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Would you date a transgender person? Poll

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Original post by young_guns
No way. I'm a gay guy, which means I like guys. I have no interest in a guy who is dressing up as a girl, or a girl who is being a guy.

This is not offensive to trans people, it's a personal preference


Surely saying someone is merely 'dressing up' as a girl when it's something much more deeply felt than that surely could be construed as offensive?
Original post by emilyb96
Personally, I would say yes and probably.



Because, clearly, if you aren't homosexual, you aren't likely to want to date someone of the same gender as yourself. Therefore the reason you don't want to date them is not their sexuality, but your attraction to them. Which isn't homophobia.

However, if you find a transperson attractive, then decide not to date them because they are trans then, from my perspective, that is transphobia; you do not want to date someone because of their sexuality, rather than your attraction to them.


But why is attraction to a man and attraction to a transgender treated differently in your logic? I'm heterosexual therefore I am attracted to women. A few bouts of hormone treatment, a wig and a wiz-kid with a scalpel doesn't make you a woman.
Reply 62
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emilyb96
Original post by young_guns
No way. I'm a gay guy, which means I like guys. I have no interest in a guy who is dressing up as a girl, or a girl who is being a guy.

This is not offensive to trans people, it's a personal preference


Surely what you are describing is a transvestite, rather than a transperson (who has undergone sex corrective surgery)? Would you refuse to date a man who you found attractive, because they had once been a woman?
Original post by holocene
It doesn't work because homosexuality and heterosexuality are sexualities and identities. Not wanting to date trans people is not a sexuality.

Additionally, gender, while not essential, is a big divider in our society, and defines and shapes our identities quite distinctively. Whether you're trans or not does not do this.

Your gender/s are huge parts of your identity, and shape how you move along in the world. Being trans is not necessarily part of someone's identity - it's a part of your medical history.

I might as well say "I would never date a black person, even if they didn't look black, even if I was attracted to them on first sight and then found out they had black heritage, but that's not racist, because gay guys only date men".



Of course it is. Your preference for the sex and gender identity that you are attracted to = your sexuality.

You seem to be confused as to why someone might not want to date a transsexual. It is not because they are phobic of trans people, it is because that person does not happen to be the particular combination of biological and anatomical characteristics that they find attractive.

Hence it is entirely analogous with sexuality.
Original post by emilyb96
Surely what you are describing is a transvestite, rather than a transperson (who has undergone sex corrective surgery)? Would you refuse to date a man who you found attractive, because they had once been a woman?



Scientific ignorance I am afraid. You cannot change sex, you can only change gender.

There is no such thing as "a man who had once been a woman", there is only "a woman who identifies as a man and has undergone surgery to replicate her gender identity".
Reply 65
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emilyb96
Original post by Jebedee
But why is attraction to a man and attraction to a transgender treated differently in your logic? I'm heterosexual therefore I am attracted to women. A few bouts of hormone treatment, a wig and a wiz-kid with a scalpel doesn't make you a woman.


You may not be attracted to all transpeople (in fact it would be odd if you were), but that doesn't mean that you wouldn't be attracted to any... Have you ever met a transperson? How do you know you wouldn't find them attractive? If you found them attractive and clicked, and then discovered that they had been born a man, would you leave?
Original post by superwolf
Surely saying someone is merely 'dressing up' as a girl when it's something much more deeply felt than that surely could be construed as offensive?


Let them construe it as such. It's not intended that way but they are welcome to throw a strop if they choose
Original post by emilyb96
You may not be attracted to all transpeople (in fact it would be odd if you were), but that doesn't mean that you wouldn't be attracted to any... Have you ever met a transperson? How do you know you wouldn't find them attractive? If you found them attractive and clicked, and then discovered that they had been born a man, would you leave?


Met a fair few in my time, none of which I would particular consider "convincing". Depends how I "discovered" this though. Did they hide it from me and then spring it on me by surprise or were they pretty up-front about it?
Original post by young_guns
Let them construe it as such. It's not intended that way but they are welcome to throw a strop if they choose


Just seems pretty dismissive to me. :dontknow:
Original post by superwolf
Just seems pretty dismissive to me. :dontknow:


It feels to me like you're trying to pick a fight where there is none
I have and I would again. And I say yes, it is transphobic to refused to date someone because of it.


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Reply 71
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emilyb96
Original post by cole-slaw
Scientific ignorance I am afraid. You cannot change sex, you can only change gender.

