhaps make it clearer without being pushy that you ars interested. Probs best not to involve collegues...

Just my advice!


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DLau88
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Don't text her about work etc That's what you do if you want to be in the friendzone, just invite her to do something that can lead to the bedroom If she agrees you are in, if she doesn't then move on
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HuggleyDuck
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Maybe she's just a person who likes to get physically close with her friends?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheAnnabelle)
Do not invent a fictional girlfriend!!!! Bad move.

I see your point and her actions are a tad confusing. I suggest you ask her if to go out somewhere: cinema or drinks etc. If she again says "just friends" then you know.

Just fyi...us girls like to be a little precautious. She may have said "just friends" because she doesn't feel that you like her so she doesn't want to feel rejected you see? Perhaps make it clearer without being pushy that you ars interested. Probs best not to involve collegues...

Just my advice!


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I guess I haven't made it clear enough that I do like her. I'm usually the one who initiates the physical contact though, but she doesn't seem uncomfortable with it and is actually quite responsive. I don't plan on involving colleagues, even though a couple of them have commented on us being "a nice couple" and stuff.
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TheAnnabelle
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I guess I haven't made it clear enough that I do like her. I'm usually the one who initiates the physical contact though, but she doesn't seem uncomfortable with it and is actually quite responsive. I don't plan on involving colleagues, even though a couple of them have commented on us being "a nice couple" and stuff.
Best of luck!

There's no right or wrong way to go about it. And just remember, everyone she meets will go in the "friend" zone...even if you want to be her boy"friend" you have to be a "friend" to begin with. The way i see there's a reason the word is boyfriend.Not all relationships are like in the media when everything just takes off immediately. The best ones take a little time to get rolling at least for starters ahahha :-) (trying to sound realistic rather than cliché sorry )

(just yh don't do the pretend gf thing or try and make her jealous it never ends well and comes off as childish)
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InnerTemple
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This could work, good suggestion, thanks!
No! Don't do it!! Introducing a made up date will just confuse matters and might back fire.

For a start - her reaction would not be a reliable indicator of how she feels about you. You'll likely read all sorts into what she says in response and be none the wiser.

Or, worse case, if she did like you - but just wasn't sure about your feelings for her - then you apparently going on a date with someone may well confirm to her that, actually, the two of you are just friends.

The best thing you can do is just be upfront with her. The issue is the awkwardness what with you having to work with her should she say no.

But hopefully the two of you are grown up enough for that not to be a major issue.
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bittr n swt
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nah **** that *****, if she rejected you, she already has. Move on
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by InnerTemple)
No! Don't do it!! Introducing a made up date will just confuse matters and might back fire.

For a start - her reaction would not be a reliable indicator of how she feels about you. You'll likely read all sorts into what she says in response and be none the wiser.

Or, worse case, if she did like you - but just wasn't sure about your feelings for her - then you apparently going on a date with someone may well confirm to her that, actually, the two of you are just friends.

The best thing you can do is just be upfront with her. The issue is the awkwardness what with you having to work with her should she say no.

But hopefully the two of you are grown up enough for that not to be a major issue.
Yeah, you make a lot of good points there. I guess I'll just have to figure a way and read the signs if there are any. I only see her once a week as it is anyway, so although it could be awkward if things didn't work out, it wouldn't be like I regularly see her.

We've text a little and it's delayed replies (sometimes a couple of hours later), so I don't know how much I should read into that aswell. I'd have thought if a girl was interested, it may be a bit more regular, but this one confuses me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by bittr n swt)
nah **** that *****, if she rejected you, she already has. Move on
Part of me feels like I should because although she hasn't technically rejected me, it feels like she's set the tone that if I do make a move, it will be a rejection.

But on the other hand I don't feel ready to give up yet.
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