Things you wish you knew before having sex for the first time? Watch

Anonymous #1
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So I want to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It will be the first time either of us have had sex so I'm both nervous and extremely excited. We've done stuff before including oral but never penetrative sex. I know a fair bit from guides about what I'm supposed to be doing on the night but aside from that I don't really have a clue. The one thing worrying me more than anything is that he is 7 inches and also has a lot of girth...and I'm scared I just won't be able to continue.

So my question is as it says on the tin: what do you wish someone had told you before you had sex for the first time? Not just negative things of course! Positive things that made you feel great would be useful to know as well.

And one last thing -- should I wait until I can first go to the doctor and get on the pill? Or could I just use the morning after pill -- just this once -- and then get on the pill after that?

Thank you, and please be nice. This is a really special time for me.
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fleur_de_haine
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(Original post by Anonymous)

**snip**

So my question is as it says on the tin: what do you wish someone had told you before you had sex for the first time? Not just negative things of course! Positive things that made feel great would be useful to know as well

And one last thing -- sho you uld I wait until I can first go to the doctor and get on the pill? Or could I just use the morning after pill -- just this once -- and then get on the pill after that?

Thank you, and please be nice. This is a really special time for me.
Hi there,

In terms of more generic advice just make sure that you go slowly, and that you're both comfortable and ready. This will help especially with your concerns about his size; communication is key to pleasurable sex so talk to each other. Other than that, have fun, explore and find what works for both of you.

I'm unsure if you're intending to use condoms, as you have only mentioned your options in terms of pills. I would caution you that though the various pills are effective in reducing the risk of pregnancy, they do not protect you from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) whilst condoms offer some protection against both STIs and pregnancy. If you're not keen on condoms I would suggest you both go for a sexual health checkup before having sex without a condom. You can use the MAP if you wish, just be wary that there can sometimes be delays in starting the regular pill depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. There are also other methods on contraception available such as the implant, coil, or indeed injection.

Hope that helps, and have fun!

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455409
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How hard it would be to stay erect.

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by fleur_de_haine)
Hi there,

In terms of more generic advice just make sure that you go slowly, and that you're both comfortable and ready. This will help especially with your concerns about his size; communication is key to pleasurable sex so talk to each other. Other than that, have fun, explore and find what works for both of you.

I'm unsure if you're intending to use condoms, as you have only mentioned your options in terms of pills. I would caution you that though the various pills are effective in reducing the risk of pregnancy, they do not protect you from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) whilst condoms offer some protection against both STIs and pregnancy. If you're not keen on condoms I would suggest you both go for a sexual health checkup before having sex without a condom. You can use the MAP if you wish, just be wary that there can sometimes be delays in starting the regular pill depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. There are also other methods on contraception available such as the implant, coil, or indeed injection.

Hope that helps, and have fun!

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Hey. Thank you so much for this reply, it was really useful. I know that neither of us are keen on condoms at all, so we have already been checked up and we're both fine in that regard. Unless someone here convinces me otherwise, I'm going to go ahead and use the MAP just this once...for no reason other than the waiting list at the GP's is really long. And I've been planning to do it this week.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by james1211)
How hard it would be to stay erect.

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Really? Why? I'm not my boyfriend so this isn't particularly relevant to me, but still, is this the norm and if so why? Thank you!
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fleur_de_haine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey. Thank you so much for this reply, it was really useful. I know that neither of us are keen on condoms at all, so we have already been checked up and we're both fine in that regard. Unless someone here convinces me otherwise, I'm going to go ahead and use the MAP just this once...for no reason other than the waiting list at the GP's is really long. And I've been planning to do it this week.
You're welcome. The MAP should be fine, just be sure not to rely on it in the future.
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455409
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Really? Why? I'm not my boyfriend so this isn't particularly relevant to me, but still, is this the norm and if so why? Thank you!
Nerves.

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Kabloomybuzz
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey. Thank you so much for this reply, it was really useful. I know that neither of us are keen on condoms at all, so we have already been checked up and we're both fine in that regard. Unless someone here convinces me otherwise, I'm going to go ahead and use the MAP just this once...for no reason other than the waiting list at the GP's is really long. And I've been planning to do it this week.
Before you jump straight to the MAP, I suggest you see if there's a sexual health clinic in your area. Most places have them and many offer a walk in service where you can access advice and contraception. It would be much better than using the MAP as its a massive dose of hormones that has its side effects.. If you really can't access the service or really can't bear to use a condom just once, then sure, it's better than nothing, but I advise you to do your research on the side effects of it. Its also worth bearing in mind that there are lots of contraceptive options other than pills so its worth doing your research to work out what's best for you.