There is no such thing as "a man who had once been a woman", there is only "a woman who identifies as a man and has undergone surgery to replicate her gender identity".


Actually, I'm fairly sure the operation (well one of, as different transpeople go to different lengths to achieve a physical correspondence with their gender) is known as "Sex reassignment surgery".

But please do explain further, as I do not know the scientific explanations particularly well and would like to learn. (Just in case it comes across that way, that isn't sarcasm, I'm genuinely interested.)
Reply 72
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emilyb96
Original post by Jebedee
Met a fair few in my time, none of which I would particular consider "convincing". Depends how I "discovered" this though. Did they hide it from me and then spring it on me by surprise or were they pretty up-front about it?


Let's assume they are fairly upfront about it.
Original post by young_guns
It feels to me like you're trying to pick a fight where there is none


You said your comments weren't offensive, I think they are (mildly so). If you wish to ignore my opinion then you're welcome to do so. :smile:
Original post by cole-slaw
Of course it is. Your preference for the sex and gender identity that you are attracted to = your sexuality.

You seem to be confused as to why someone might not want to date a transsexual. It is not because they are phobic of trans people, it is because that person does not happen to be the particular combination of biological and anatomical characteristics that they find attractive.

Hence it is entirely analogous with sexuality.


A fully transitioned trans woman has the sex and gender identity of a woman. She has the biological and anatomical characteristics of a woman. So she is a woman. Sexuality isn't based on what you 'know' about someone, it's based on whether you're attracted to someone.

I might as well say "yes, I see men on the street and am attracted to them and my gut instinct says I want to sleep with them, but then I realise that they are men and I am a lesbian".

Or, for example, a man dates a trans woman without knowing she's trans, and then they start a sexual relationship, and they've now been going out for two years or something. He finds out she's trans, and says "I can't be with you anymore because I'm not attracted to trans women". Except he obviously is, because he's been attracted to her and sleeping with her for two years.

These aren't issues of sexuality or of who one is attracted to - you can't help who you're attracted to - it's the choices people make about dating.
Original post by emilyb96
Let's assume they are fairly upfront about it.


If the person was 100% convincing and drop-dead gorgeous and didn't be offended when I want to take things extremely slow, I may consider it.
Original post by superwolf
You said your comments weren't offensive, I think they are (mildly so). If you wish to ignore my opinion then you're welcome to do so. :smile:


Your opinion has been duly ignored. I don't think it's particularly helpful to go around policing "minor offense" anywhere you can find it and trying to berate someone for it.
Original post by Jebedee
If the person was 100% convincing and drop-dead gorgeous and didn't be offended when I want to take things extremely slow, I may consider it.


I might go for it if I were straight, but a women who has had the surgery to resemble a man would never have fully working parts, and they also can't change some of the dead giveaways (facial structure, hands, hips)

For me, I'll just stick to guys who are naturally that sex/gender
Reply 78
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emilyb96
Original post by Jebedee
If the person was 100% convincing and drop-dead gorgeous and didn't be offended when I want to take things extremely slow, I may consider it.


So therefore your answer to the original question should be yes? :wink:
Original post by emilyb96
Actually, I'm fairly sure the operation (well one of, as different transpeople go to different lengths to achieve a physical correspondence with their gender) is known as "Sex reassignment surgery".

But please do explain further, as I do not know the scientific explanations particularly well and would like to learn. (Just in case it comes across that way, that isn't sarcasm, I'm genuinely interested.)


Sex is biological, gender is psychological/social.

Sex is determined in 99% of cases by your chromosomes - you are either XX or XY. This never changes. (There are some exceptions of rare combinations such as Klinefelters syndrome, but these don't correspond to incidents of transgenderism or correlate in any way. They are entirely unrelated).

Gender is determined by which particular social identity the person identifies with.


For the majority of people they accept the biological sex they are, and they embrace their gender role to a greater or lesser extent.

However a small number of people find themselves identifying with the other gender role. These are transgendered people.

In extreme cases, this proves very distressing for them psychologically, and in some cases this distress can be mitigated to some extent via sex realignment surgery.

However, this does not alter their fundamental underlying biological sex, and they will never be able to reproduce successfully as a person of their preferred gender.

The easiest way to accurate describe trans people is using the abbreviation SMGF or SFGM (sex male gender female). Some people also choose to identify with no particular gender, they would be SMGN (neutral).

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