Why is my Ex-GF acting mean to me? Watch

Anonymous #1
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My Ex-GF dumped me for 1.5 months now, and we dated for 2.5 years. She told me that she was over it and have no feelings for me anymore. She asked to be friends and I agreed. At the start I went for around 2 weeks of LC with her, we saw each other because we study the same course at the same university, but we didn't speak to each other. After that 2 weeks, I asked her if it was too awkward to be friends and she said no.

I started seeing her more again as we shared the same group of friends. I acted like everything was fine and we are still friends. We still talked normally in group conversations, even though I've realized that she rarely initiates contact with me and feels kind of cold. She still laughs at my jokes with the group though. I initiated contact once on FB when she lost her wallet, we chit chatted for a bit and ended the conversation. Everything seemed fine. However, in this last two weeks I feel like shes suddenly acting really mean towards me. Some examples would be how she would state what she likes in guys (basically everything opposite of me) in our online group conversations. When I tell something I think is interesting to the group, she is like "Funny~" sarcastically. For as long as I've known her, she doesn't do that to the people she hates, she just ignores them. So I don't know why she suddenly changed to this.

Is it because she hates me? Is it a sign that she is telling me to piss off? It is really bothering me because I don't know what is going on. I talked to one of our mutual friends and she thinks I'm not acting clingy towards her, and I speak to her just like a normal friend. In fact, she feels like I'm closer to her than my Ex. To be honest I kinda still like her which is why it is bothering me. And also I don't want to start an argument and make things awkward for our group of friends, so I just pretend nothing happened/laugh over it when shots are being fired at me. I am not being a wuss and taking crap from her, I'm just trying to be the more mature person here and want to keep the friendship group together rather than stir some argument. (Funny thing is she broke up with me because she said I'm too "immature" xD)

How can I get her to warm up to me again? Or at least treat me as equals among our friends.
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Anonymous #1
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Everything she has said to me so far suggests that she has completely moved on. If she has moved on, I don't get why she is acting so mean towards me if I haven't done anything to her.
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WeedCanKill
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Good luck trying to understand women, many a brave man hath fallen to this challenge
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Kaiju
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> Why is my Ex-GF acting mean to me?
> my Ex-GF acting mean
> Ex-GF
> Ex

there u go sir
enjoy your newfound knowledge
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Anonymous #1
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Well I still like her, I've come to acknowledgment that i will not get her back in the short term already and I was fine until she started acting mean out of nowhere.
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Sempiternitas
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Sorry to hear that you're in such a difficult situation. I highly doubt she has just moved on - she wouldn't have bothered being mean to you otherwise. But anyhow it is very immature. She's probably trying to provoke a response from you to get some satisfaction. It may be that she secretly regrets having broken up with you and is now dismayed to see that you are dealing so well with being a normal friend to her, so she is lashing back in retaliation. (This is a gradual process as you said she didn't use to be so hostile.)

I don't think there's much you can do. You can just wait it out and eventually she'll tire of her antics. Or you can be honest with her and ask why she is now acting mean to you, but do it in a level-headed manner. Don't be confrontational or she would become more defensive.

You have to ask yourself: do you wish to win back her affection or simply to avoid any awkwardness in your friendship group?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sempiternitas)
Sorry to hear that you're in such a difficult situation. I highly doubt she has just moved on - she wouldn't have bothered being mean to you otherwise. But anyhow it is very immature. She's probably trying to provoke a response from you to get some satisfaction. It may be that she secretly regrets having broken up with you and is now dismayed to see that you are dealing so well with being a normal friend to her, so she is lashing back in retaliation. (This is a gradual process as you said she didn't use to be so hostile.)

I don't think there's much you can do. You can just wait it out and eventually she'll tire of her antics. Or you can be honest with her and ask why she is now acting mean to you, but do it in a level-headed manner. Don't be confrontational or she would become more defensive.

