My "one night stand" is behaving like a fool. What's his problem? Watch

Anonymous #1
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Cliffnotes: I met this guy through friends one evening. We really hit it off and ended up going off and spending the rest of the evening together. We clicked, had lots of great conversation and well...one thing lead to another and we slept together. The next day he encouraged me to stay a bit longer, was spooning and seemed very interested in me and my life.

We met weeks later and he now felt very awkward about the ons (not a casual sex type apparently). He also pretended not to see me at first (well he's often shy but still!) and kept running off whenever we were getting into the rhythm of conversation. But afterwards we got talking on Facebook and have talked every week. However, he recently started ignoring me to the extent that it has been quite rude.

Because of this a few nights ago I declined an invite to his party as I had decided I was done with this odd treatment. A guy from work invited me to his party so I went there instead. So later in the evening my friend bumps into this guy...and he starts talking about me but pretends to have forgotten my name!! As in doesn't pronounce it properly and kind of stutters over it when he knows me fine well...

What is wrong with this guy and why is he behaving in this manner? We are part of the same friend group so I hardly want things to be awkward!
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lou_100
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He obviously just doesn't/hasn't done it often - the whole ONS thing - and is now quite confused and awkward about how to act around you. Maybe he doesn't know how to just talk to you as a normal friend now that he's seen you naked, and as he lacks experience he probably can't work out whether you see it as a strictly ONE night thing or whether you want it to happen again.

He's inexperienced with ONSs, doesn't know what you're thinking, doesn't know how to act.

You could actually bring it up. Feel like that's a way to resolve it. Be really friendly and just say look I can tell you've been acting a bit funny around me but I just wanted to say you don't have to feel awkward about anything - I want to be friends/everything is absolutely fine with us blah blah. Might relax him.
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hellodave5
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Maybe he likes you... so he is acting opposite, to create a barrier, so he's not hurt? I dunno
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lou_100)
He obviously just doesn't/hasn't done it often - the whole ONS thing - and is now quite confused and awkward about how to act around you. Maybe he doesn't know how to just talk to you as a normal friend now that he's seen you naked, and as he lacks experience he probably can't work out whether you see it as a strictly ONE night thing or whether you want it to happen again.

He's inexperienced with ONSs, doesn't know what you're thinking, doesn't know how to act.

You could actually bring it up. Feel like that's a way to resolve it. Be really friendly and just say look I can tell you've been acting a bit funny around me but I just wanted to say you don't have to feel awkward about anything - I want to be friends/everything is absolutely fine with us blah blah. Might relax him.
Thanks Lou.

Well actually, the last time I saw him I did this! I smiled, offered him friendship and he jumped at the chance. He was very keen to build a friendship in fact. Would my saying this not have suggested I didn't want another one night stand?. And yet just as quickly went cold on me and would talk to my flatmates but not me!

I really don't know what more I can do now. I don't want things to continue in this way however as I want to be able to hang out with my friends in his presence and not have to avoid him. It's actually sad as he's a nice guy and we have a decent amount in common.
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lou_100
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks Lou.

Well actually, the last time I saw him I did this! I smiled, offered him friendship and he jumped at the chance. He was very keen to build a friendship in fact. Would my saying this not have suggested I didn't want another one night stand?. And yet just as quickly went cold on me and would talk to my flatmates but not me!

I really don't know what more I can do now. I don't want things to continue in this way however as I want to be able to hang out with my friends in his presence and not have to avoid him. It's actually sad as he's a nice guy and we have a decent amount in common.
Either continue to make an active effort to be his friend to remind him of what you said to him that time, or is there any way you can confide in one of his closer mates and see if anything is up? Just saying like you guys agreed to make an effort to be friends but he's being funny again with you, so do they know if anythings up or why that might be?
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Tom78
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Seems a bit beta..
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tom78)
Seems a bit beta..
He's pretty shy. Totally different in the bedroom...but my god, if I had known it would be this difficult afterwards!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lou_100)
Either continue to make an active effort to be his friend to remind him of what you said to him that time, or is there any way you can confide in one of his closer mates and see if anything is up? Just saying like you guys agreed to make an effort to be friends but he's being funny again with you, so do they know if anythings up or why that might be?
I tried speaking to him again today but yet again he just ignored me. Now I'm really uncomfortable. I've done nothing to this guy other than enjoy a really nice night with him that happened to run on into the next afternoon...and during which he was very affectionate and keen for me to stick around.

My friends will be going to his house for a party next week but I am wondering now if I should have a direct conversation with him asking if I am still welcome because it doesn't feel like it. Thoughts?
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tinshed
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Cliffnotes: I met this guy through friends one evening. We really hit it off and ended up going off and spending the rest of the evening together. We clicked, had lots of great conversation and well...one thing lead to another and we slept together. The next day he encouraged me to stay a bit longer, was spooning and seemed very interested in me and my life.

We met weeks later and he now felt very awkward about the ons (not a casual sex type apparently). He also pretended not to see me at first (well he's often shy but still!) and kept running off whenever we were getting into the rhythm of conversation. But afterwards we got talking on Facebook and have talked every week. However, he recently started ignoring me to the extent that it has been quite rude.

Because of this a few nights ago I declined an invite to his party as I had decided I was done with this odd treatment. A guy from work invited me to his party so I went there instead. So later in the evening my friend bumps into this guy...and he starts talking about me but pretends to have forgotten my name!! As in doesn't pronounce it properly and kind of stutters over it when he knows me fine well...

