Your position on 'friends' and Facebook? Watch

charmander12
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Hi there,

I have Facebook - be it people on my course or housemates, they have always added me and I naturally accept. However, I kind of have this weird view on Facebook as in I've never sent a friend request, I see it as if people want to add me they can. For example, 4 people have added me on my course, however the other night there was a social and I was talking to two other people, and I didn't think to go straight home and log into Facebook and add them up straight away, even though we had a good conversation. Also, they haven't added me. But, I also wonder to myself why? To be honest, I know 9 times out of 10 if I send them a friend request they would accept, and the world would see that I am up by a few friends, but should it really matter?

I got thinking about this because of an instance tonight. I live with 3 other girls, 2 of them added me like a month ago when we all moved here. The other girl I have spoken to just as much as the others (busy times so we don't all see each other every day). One of the girls sent a message to us 3 on Facebook regarding something, and I noticed one of the girls (the one who hasn't added me) recently became friends with the other two. I know most people in this day and age would just go onto someone's profile after merely saying hello to someone and instantly send a friend request, but I can't seem to do that, not even with people I have had interesting conversations with?

I may sound grumpy, and I'm not relating how much I like someone being indicative of whether they get a friend request from me. I'm laid back and easy going, people can add me. For instance, I can get on really well with people but not add them. Maybe it's a sub conscious thing, maybe the possibility of rejection or affirmation that certain individuals want to be my friend, I don't know, but what do you guys think? Is it even important? I know in the grander scheme of things Facebook isn't important, but I always question these things.

Thanks.
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stargirl63
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Maybe those people who did not add you, are also thinking they don't want to immediately log on to add you. Look, if you want to have someone as a friend on facebook, then add them. The fact that you sit and wait for someone to add you and question their motives why they haven't is rather hypocritical.
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mikeyd85
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I generally wouldn't add someone on Facebook unless I fancied them and had no other way of contacting them. I'm not arsed really if I'm friends with someone on FB or not.
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legobridge
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I agree with stargirl...If you aren't someone to add people and wait for them then they could just be the same. You see their lack of effort to add you as a negative but don't put any effort in to add someone else aha.

Do you feel like them adding you means that they want to be friends more than if you added them first? Is it a self esteem thing? Personally I don't rush to add people straight away either and if im not that fussed about adding them I wont nor will I expect them to add me.

To be fair, FB doesn't mean a great deal. How many 'friends' do you have that you never bother to speak to? and how many do you have that you speak to but never through fb? Does it make the slightest difference?
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Tom_Anks
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I don't use Facebook so I find this dilemma a strange one. I find it odd that people would have a list of their 'friends', when for most people it's just 'people I have met'.

Facebook seems like a huge popularity contest. I can see why you're worried when people add you/don't add you, but I think the best advice would be to not care about what other people think! It makes things a bit easier.
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tinieTITAN
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I tend to add people if I figure it could be useful to me , like I add people on my course because if I forget the homework I can just ask them on FB. I also add people I'd just genuinely want to talk to, that way I can talk to them on FB or arrange to meet up. I guess at the end of the day FB is just a tool so if adding them would be useful to you, or her, just do it. If it's not that's probably why she hasn't added you yet, or she just forgot.

I appreciate not wanting to add everyone you meet though, you end up having about 500 Facebook friends and about 5 friends on Facebook...
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517340
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(Original post by Tom_Anks)
I don't use Facebook so I find this dilemma a strange one. I find it odd that people would have a list of their 'friends', when for most people it's just 'people I have met'.

Facebook seems like a huge popularity contest. I can see why you're worried when people add you/don't add you, but I think the best advice would be to not care about what other people think! It makes things a bit easier.
The reason it's called 'friends' as opposed to 'contacts' or anything else is because it's intended as a social network to keep up to date with people who actually are friends.

I used to be cynical about it being called friends because a lot of people I didn't really know I had on there. But then I asked myself, why do I have these people linked to my personal information? So I got rid.

More people are using it to keep contact with classmates or colleagues so it's faster to discuss things like group work or set up events, we're using facebook for more than just friendly social networking.
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the bear
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bear™ does not feel comfortable with social meeja. every day there is some new tragedy arising from their use.
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517340
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Why didn't they add you? Maybe they forgot your name? I know I can forget a name 3 seconds after being told it, it happens to a lot of people, it's even more difficult if your name is fairly generic (by which I mean, loads of results when you search it).

Maybe the other girl feels the same way about adding people? Or it may not cross her mind while on facebook to add more people? I doubt it's anything personal. I mean I rarely add people either, and I only accept requests if I 1) Have spoken to them before and 2) Remember who they are [[Quick profile & picture scan]], otherwise I just leave it pending, so they can't send another request.

Whether or not people add you or accept your request is really a non-issue. It's their network, everyone has their own rules and reasons for who they accept and do you. But if you've had pleasant conversations with someone and they haven't added you and you'd like to add them to your connections, I'm sure they wouldn't mind
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Tiger Rag
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(Original post by Tom_Anks)
I don't use Facebook so I find this dilemma a strange one. I find it odd that people would have a list of their 'friends', when for most people it's just 'people I have met'.
Or in a lot of cases, "people I've not met; but have spoken to online".

It is possble that some people generally don't add other people. I tend not to do this. I'm not actually "waiting" for anyone to add me. If I do want to be friends with someone, I will add them.
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