You have to ask yourself: do you wish to win back her affection or simply to avoid any awkwardness in your friendship group?
Well one of my friend told me that maybe she is trying to tell me to back off and there is no chance with her, I don't really know. I'm so confused.

Do you reckon I should go on No Contact with her again and pull away from her? Or should I just put up with her nonsense with a smile?

I want to win her back of course, but I don't feel like I can do that in the short term since we both didn't have enough time to calm down.
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Sempiternitas
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well one of my friend told me that maybe she is trying to tell me to back off and there is no chance with her, I don't really know. I'm so confused.

Do you reckon I should go on No Contact with her again and pull away from her? Or should I just put up with her nonsense with a smile?

I want to win her back of course, but I don't feel like I can do that in the short term since we both didn't have enough time to calm down.
It may be that she wants you to back off, but it seems illogical. As you said she was the one who proposed staying friends, and she told you that it wasn't too awkward to be friends with you. If she decided that it was too difficult to be friends wouldn't she have just told you that she needed more space instead of acting all hostile? It doesn't sound like you had a nasty breakup, so it doesn't make sense why she would suddenly become angry at you unless it's out of jealousy.

I agree that it sounds like you need some time apart from each other. I don't know how feasible it is for you to cut contact all together since you share some close friends, but there is no need to go chasing after her when she's throwing a hissy fit. I think nonchalance is the attitude to keep.
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pickup
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I think you misunderstood her reply why you asked her if it was 'too awkward to be friends'. Of course she is going to say no but she was just being polite.

I guess because you still want to be with her you are very sensitive and analytical in your dealings with her. But, she broke it off. She was no doubt truthful when she gave a description of men she likes being unlike you. Brutal I know but nevertheless true.

She is probably aware of the fact you want to be with her and is trying to convey the truth that she's not interested. If you keep pressing her ( as she sees it) she will become more and more 'nasty' (as you see it) because she's trying to tell you to back off.

By far the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from her - literally. You are just torturing yourself by keeping in her circle. I know you think this is the way to keep in contact and give you a chance to make up but this is not how things work.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sempiternitas)
It may be that she wants you to back off, but it seems illogical. As you said she was the one who proposed staying friends, and she told you that it wasn't too awkward to be friends with you.
Well when I asked her that time she said that she didn't want to act too close to me since she didn't want me to get the wrong idea. So I stuck along with it and just acted friendly, threw around some jokes She was overall pretty cold/emotionless, but then out of nowhere acted slightly hostile towards me. I really don't get women sometimes. I guess I will just retreat for 2 weeks and see how things go with her.

(Original post by pickup)
I think you misunderstood her reply why you asked her if it was 'too awkward to be friends'. Of course she is going to say no but she was just being polite.

I guess because you still want to be with her you are very sensitive and analytical in your dealings with her. But, she broke it off. She was no doubt truthful when she gave a description of men she likes being unlike you. Brutal I know but nevertheless true.

She is probably aware of the fact you want to be with her and is trying to convey the truth that she's not interested. If you keep pressing her ( as she sees it) she will become more and more 'nasty' (as you see it) because she's trying to tell you to back off.

By far the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from her - literally. You are just torturing yourself by keeping in her circle. I know you think this is the way to keep in contact and give you a chance to make up but this is not how things work.
Well what is there to back off with? I mean, I've asked my friends and they all told me that they don't feel like I'm acting clingy/too close with my ex, and that they feel like I'm only treating her as a friend. I've been acting like that for the past 3 weeks now, she acted overall cold towards me but I understand that. Its just that she suddenly got hostile towards me last week. Nothing special happened, so I don't get her sudden change.
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Maudee4567
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I think the staying friends thing is probably because you have friends in common, I had to do that in the past

However I've acted kind of like her with an ex I must admit, I kinda started to hate him more and more as I got over the relationship and just wasn't interested in being friends with him (tbh it was a very badly emotionally abusive relationship) but I had to because of the mutual friends thing

