my nan says 'you look like you've put weight on' as praise, it annoys me Watch

Smash Bandicoot
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My whole family on that side are slightly to noticeably overweight and she gets concerned or disappointed when we talk about exercise, I say I am full etc. This may be my former ED talking but I do my best not to put on weight excessively-I indulge occasionally but when I aim specifically to 'gain weight' it's to get in shape with muscle. She does the same to my dad. What can I do about this? She makes me feel self conscious about my weight :/
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Jangrafess
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Does she know you don't like it when she tells you that? If you haven't already told her, that's probably the next step. Let her know that if she thinks you look good, she can tell you that in other ways. Then she still gets to compliment you and you don't have to feel bad. If you don't want her telling you you look good at all, you can probably tell her that too. If this isn't the sort of conversation you're comfortable having with your nan, is there someone else who could? Your dad maybe?
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Smash Bandicoot
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(Original post by Jangrafess)
Does she know you don't like it when she tells you that? She doesn't but if I told her she would probably start thinking of me as anorexic and worry a lot If you haven't already told her, that's probably the next step. Let her know that if she thinks you look good, she can tell you that in other ways. Then she still gets to compliment you and you don't have to feel bad. Hmm OK, just a really unusual compliment I guess? If you don't want her telling you you look good at all, you can probably tell her that too. may be extreme If this isn't the sort of conversation you're comfortable having with your nan, is there someone else who could? Your dad maybe? Dad dealt with the same issues; granted he lost a lot of weight when depressed after my parents divorced. She says the same to him :P
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Jangrafess
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(Original post by Smash Bandicoot)

She doesn't but if I told her she would probably start thinking of me as anorexic and worry a lot.

Hmm OK, just a really unusual compliment I guess?

may be extreme

Dad dealt with the same issues; granted he lost a lot of weight when depressed after my parents divorced. She says the same to him :P
I'm just going to reply all in one go because I start to get confused when I pick posts apart bit by bit, I hope that's okay. I can totally understand not wanting to worry her but there's problem some sort of approach that will tackle your not wanting to worry her along with you not having to feel uncomfortable every time she makes these sorts of comments. I might be wrong in thinking they're unusual compliments, but sometimes people can be funny and think they're helping by saying things when actually they're not. If she had it in her head that you were conscious of being underweight/anorexic/suffering from an ED in the past, she might think that mentioning these things is helping. As it happens, it's not, and when people get funny ideas about how to help, sometimes asking them not to comment at all means you'll end up in a situation where you don't have to deal with comments that upset you, even if it means there isn't much positive reinforcement instead. If you and your Dad are in a similar situation, perhaps talking about it with him will benefit both of you? Then you could bring it up with her together. I think a lot of this probably boils down to how ready you feel to have a difficult conversation with your gran. Grans can be hard people to have serious conversations with, because they think their approach is the right one. Not always though! And I'm sure she's lovely outside of these comments. Good luck whatever you decide to do about it and if you decide you aren't ready to do anything just yet, I hope you manage to cope with the comments a little better. You definitely shouldn't have to deal with this - it's not on you, it's on her, but your intervention will speed things up when you feel up to it.
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