The other thing you need to bear in mind is when you do start the pill, you need to either take it on the first day of your period for it to be immediately effective, otherwise take it for 7 days before it is effective, so if the timing isn't right it might not be "just this once" which is when it does potentially become problematic.
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username1060288
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The MAP should be used for emergency situations and not a planned method of contraception. So many other better options so just give it some thought and wait a few more days. Condoms are by far the most popular option as far as I can tell and are often used alongside another method too.


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doodle_333
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don't rush it, far better to get prescribed BC and wait a week and not have the stress of having to go and find a MAP the next day
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kabloomybuzz)
Before you jump straight to the MAP, I suggest you see if there's a sexual health clinic in your area. Most places have them and many offer a walk in service where you can access advice and contraception. It would be much better than using the MAP as its a massive dose of hormones that has its side effects.. If you really can't access the service or really can't bear to use a condom just once, then sure, it's better than nothing, but I advise you to do your research on the side effects of it. Its also worth bearing in mind that there are lots of contraceptive options other than pills so its worth doing your research to work out what's best for you.

The other thing you need to bear in mind is when you do start the pill, you need to either take it on the first day of your period for it to be immediately effective, otherwise take it for 7 days before it is effective, so if the timing isn't right it might not be "just this once" which is when it does potentially become problematic.
(Original post by whisper2012)
The MAP should be used for emergency situations and not a planned method of contraception. So many other better options so just give it some thought and wait a few more days. Condoms are by far the most popular option as far as I can tell and are often used alongside another method too.


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(Original post by doodle_333)
don't rush it, far better to get prescribed BC and wait a week and not have the stress of having to go and find a MAP the next day
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Thanks guys. In that case I'll wait and get on the pill first -- I have an appointment booked with my GP for the 18th of this month, which is in just two weeks. It will be a useful time to go through my options for contraception and pick out whatever's best. I waited until 22 to lose my virginity (my birthday was last weekend, woo!) so I'm capable of waiting another few weeks. Thanks for helping me reconsider my original MAP plan guys, that means a lot.[/COLOR][COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]
[/COLOR]
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Aside from that, is there anything you wish you had known prior to having sex for the first time? Help me out, girls! [/COLOR]
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]
[/COLOR]
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Thanks for all the support. [/COLOR]
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Anonymous #1
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Apologises for all the code in my previous message -- I'm using the browser on my ipad which I think is causing issues.
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Rum Ham
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I wish I knew how stingy it would be for days after it and how much my legs would hurt afterwards.

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Kabloomybuzz
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Some good general advice
Have lube handy
Know your body, know how it works, know how your contraception works, know what you like
Talk to your partner, before, during and after, good communication is very important for good sex

Don't expect your first time, both losing your virginity and first time with another person, to be amazing. Don't expect to orgasm (either of you) if one or both of you does great, if not, don't stress. Your first time (first few really) is about being close to another person, getting to know their bodies and how your bodies work together. Its unlikely to go perfectly, and that's OK.
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Anonymous #2
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I'm a male so I can only see it from the man's perspective.. Tell your boyfriend to go with the flow, don't get awkward or 'not know what to do', just go along with it. I've taken one girls virginity, I've about 6 inches and I had to stop due to her being in pain. The sight of blood was also quite off-putting. I can only go by my experience of taking a woman's 'v plates' and i'd advise your boyfriend to lube up well, make use of foreplay, and to go easy..

Just go with the flow. And appreciate the sex, I lost my virginity to my first true love, who had lost her virginity before me. We stayed together for almost a year, became sexually active 3 months in, and in a way I wish I had sex prior to her for me to realise how good she actually was. I honestly have not had sex like it since and that was 3 years ago, with a lot of women in between.
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unprinted
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What Kabloomybuzz said, as ever.

If you're nervous about what it will be like to have his penis inside you, it will help if you're used to having your vaginal muscles gently stretched (for example, by fingers) and you're in charge of how much goes in how fast. That can mean you being directly in control of the penetration or knowing that he is aware of your reaction.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kabloomybuzz)
Some good general advice
Have lube handy
Know your body, know how it works, know how your contraception works, know what you like
Talk to your partner, before, during and after, good communication is very important for good sex

Don't expect your first time, both losing your virginity and first time with another person, to be amazing. Don't expect to orgasm (either of you) if one or both of you does great, if not, don't stress. Your first time (first few really) is about being close to another person, getting to know their bodies and how your bodies work together. Its unlikely to go perfectly, and that's OK.
Thank you!!!! With regards to orgasming -- I read somewhere that there is apparently no such thing as a vaginal orgasm and that the only way to orgasm is by stimulating the clitoris. That's really, REALLY confusing me because if that's the case, why would a girl ever want sex when she can orgasm through oral or masturbation? Penetrative sex doesn't immediately do anything to stimulate the clitoris, so I'm failing to see the point of the act if e.g. cunnilingus is more pleasurable. Is the concept of a vaginal orgasm really a myth? I'm sorry for asking such trivial questions but I'm genuinely quite confused. How are women supposed to orgasm during sex at all?!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by unprinted)
What Kabloomybuzz said, as ever.

