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Relationship surviving uni?

I've been with my bf for a year and we've just moved to our respective unis. We're not that far from each other but I think it's going to be harder to see each other than I had imagined. He also seems very different already, not in a bad way, but it's still something to get used to. He doesn't seem that keen to get in touch with me or come over - I've been to see him once and he didn't seem that keen on the idea of sex either; I'm trying not to be clingy but that did quite surprise me. I know noone can tell me whether it'll work out so no "how should we know" replies please, but just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and if so how did it all turn out. Thanks

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Reply 1

Mangaroo

mate dumped his gf before uni. felt guilty, got back together. now at uni, trying to ditch girlfriend.

on the other hand, he might not be making much of an effort because (if its freshers) hes probbly trying to meet some new friends and spend time with them

Reply 2

Roberto Tomato

He's sleeping around.

Reply 3

Leisure17

How about you both just giving each other some time to get used to the new situation?

You are both being confronted with new challenges, new people and presumably a new environment. A lot of energy will go into making this work, so there might not be a lot of energy left to put into the relationship just now.
Maybe just keeping in loose contact over the next 4-6 weeks, phoning, mailing, letters, texts will give both of you time to find out about your new life at uni.
Then a weekend spent together to catch up on all the new things and find time for each other might be wise.

It can, of course come to the point, where your lifes will drift apart, because you do not have all that much in common anymore, but that remains to be seen.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Roberto Tomato

He's sleeping around.

Clearly, soon as I go to uni I'm dumping my gf if we're still together.

Reply 5

Leisure17

Anonymous

Clearly, soon as I go to uni I'm dumping my gf if we're still together.

That is about as kind as putting a dog by the roadside when you want to go off on holiday.

I guess that is also approx. the status your girlfriend has in your life? :frown:

(Unless your answer was a sick joke)

Reply 6

myrtille

I guess that is also approx. the status your girlfriend has in your life?

I agree... If you care about someone that much, you'd at least try to make it work. Yeah, if you move away, you'll miss them. But the same would apply if you dumped them, you'd still miss them, surely, if the only reason for breaking up was moving away.

I'm off to uni on Sunday, will be coming back for a weekend in 3 weeks time. Not sure if my boyfriend is coming up before then...

Reply 7

username47781

It can survive if you truely love each other it is possible long as you work at it.

My girlfriend was away from me for 2 years at uni but we both survived.

I would not listen to all those people who say he will sleep around and cheat, not everyone does that at uni, in fact one girl i know who's boyfriend went to uni, instead of dumping her he proposed to her.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

mines going down the pan tbh

Reply 9

supernova2

All the people saying theyd dump their gf's are going anonymous because they know what they are saying is wrong. Pussies.

Reply 10

username47781

supernova2

All the people saying theyd dump their gf's are going anonymous because they know what they are saying is wrong. Pussies.

A large percentage of those guys who dump their girlfriends use uni as an excuse.

Reply 11

Seeks

my girl is off at uni but i dont care because in the end what is it going to change? It is going to make it a bit harder to see her but she is worth the effort and a lot more. I trust her and i know as long as there is effort going in it can work. I dont want to lose her because she means far to much to me.

At the moment she is in freshers and hence she is out a lot and anytime i do get to talk to her im usually interuppted by someone coming in... something hhappening. But to be honest i know its freshers week and i expect it. Infact if her friends come in i tell her to go and have fun, yeah i want to talk to her but to be honest its more important that she is happy and has fun. I mean making friends is important during freshers so i am not fussed with letting her make friends and spend time with them (as making friends needs effort). Of course id prefer to talk to her to spend time with her, but at the end of the day it is best for her to make the friends.

And i am going up on friday for the weekend so im happy enough at that :biggrin:

.

So in summary (ignore the babble above if you want) it is possible to work. Anything is possible as long as you put the effort in. :biggrin:

It does take 2 to tango, but just give him time to settle in.

Reply 12

Princess_Peach

His sexual appetite may have reduced due to stress. However his apathetic behaviour is worrisome.

*hugs*

I feel bad for you.

Hopefully you will make loads of new friends (and hunks) at your new uni and forget all about him.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Thanks for replies, even the "he's sleeping around etc" ones cos it's always good to get a look at how lucky I am to have a boyfriend at all and not be dealing with the likes of people like that! Luckily he finds shagging around disgusting and wouldn't do that even if we were single. I think we're going to be just fine but we're going to have a chat soon anyway. Thanks again guys

Reply 14

CyanideZombie

All the best - hope it goes well :smile:

Reply 15

pumpkin7

Carl1982

I would not listen to all those people who say he will sleep around and cheat, not everyone does that at uni, in fact one girl i know who's boyfriend went to uni, instead of dumping her he proposed to her.

yeah! i know someone who did that. i think it's really cute. :smile:

Reply 16

Anonymous #4

Carl1982

in fact one girl i know who's boyfriend went to uni, instead of dumping her he proposed to her.

Haha, wish my bf would do that :frown:

Reply 17

Anonymous #5

I'm in the same situation kind of, I rang my boyfriend last night and he said we need to have a 'serious relationship talk', and when i asked him if he was breaking up with me he didn't really say no. When I asked him if this talk might not necessarily end up with him dumping me he said 'not necessarily'. I know he's not been feeling very happy about us not being together as much as we were in school but we're only an hour away from each other and I am absolutely determined to make it work, even if I have to visit twice a week. It's so ridiculous, his attitude has totally changed within the space of about 2 days. I went to see him on saturday and everything was okay i think... we went out with some friends from school until like 3 in the morning and i was so shattered afterwards we just slept in his bed... maybe he's pissed off that the first time i visited him in uni he didn't get any sex?! the thing is, although we've been together for ages sex is still a bit novel (for one reason or another i just wasn't ready for a very long time, seems ridiculous now) and i thought that just sleeping would be okay... but maybe he's giving it more significance than it deserves... like it's a sign that i don't want to be with him or something. he used to ring me every night because he has free minutes but he's not rung me for a couple of days... i ended up ringing him and using all my credit on some of the most depressing conversations i think i've ever had. he's texted me a couple of times since but he seems really detached and doesn't put 'i love you' at the end which we have always done. also he was going to come and visit on friday but now he's going to come saturday, could this be because he's just coming here to break up with me and knows that i will ask him to stay for 2 nights if he comes earlier? meh :frown: