She dosent think she's doing anything wrong

My gf and I are at different universities. We both like going out and used to go out to bars weekly back home.

Frequently the next morning after she's gone out in her uni town she says she had a great time, had a guy come chat to her, they end up dancing and she gives him her number then goes home.

Obviously this annoys me as id rather not have my gf dancing with random guys out on the pull and then giving him her number afterwards. But she dosent see anything wrong with it. According to her, as long as theres no kissing, she hasnt 'pulled'.

She has made it clear to me she dosent want to pull any guys, but dosent seem to realise that all these guys are going away thinking they've pulled her and im sure one night she'll meet one of these guys again when she's wasted and they might go alot further.

Am i wrong to be upset that shes out giving her number away to all these guys and dancing with them?

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Reply 1

Er, yeah, why would she give her number to them?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

So she can make new 'friends'.

We're both in 2nd year so its not like she's off at a brand new uni trying to make brand new mates in fresher week. She already has a tonne of friends from last year.

Reply 3

hippieglitter

I dance with guys all the time, and my boyf doesn't often mind cos he knows i like to dance and he won't dance. Though my boyfriend is usually there and likes to watch me having fun as long as i come back to him after. I would never give them my number though, i barely even give them my name and if i do its only my first name. What do they need her number for, they are just dancing. I think giving them her number if she doesn't wanna pull them is leading them on and its not fair on them as well as you.

Reply 4

lolly83

She shouldn't be giving random men her number.
For her own safety, could end up with a stalker :eek:

Reply 5

Talon

The dancing thing I would almost deem acceptable, but never givng out her number to the guys afterwards. It really does give out the wrong impression.

Reply 6

Vampyrcorn

Yeah... don't know why she is giving out her number. I wouldn't be happy either.

Reply 7

Segat1

Dancing - fine! Numbers, no.

You could be sneaky here and ring her, pretending to be a guy she's given her number to, and ask her out on a date. Then she might get the message.

Reply 8

masterofpuppets

Excellent idea, I suggest you do it right now and tell us the result! I'm sure we're all dying to find out!

Reply 9

devilgirl999

no cos if you do that then its blatantly clear that you dont trust her. i agree that its wrong for her to give out her number, but if you trust her then you'll know that she wont go any further. the issue here is trust, so i think you need to have a long think about it.

Reply 10

username47781

As many have said dancing is ok but i would ask her why she feels the need to give her number out to random men.

Reply 11

bunthulhu

Yeeah she shouldn't be doing that. Either she's having her cake and eating it in terms of having a relationship and flaunting the 'single life' a bit at the same time, or she's incredibly naive thinking that these men are after friendship.

Reply 12

Leisure17

Hmm, if she is telling you about it doesn't that indicate that she is not taking these guys seriously, I mean in the prospective boyfriend way?
Or is she rather naive?

Reply 13

dogtanian

Am I the only one who doesn't see anything wrong?

She's having fun and having a bit of dance with people who might be on the pull themselves, yes, but what's to say these numbers she's taking aren't people she just wants to be friends with?

This comment, "So she can make new 'friends'.

We're both in 2nd year so its not like she's off at a brand new uni trying to make brand new mates in fresher week. She already has a tonne of friends from last year.", really bothers me.

So what, is she only allowed to make new friends and contacts in the first couple of weeks of the first year? She will meet new people all the time throughout her uni career, and throughout her life. You seem to have trouble dealing with this right now.

If there was anything suggesting that she's even considering taking any of this further than a dance, a friendly drink, and perhaps new friend/contact, then yes, worry. But from what you've posted, she doesn't seem to be to me.

I will admit that a tiny percentage of the men probably want to be just friends. But I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Reply 14

FrisbeeFan

Personally I never dance with random guys in clubs because I know the vast majority of those who ask me will want to pull (without meaning at all to sound arrogant), and I'm in a relationship. Therefore dancing with them in any way would be flirting and leading them on, and I'd feel bad. I bet if the OP's girlfriend told these guys 'no thanks, I've got a boyfriend', they wouldn't act all innocent as if to say 'sorry, I wasn't trying to come on to you'! That's certainly not the sort of reaction I've ever got. It's obvious these chaps want to pull; why else would they be dancing with a random?

However, I realise some people don't see anything wrong with the situation per se. I suppose then it would depend on what sort of dancing the OP's girlfriend actually means - innocent or up close and personal/dirty dancing? The former would be ok, the latter certainly not!

Edit: Naturally I don't think there's anything wrong with her trying to make new friends, it's just the way she's doing it which could be seen as dodgy.

Reply 15

icy_shadow2006

Im not sure but if i dont think i would be able to date someone like that.

Reply 16

dogtanian

I don't totally approve of her methods either, but she's not done anything wrong, with the exception of leading on men who think they might get lucky that night. But I just don't like how blokey seems to be justifing his jealousy by saying she's got enough friends already. That's very dodgy in my mind, and perhaps shows that he's reading into it far too much.

She's being flirty. That's certainly not good for the men who think they're gettin' some, but if she's staying faithful to her bloke, having a good time in town, and perhaps making a few more contacts to develop as friends, then there's nothing wrong done to him in my mind.

Hey, she's telling the guy. It can't be that dodgy if she's being open about it!

'Dancing' is usually pretty innocent in my mind. It can be dodgy, yeah, but it probably isn't.

Reply 17

pumpkin7

if i went near another boy, my boyfriend would chop my hands off.. gah. controlling git.

Reply 18

LadyEnglish

If they're going to be friends with her, fine, that's a necessity of campus life. However she clearly doesn't seem like the most faithful gf and doesn't seem too concerned about jepordising your relationship in any way. If I were you I'd stick with it for a couple of months, if it's still getting you down, break it off. There are plenty of girls at Uni to get your teeth stuck in to xxx

Reply 19

music<3

hmm i agree with whoever said that being sneaky and pretending to be one of the guys is a bad idea as it is all to do with trust, and if you trust her or want to show her u trust her then doing that is not a good idea. itll likely just anger her and push her away. but...... in your (original poster) defence, I agree that it is a little too far. if she knows it gets to you and annoys you a little, she could at least make an effort and maybe just dance and not give out her number etc.. there needs to be comprimise on both sides and a long discussion I think!! xx