Also I did the same to tell him to back off a bit too, maybe the other friends don't think you're clingy but she might see something as making a move even though no one sees it as this. As she broke up with you, sh probably suspects that you still like her and is giving you a signal that it's just not gonna happen
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Maudee4567)
I think the staying friends thing is probably because you have friends in common, I had to do that in the past

However I've acted kind of like her with an ex I must admit, I kinda started to hate him more and more as I got over the relationship and just wasn't interested in being friends with him (tbh it was a very badly emotionally abusive relationship) but I had to because of the mutual friends thing

Also I did the same to tell him to back off a bit too, maybe the other friends don't think you're clingy but she might see something as making a move even though no one sees it as this. As she broke up with you, sh probably suspects that you still like her and is giving you a signal that it's just not gonna happen
Well why did you hate him? Was it because he was getting too close to you? Or is it just because he was an ex, and somehow love just turns into hatred. We didn't have an bad breakup. We broke up because I kept repeating the same mistakes and in the end she said that she is too disappointed in me that she lost all her feelings for me.

I've heard people tell me that maybe she still has feelings for me and hatred was her way of stopping these feelings to protect herself. I've also heard that she just doesn't want to be friends with me and want me out of her life. Those are two completely different things and it is so confusing.
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Rock Fan
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It is really hard to stay friends with an ex, as someone mentioned further up, it suggests she was hoping you would be really upset about it and you are not showing it.
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Maudee4567
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well why did you hate him? Was it because he was getting too close to you? Or is it just because he was an ex, and somehow love just turns into hatred. We didn't have an bad breakup. We broke up because I kept repeating the same mistakes and in the end she said that she is too disappointed in me that she lost all her feelings for me.

I've heard people tell me that maybe she still has feelings for me and hatred was her way of stopping these feelings to protect herself. I've also heard that she just doesn't want to be friends with me and want me out of her life. Those are two completely different things and it is so confusing.
Well i got out of the relationship for a reason, so love did kinda turn into hatred. The breakup itself wasn't bad but then I just couldn't help regretting being with him (because of his overly jealousness I lost friends, missed out on a lot of things etc.)
Afterwards he made it clear he was still interested in me so it just pissed me off even more as I was trying to get ove rhim and had made it clear I wasn't going to get with him again even though "he had changed"

Just take it from me, it's not because she broke up with you that she lost all her feelings. She still has feelings (Even if she says she doesn't, they don't just go away with a click of the fingers!), but she just doesn't want to be with you and even if she says she doesn't have them anymore it takes more than a month to get over a 2.5 year relationship. I think she's probably trying to distance herself so she can get rid of the remaining feelings and completely get over you, which is not easy especially when she still has to see you and talk to you.

I'd say it's just part of the break up process of getting over someone
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gt459
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well I still like her, I've come to acknowledgment that i will not get her back in the short term already and I was fine until she started acting mean out of nowhere.
Out of nowhere?

You misunderstand the concept of Ex obviously.

There's gotta be some awkward **** there It is like a rule.
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Jacob Boris
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She's probably being mean for a very simple reason and that's purely that she's not over it. Especially if she ended it and then asked YOU to be friends again. It would seem that she dumped you and didn't think she'd be affected too much, but then is probably having some regrets and upset, probably with a hint of guilt and remorse in there too just for good measure, but instead of equivocating any of it, they are manifesting themselves as cruelty and nastiness towards you, as you are probably why she feels the aforementioned feelings, thus the target of her meanness.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Maudee4567)
Well i got out of the relationship for a reason, so love did kinda turn into hatred. The breakup itself wasn't bad but then I just couldn't help regretting being with him (because of his overly jealousness I lost friends, missed out on a lot of things etc.)
Afterwards he made it clear he was still interested in me so it just pissed me off even more as I was trying to get ove rhim and had made it clear I wasn't going to get with him again even though "he had changed"

Just take it from me, it's not because she broke up with you that she lost all her feelings. She still has feelings (Even if she says she doesn't, they don't just go away with a click of the fingers!), but she just doesn't want to be with you and even if she says she doesn't have them anymore it takes more than a month to get over a 2.5 year relationship. I think she's probably trying to distance herself so she can get rid of the remaining feelings and completely get over you, which is not easy especially when she still has to see you and talk to you.

