I think I am scared of intimacy... Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Okay so lets start with the fact that I am 16, and never done anything (as in only ever hugged a guy who I am friends with nothing).

So the other day I was at a Halloween get together with a couple of friends, so there was me, my best friend and her boyfriend, her boyfriend's best friend and one of my other really close guy friends. I had never met her boyfriend or his friend(lets call him X).
We started out by watching a horror film, so I was sat on the floor and X came and sat next to me and kept edging closer to me and we ended up being so close we were touching, we talked quietly for quite a bit of the film too; the lights were off so no one noticed until the end of the film.
After the film we played truth or dare and somehow all of either of our dares had to do with each other, one of which was kissing. I refused and took a forfeit, but he seemed up for it. After that everyone kept telling us that we'd be cute together and all that sort of stuff, trying to get us to "hurry up and make out already" but I wouldn't. Then my guy friend took me out of the room to tell me that X really liked me; because that didn't make it anymore awkward at all...
So yeah, X kept trying to get close to me, and I wouldn't let him, I feel kind of bad now because he was a really nice guy and I might even like him but I just couldn't do anything. I didn't even get his number, and he doesn't have Facebook or my number and we aren't from the same town so zero chance of bumping into him without it being purposeful.

Now this may seem like a one off incident but it isn't, it has happened in the past in similar circumstances. So I liked this guy for a long time, and he knew, he told me he liked me too but I couldn't bring myself to do anything (This went on for almost a year and a half). Then he left the area (he got expelled for drug dealing [I didn't know about that until he was expelled]) and I doubt I will ever see him again.

I don't know if it's just that I am not ready, or if I don't actually like them, or if I am ready but just to scared...

TSR please give me some advice on what to do...
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Anonymous #2
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Report 4 years ago
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Youre only 16, it happens. You'll meet someone who is special and you'll automatically feel comfortable getting "intimate"
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username1060288
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The joys of modern dating mean that you don't need to decide if you 'like' him or not just yet. Why not get your mutual friend to give you his number and then see if he wants to go for a coffee or dessert or something? It will be less pressure if it's just the two of you. Although you will be nervous (everyone is about first dates), it's worth pushing through. If he's a nice guy, he'll probably think it's cute ) Stress to your mutual friend that you aren't sure if you're interested but want to give the guy a chance in a one-to-one situation and see whether you guys are a good match.
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Nicholas Nelson
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I know you didn't want any advice and I’m sorry but never let anyone pressure you into intimacy, your friend should have known better.

I used to be scared of intimacy, now I think about it I was more scared about intimacy with the wrong person, I wasn’t really that bothered until I reached the age of 18 which some of my friends thought was a bit odd, fair enough tbh.
Good luck in the future
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Choncemeister
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You're not alone here in the whole lacking in intimacy department. I need to ask you a few questions first before I can help with some advice.
1) Do you think he's good looking? (aesthetically)
2) Did you feel any chemistry between you two?
3) Do you like his personality?

This is what sexual attraction comes down to. If X didn't tick all three of those boxes then I've got news for you, you don't need to feel bad about not wanting to make out with him. I met up with this girl who I hadn't seen for a while quite recently. She was coming onto me all evening, obviously wanting to be physical. I liked her personality and thought she was quite good looking, but I actually felt really uncomfortable because I felt no chemistry towards her. She was probably quite upset by it but in the end it was for the best that I didn't lead her on (too much :/).

If you've ever heard of the infamous 'friend zone' that "nice guys" complain about, it's where girls in your situation end up clumsily trying not to lose contact with a guy who they have no chemistry with, and as a result the guy ends up receiving mixed signals and feeling like he's been led on. It's very difficult to create a sexual connection with someone unless it's already there.
So to put a simple answer to your question, it's because you don't actually like X in the way that he likes you. You're still discovering your sexuality, so don't force it if something doesn't feel right. Hoped this helped!

18 Y.O Male btw
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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Thank you all very much for your responses. They have really helped with my situation.

(Original post by Choncemeister)
You're not alone here in the whole lacking in intimacy department. I need to ask you a few questions first before I can help with some advice.
1) Do you think he's good looking? (aesthetically)
2) Did you feel any chemistry between you two?
3) Do you like his personality?

This is what sexual attraction comes down to. If X didn't tick all three of those boxes then I've got news for you, you don't need to feel bad about not wanting to make out with him. I met up with this girl who I hadn't seen for a while quite recently. She was coming onto me all evening, obviously wanting to be physical. I liked her personality and thought she was quite good looking, but I actually felt really uncomfortable because I felt no chemistry towards her. She was probably quite upset by it but in the end it was for the best that I didn't lead her on (too much :/).

If you've ever heard of the infamous 'friend zone' that "nice guys" complain about, it's where girls in your situation end up clumsily trying not to lose contact with a guy who they have no chemistry with, and as a result the guy ends up receiving mixed signals and feeling like he's been led on. It's very difficult to create a sexual connection with someone unless it's already there.
So to put a simple answer to your question, it's because you don't actually like X in the way that he likes you. You're still discovering your sexuality, so don't force it if something doesn't feel right. Hoped this helped!

18 Y.O Male btw
In answer to the questions
1) Sort of
2) Yes, I think so
3) Yes

(Original post by whisper2012)
The joys of modern dating mean that you don't need to decide if you 'like' him or not just yet. Why not get your mutual friend to give you his number and then see if he wants to go for a coffee or dessert or something? It will be less pressure if it's just the two of you. Although you will be nervous (everyone is about first dates), it's worth pushing through. If he's a nice guy, he'll probably think it's cute ) Stress to your mutual friend that you aren't sure if you're interested but want to give the guy a chance in a one-to-one situation and see whether you guys are a good match.
I will talk to her tomorrow (:

(Original post by Nicholas Nelson)
I know you didn't want any advice and I’m sorry but never let anyone pressure you into intimacy, your friend should have known better.

I used to be scared of intimacy, now I think about it I was more scared about intimacy with the wrong person, I wasn’t really that bothered until I reached the age of 18 which some of my friends thought was a bit odd, fair enough tbh.
Good luck in the future

Just found out my best friend is "shipping" us, and its on facebook... might ask my other friend for his number instead xD
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