Why do no girls fancy me??

Hi, before I start I just want to clarify that this post is by no means a "feel sorry for me" or "pick me up" thread. I'm genuinely concerned and interested in to the possible reasons why to my question asked.

I've been single now for a couple of years. I've had a few failed relationships due to my insecure and paranoid behaviour. However that's kind of irrelevant and a different subject matter altogether.

Over the last couple of years I've become to get to know myself and like myself again. I'm at my most content in life and have been ready to meet somebody for a while now. The problem I have is that NO GIRLS FANCY ME. I seriously can not count the amount of rejections I've had over the past 2 years. I've been shot down by all walks of life. Some expected and some certainly not.

Personally I don't think I am bad looking at all. I believe I've got a degree of intellect and a vibrant and warm personality. I've been told I'm witty and fun to be around yet I can't seem to attract a girl? Most of my friends are female and have even said they are mystified at how bad my dating success has been. Then again they are obligated to be polite.

I walk down the street and can't help feel envious when I see pairs. Some that you wouldn't even put together but I am learning it's not all about looks. If it was then I'd be even more screwed.

I have hobbies. I go to the gym. I go to see live music. I play gold and I work. In all these environments you would think with the amount of females I come in to contact with that ONE would be available and interested. You'd be wrong. I've not had one ounce of interest in 2 years. I've been on various dating sites where I can log on after a week and find no messages no replies to my messages and a bunch of viewed me.

I'm genuinely stumped. Am I being deluded when I say I genuinely do not see why I am having such a bad run? I've thought of everything. I've even questioned if it's just others with issues and not me, but returned to believe that thinking is not helpful in any way.

My self esteem and confidence is diminishing by the day and really worry that I won't have the skills to even look at a woman soon.

I noticed even when I walk down the street no girl looks twice. At a bar no girl looks for longer than a glance before she's decided I'm not for her. I don't want to change my appearance to suit somebody else. I'd like for them to get to know the person I am and what I can offer actually is more than the average Joe and idiotic players out there.

I suppose you can only judge me on my looks on here as anybody can claim how nice they are without evidence but perhaps I'm wanting a female perspective on how attractions work and a males take on it too. Maybe you're going through similar or have done and can shed some light?

Please be nice with your responses. I've not wrote this to be complimented or insured.

Thank you for reading.

Reply 1

Zarek

21

I feel that unless you are in the above average attractiveness set dating is always hard work with a lot of rejections along the way. The only way forward is playing to your strengths and tenacity and patience. If you have had some previous relationships it demonstrates you can have success. See if you can get some more able friends to give you some coaching, show an interest in girls generally, don't focus on models, and keep going. In my experience fallow years are not uncommon and luck does change.

Reply 2

Maid Marian

20

Maybe you're not asking out the right ones. Probably people have fancied you in the past, but they were too shy to say.

Just improve yourself, increase your self esteem and confidence by doing hobbies and things and then people should naturally gravitate towards you. :smile:

(easier said than done, I know :nothing:

)

Reply 3

maddo

12

Original post by Maid Marian

Maybe you're not asking out the right ones. Probably people have fancied you in the past, but they were too shy to say.

Just improve yourself, increase your self esteem and confidence by doing hobbies and things and then people should naturally gravitate towards you. :smile:

(easier said than done, I know :nothing:

)

In other words... take up interpretative dance? I am natural gravity in the way I rise and fall, sway and glide, and SWOOP.

Reply 4

futbol

18

I think the length of that post is an indicator to the answer of your question...

Reply 5

Tom78

18

I had barely any self-esteem until the summer before last I would say.. I assumed no girl's were attracted to me and that I wasn't an attractive individual.. I started going to the gym, fixed my hair, got into fashion all of which improved my confidence pulled one girl when I got to uni whom I thought was out of my league, realised that in fact I could do better than her and have since pulled several girls including a thirty-something "worldie" in the summer so it just goes to show. It's all in your mindset, and if it's still not figuring out, change your routine / social circle / pick up a new hobby etc.

Reply 6

Hollywood Hogan

14

Original post by Ryuken22

Hi, before I start I just want to clarify that this post is by no means a "feel sorry for me" or "pick me up" thread. I'm genuinely concerned and interested in to the possible reasons why to my question asked.

I've been single now for a couple of years. I've had a few failed relationships due to my insecure and paranoid behaviour. However that's kind of irrelevant and a different subject matter altogether.

Over the last couple of years I've become to get to know myself and like myself again. I'm at my most content in life and have been ready to meet somebody for a while now. The problem I have is that NO GIRLS FANCY ME. I seriously can not count the amount of rejections I've had over the past 2 years. I've been shot down by all walks of life. Some expected and some certainly not.

Personally I don't think I am bad looking at all. I believe I've got a degree of intellect and a vibrant and warm personality. I've been told I'm witty and fun to be around yet I can't seem to attract a girl? Most of my friends are female and have even said they are mystified at how bad my dating success has been. Then again they are obligated to be polite.

I walk down the street and can't help feel envious when I see pairs. Some that you wouldn't even put together but I am learning it's not all about looks. If it was then I'd be even more screwed.

I have hobbies. I go to the gym. I go to see live music. I play gold and I work. In all these environments you would think with the amount of females I come in to contact with that ONE would be available and interested. You'd be wrong. I've not had one ounce of interest in 2 years. I've been on various dating sites where I can log on after a week and find no messages no replies to my messages and a bunch of viewed me.

I'm genuinely stumped. Am I being deluded when I say I genuinely do not see why I am having such a bad run? I've thought of everything. I've even questioned if it's just others with issues and not me, but returned to believe that thinking is not helpful in any way.

My self esteem and confidence is diminishing by the day and really worry that I won't have the skills to even look at a woman soon.

I noticed even when I walk down the street no girl looks twice. At a bar no girl looks for longer than a glance before she's decided I'm not for her. I don't want to change my appearance to suit somebody else. I'd like for them to get to know the person I am and what I can offer actually is more than the average Joe and idiotic players out there.

I suppose you can only judge me on my looks on here as anybody can claim how nice they are without evidence but perhaps I'm wanting a female perspective on how attractions work and a males take on it too. Maybe you're going through similar or have done and can shed some light?

Please be nice with your responses. I've not wrote this to be complimented or insured.

Thank you for reading.

If you go looking for it, you won't find it, they say. Keep working hard with your life's goals, and you will draw in the women who are fed up of being chased by desperate guys.

Reply 7

darzenalblex

I don't think there is a trick, really just be yourself. May not be the best advice, however there are some things like looks, personality, goals, ambitions, etc.

Reply 8

WeedCanKill

13

Are you rich? Do you.have a six pack with good pecs?

If you can't answer yes to either of those questions, there's your answer.

Reply 9

Architecture-er

19

Original post by Ryuken22

Hi, before I start I just want to clarify that this post is by no means a "feel sorry for me" or "pick me up" thread. I'm genuinely concerned and interested in to the possible reasons why to my question asked.

I've been single now for a couple of years. I've had a few failed relationships due to my insecure and paranoid behaviour. However that's kind of irrelevant and a different subject matter altogether.

Over the last couple of years I've become to get to know myself and like myself again. I'm at my most content in life and have been ready to meet somebody for a while now. The problem I have is that NO GIRLS FANCY ME. I seriously can not count the amount of rejections I've had over the past 2 years. I've been shot down by all walks of life. Some expected and some certainly not.

Personally I don't think I am bad looking at all. I believe I've got a degree of intellect and a vibrant and warm personality. I've been told I'm witty and fun to be around yet I can't seem to attract a girl? Most of my friends are female and have even said they are mystified at how bad my dating success has been. Then again they are obligated to be polite.

I walk down the street and can't help feel envious when I see pairs. Some that you wouldn't even put together but I am learning it's not all about looks. If it was then I'd be even more screwed.

I have hobbies. I go to the gym. I go to see live music. I play gold and I work. In all these environments you would think with the amount of females I come in to contact with that ONE would be available and interested. You'd be wrong. I've not had one ounce of interest in 2 years. I've been on various dating sites where I can log on after a week and find no messages no replies to my messages and a bunch of viewed me.

I'm genuinely stumped. Am I being deluded when I say I genuinely do not see why I am having such a bad run? I've thought of everything. I've even questioned if it's just others with issues and not me, but returned to believe that thinking is not helpful in any way.

My self esteem and confidence is diminishing by the day and really worry that I won't have the skills to even look at a woman soon.

I noticed even when I walk down the street no girl looks twice. At a bar no girl looks for longer than a glance before she's decided I'm not for her. I don't want to change my appearance to suit somebody else. I'd like for them to get to know the person I am and what I can offer actually is more than the average Joe and idiotic players out there.

I suppose you can only judge me on my looks on here as anybody can claim how nice they are without evidence but perhaps I'm wanting a female perspective on how attractions work and a males take on it too. Maybe you're going through similar or have done and can shed some light?

Please be nice with your responses. I've not wrote this to be complimented or insured.

Thank you for reading.

I know exactly how you feel, I was in the same position.. smart (probably), 7/10 on looks, funny, respectful (not in a white knight way, but in a "I won't call you a ho" way, etc etc.