I'd say it's just part of the break up process of getting over someone
Well during the break up I asked her if I would have a chance in the future again if I changed, and she said "well it is the future, I don't know what is going to happen." So I guess she didn't rule out any distant future opportunities. On the day when she broke up with me, we just ended up saying "I've learnt a lot from you and this relationship" with each other and hugged it out.

I've actually improved quite a lot during this 1.5 months. So I'm wondering if I want to get her back, which is the best way to do it? Should I distance myself a lot more and reappear when I feel like I've improved myself enough? Or should I remain friends with her and let her see that I'm gradually changing?
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Rakas21
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well during the break up I asked her if I would have a chance in the future again if I changed, and she said "well it is the future, I don't know what is going to happen." So I guess she didn't rule out any distant future opportunities. On the day when she broke up with me, we just ended up saying "I've learnt a lot from you and this relationship" with each other and hugged it out.

I've actually improved quite a lot during this 1.5 months. So I'm wondering if I want to get her back, which is the best way to do it? Should I distance myself a lot more and reappear when I feel like I've improved myself enough? Or should I remain friends with her and let her see that I'm gradually changing?
OP, stop. Stop, right now!

After a full 2 and a half years of you, this girl made a decision to break up with you telling you that she did not love you. This was not a short relationship where the spark burnt out and there was nothing left, this was a relationship where she had ample time to assess where this was going and chose not to carry on. She does not want you back and you need to move on.

Additionally, she's probably not being mean describing other guys, most women don't know what they truly want in the short term.

Personally it sounds to me as if your break up was too clean. There may be simmering emotion beneath the surface that she was hiding when you had your nice break up.

Like many of the weirdly uncommunicative people on TSR, you need to be direct and ask her exactly why she's acting sarky to you (but don't mention the guy description thing).Tell her that whatever is pissing her off, she needs to tell you.
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Maudee4567
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well during the break up I asked her if I would have a chance in the future again if I changed, and she said "well it is the future, I don't know what is going to happen." So I guess she didn't rule out any distant future opportunities. On the day when she broke up with me, we just ended up saying "I've learnt a lot from you and this relationship" with each other and hugged it out.

I've actually improved quite a lot during this 1.5 months. So I'm wondering if I want to get her back, which is the best way to do it? Should I distance myself a lot more and reappear when I feel like I've improved myself enough? Or should I remain friends with her and let her see that I'm gradually changing?

Well yes she probably said that not to be too harsh, to leave it open ended. Breaking up is hard, she was probably trying to be nice and all. I hugged it out with my ex too, saying how suuuuure we could stay close friends and all but it was more cause he looked on the verge of tears so I had to be nice, and ya know, I still cared about him.

But as Rakas21 say just don't think of getting back with her.. I'm sorry but even if you think you've changed, there's a reason this didn't work out and I think the more you'll try and get back with her, the more she'll try and get away from you
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pickup
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'We didn't have an bad breakup. We broke up because I kept repeating the same mistakes and in the end she said that she is too disappointed in me that she lost all her feelings for me.'

OK so she's been telling you for a while that she doesn't like the way you act and you've not been taking her seriously until she's decided you're never going to change and broke it off. I think she's right. The only way forward for you with her or anybody else, is to examine what you kept doing wrong and learn from it ie change.

I don't think this is going to be easy for you because you're still not accepting what she has done and said but are still pretending you don't understand her viewpoint. I guess that this is the real problem. You are not sensitive enough to her needs and are not really ready for a relationship ie putting someone else's wishes ahead of your own.

You don't think you had a bad breakup. Well she may have a completely different take on this if she has been struggling with the situation for some time and not getting through to you.
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