What is wrong with this guy and why is he behaving in this manner? We are part of the same friend group so I hardly want things to be awkward!
maybe he thinks you blew him off and so he wants to get some distance. besides if it was a ons and you don't want anything more from him then why do you keep talking to him? if you want to do him again or have a causal relationship then tell him so. if you just want to be friends then again say so. but if I were in his place and you said you want to be friends I would feel pretty weird.

I had a one night kissing marathon with one of my coursemates and in the morning I kind of messed it up cause I said this is as far as it will go. I wanted to remain friends but for the following 2 weeks it was SO weird - I felt awkward, he felt awkward. later (I mean 4 months later) we because better friends. you need to figure out what you want from this guy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by tinshed)
maybe he thinks you blew him off and so he wants to get some distance. besides if it was a ons and you don't want anything more from him then why do you keep talking to him? if you want to do him again or have a causal relationship then tell him so. if you just want to be friends then again say so. but if I were in his place and you said you want to be friends I would feel pretty weird.

I had a one night kissing marathon with one of my coursemates and in the morning I kind of messed it up cause I said this is as far as it will go. I wanted to remain friends but for the following 2 weeks it was SO weird - I felt awkward, he felt awkward. later (I mean 4 months later) we because better friends. you need to figure out what you want from this guy.
Basically, because talking to him seems like the way to retain a sense of normality.

My flatmates are friends with him, I'm friends with his two flatmates...but the two of us don't talk! I feel awkward. Well, I would have been open to dating him and considered telling him I liked him but after he said he felt awkward about what happened between us because he usually didn't have sex outside relationships...and I didn't feel I could say anything after all!
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llys
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Maybe ask his flatmates what they think his problem is?

He sounds just awful to be around tbh. I'd ignore him right back. I know that's not very mature but I have no patience with that sort of thing.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by llys)
Maybe ask his flatmates what they think his problem is?

He sounds just awful to be around tbh. I'd ignore him right back. I know that's not very mature but I have no patience with that sort of thing.
Yeah I mean from now I on am going to be pleasant enough but generally ignorant I think...but I am so friendly and chatty to everyone that it makes me feel awkward to behave that way towards someone,

The other irritating thing about him - my male flatmate, who was friends with him before we met, joked (to his face, sadly, and after a lot of alcohol) that he was a bit odd when they first met. Since then they have got on very well...and yet...people overheard this guy discussing my flatmate at the weekend and the fact he had the "audacity to insult him in his own home" this one time about 2 months ago. Seriously.
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DorianGrayism
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I did something similar once.

I didn't like the girl.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DorianGrayism)
I did something similar once.

I didn't like the girl.
And did you have to see her as frequently as I am going to have to see this guy?
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llys
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I mean from now I on am going to be pleasant enough but generally ignorant I think...but I am so friendly and chatty to everyone that it makes me feel awkward to behave that way towards someone.
Yeah, don't be rude to him, but if he wants to pretend you don't know each other, then fine, just treat him like an acquaintance, friendly but non-committal. TBH from your respective personalities it sounds like all your friends can see through this, so at least you don't have to worry about their reactions.

For what it's worth, I think he just needs to grow up. Maybe in a few months you'll be able to laugh about this together, who knows?
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Edminzodo
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What are 'cliffnotes'?

Posted from TSR Mobile
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Anonymous #1
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UPDATE: This guy has now started inviting my flatmate and my other friends on activities while excluding me! In one case...inviting them on an activity I had suggested we all participate in. Unreal.

I wish I could speak to him about it but know that because he's so rude it would likely resolve nothing. I am so mad and dumbfounded about the level of ignorance involved.
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llys
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You need to cut your losses. But for what it's worth, I don't get it at all. It almost sounds like he's trying to punish you. I mean this is ridiculous. In a large group of people it is not necessary to exclude any one person because you can easily avoid interacting with them. So even if you don't like someone that much you don't treat them like that unless you really uncomfortable around them or really hate them. I don't see anything in this story for why he should be either, unless he is very religious? That could explain it, I suppose.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by llys)
You need to cut your losses. But for what it's worth, I don't get it at all. It almost sounds like he's trying to punish you. I mean this is ridiculous. In a large group of people it is not necessary to exclude any one person because you can easily avoid interacting with them. So even if you don't like someone that much you don't treat them like that unless you really uncomfortable around them or really hate them. I don't see anything in this story for why he should be either, unless he is very religious? That could explain it, I suppose.
Soo interesting that you would mention this. I asked him this exact question the morning after because of something he said the night before. I know that might sound strange...but the only other person this had happened with was an ex boyfriend who had been brought up in a very religious school.

But yeah I remember the exact conversation with this guy. Me: Can I ask you something? Him: Sure... Me: Did you go to a very religious school? And he said yes, but that he had shaken off that particular religion a few years back . He clearly feels guilty but if he is actually punishing me...I don't even know what to say...the last time we saw each other he hugged me goodbye and said he hoped to see me soon. :eek:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by llys)
You need to cut your losses. But for what it's worth, I don't get it at all. It almost sounds like he's trying to punish you. I mean this is ridiculous. In a large group of people it is not necessary to exclude any one person because you can easily avoid interacting with them. So even if you don't like someone that much you don't treat them like that unless you really uncomfortable around them or really hate them. I don't see anything in this story for why he should be either, unless he is very religious? That could explain it, I suppose.
Finally I just remembered that he told me he was not sexually attracted to his last long term girlfriend. Madonna/whore complex maybe? I could be wrong of course.
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