My problem was that I was aiming at attracting girls generically, females I was already friends with, random girls in bars and/or nightclubs, and so on. That is, I wasn't sure if I wanted to try and be a "playa" or long-term material, so I ended up bouncing everywhere in between, especially since my degree gave little or no time to socialising.

My suggestion is to go to social things with a friend (singular) when he/she is spending time with a different friend circle. Meeting girls through a mutual friend has a number of benefits:

a) You've already been 'vetted' by the friend who is taking you, so there's an unspoken guarantee to any other girls there that you're not an axe murderer (and probably not in a relationship)

b) You don't know ANYONE. Except this one friend, but you can't hide with them forever. So it forces you to meet new people, and be sociable. If there's an unknown guy at a party full of people they already know, single girls will want to check you out, especially if you're making an effort to be the centre of the fun

c) If you do pair up with a girl, she has the safety net of being able to avoid you forever if she wants to if you turn out needy / maniacal etc afterwards. Because you don't have a mutual friends circle there's no danger of her social status quo changing if she dumps you, or vice versa

In short, if you don't want to be a seedy guy throwing odds into the wind in expensive bars night after night, go for friendship circles that you have very tenuous connections to and look around there

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 10

cole-slaw

5

Original post by Ryuken22

Hi, before I start I just want to clarify that this post is by no means a "feel sorry for me" or "pick me up" thread. I'm genuinely concerned and interested in to the possible reasons why to my question asked.

I've been single now for a couple of years. I've had a few failed relationships due to my insecure and paranoid behaviour. However that's kind of irrelevant and a different subject matter altogether.

Over the last couple of years I've become to get to know myself and like myself again. I'm at my most content in life and have been ready to meet somebody for a while now. The problem I have is that NO GIRLS FANCY ME. I seriously can not count the amount of rejections I've had over the past 2 years. I've been shot down by all walks of life. Some expected and some certainly not.

Personally I don't think I am bad looking at all. I believe I've got a degree of intellect and a vibrant and warm personality. I've been told I'm witty and fun to be around yet I can't seem to attract a girl? Most of my friends are female and have even said they are mystified at how bad my dating success has been. Then again they are obligated to be polite.

I walk down the street and can't help feel envious when I see pairs. Some that you wouldn't even put together but I am learning it's not all about looks. If it was then I'd be even more screwed.

I have hobbies. I go to the gym. I go to see live music. I play gold and I work. In all these environments you would think with the amount of females I come in to contact with that ONE would be available and interested. You'd be wrong. I've not had one ounce of interest in 2 years. I've been on various dating sites where I can log on after a week and find no messages no replies to my messages and a bunch of viewed me.

I'm genuinely stumped. Am I being deluded when I say I genuinely do not see why I am having such a bad run? I've thought of everything. I've even questioned if it's just others with issues and not me, but returned to believe that thinking is not helpful in any way.

My self esteem and confidence is diminishing by the day and really worry that I won't have the skills to even look at a woman soon.

.

So for all these girls you have met, when you say you have had no interest, what have you done to get their interest?

Don't bother with dating sites, you're not a 55 year old divorcee.

I noticed even when I walk down the street no girl looks twice. At a bar no girl looks for longer than a glance before she's decided I'm not for her. I don't want to change my appearance to suit somebody else. I'd like for them to get to know the person I am and what I can offer actually is more than the average Joe and idiotic players out there.

I suppose you can only judge me on my looks on here as anybody can claim how nice they are without evidence but perhaps I'm wanting a female perspective on how attractions work and a males take on it too. Maybe you're going through similar or have done and can shed some light?

Please be nice with your responses. I've not wrote this to be complimented or insured.

Thank you for reading

Why not? If that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. People have to change their appearance all the time. Would you refuse to change your appearance for a job interview?

Reply 11

HopeDSecret

Maybe before you ask a girl out you should let her get to know you better since when you first meet someone you only have their appearance to decided what they are like and not to be hurt full but I do not think that any one is true judge of their own a attractiveness.

Reply 12

Stinkum

3

sadly that's life. there's nothing you can do to change it. focus on other aspects of your life. forget about this. dont dwell. move forward with life. you will win this in the end.

Reply 13

Hollywood Hogan

14

Are you sure you are actually decent looking? I certainly am, and even I struggle, but I always pick up the odd decent looking girl here and there in night clubs. A pair of nice coloured light grey contacts helped, as did some grooming with eye brow threading. A nice set of teeth also helps. Beaver teeth is a no no, see a dentist to get them cut down if so.