If you're nervous about what it will be like to have his penis inside you, it will help if you're used to having your vaginal muscles gently stretched (for example, by fingers) and you're in charge of how much goes in how fast. That can mean you being directly in control of the penetration or knowing that he is aware of your reaction.
Thank you! In that sense I have never had my vaginal muscles stretched. Ever. Presumably that means it's going to hurt a lot on the night. I'm starting to panic a little because I have a low pain threshold in general. We have very good communication though, which should help. We have been intimate many times before, and he responds well when I signal I'm either enjoying (or not enjoying) something.

Is there anything you would change if you could go back and do it all again? Maybe play music, use a certain lube, want your partner to be wearing something specific (I was thinking of buying nice lingerie from VS?) Maybe being in a certain setting? Anything like that.
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unprinted
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you!!!! With regards to orgasming -- I read somewhere that there is apparently no such thing as a vaginal orgasm and that the only way to orgasm is by stimulating the clitoris. That's really, REALLY confusing me because if that's the case, why would a girl ever want sex when she can orgasm through oral or masturbation? Penetrative sex doesn't immediately do anything to stimulate the clitoris, so I'm failing to see the point of the act if e.g. cunnilingus is more pleasurable. Is the concept of a vaginal orgasm really a myth? I'm sorry for asking such trivial questions but I'm genuinely quite confused. How are women supposed to orgasm during sex at all?!
Different women have learnt to come in different ways, and it is sadly common for people to assume that everyone is the same as them / the women they know. So, no, it's not the only way - at least one friend orgasms via anal sex without anything going near her clitoris - and some women can come via (or while) having something in their vagina.

You may well discover you enjoy some parts of your vagina stimulated more than others. For some, that's the entrance, for some that's the 'front wall', for some... Explore.

As well as the physical pleasure in intercourse, there is also the emotional side - for men as well as women. I still get little shivers of pleasure thinking that one of you is inside the other, and with a part of them that gives them pleasure. If they orgasm, there's the emotional side of what you did to help with that. You won't get everything there is to get out of it at first - it'd be a shame for anyone if they did - but there are good reasons why it's a very popular thing for couples to both want to do.

Some positions make it easier to stimulate your clitoris (via grinding against his pubic bone, or with fingers, or...) than others. But you don't have to orgasm during sex. (And, of course, neither does he!) It's nice if it happens, but there is before and afterwards as well as during. You don't even have to orgasm to enjoy it...

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you! In that sense I have never had my vaginal muscles stretched. Ever. Presumably that means it's going to hurt a lot on the night. I'm starting to panic a little because I have a low pain threshold in general. We have very good communication though, which should help. We have been intimate many times before, and he responds well when I signal I'm either enjoying (or not enjoying) something.

Is there anything you would change if you could go back and do it all again? Maybe play music, use a certain lube, want your partner to be wearing something specific (I was thinking of buying nice lingerie from VS?) Maybe being in a certain setting? Anything like that.
I have no idea what pain there will be, if any, and neither do you. Getting some idea will help with the nerves. If the first thing inside you smaller, like a finger or similar, you can get used to that before trying something larger. As you've said, you've got to 22 and there's no big rush. If you're alone, the bath can be a good place. If you're in a good relationship, anywhere comfortable with privacy is.

I was lucky - I was in a relationship with trust and respect, and we had privacy and comfort and lots of time. I knew that if it didn't go well, it didn't really matter, because there'd be other times. I can't remember what she had on (nothing, I suspect, but I am not someone who cares about lingerie - if it will make you feel better, go for it) or what lube we used, although I can remember the type of condom.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by unprinted)
Different women have learnt to come in different ways, and it is sadly common for people to assume that everyone is the same as them / the women they know. So, no, it's not the only way - at least one friend orgasms via anal sex without anything going near her clitoris - and some women can come via (or while) having something in their vagina.

You may well discover you enjoy some parts of your vagina stimulated more than others. For some, that's the entrance, for some that's the 'front wall', for some... Explore.

As well as the physical pleasure in intercourse, there is also the emotional side - for men as well as women. I still get little shivers of pleasure thinking that one of you is inside the other, and with a part of them that gives them pleasure. If they orgasm, there's the emotional side of what you did to help with that. You won't get everything there is to get out of it at first - it'd be a shame for anyone if they did - but there are good reasons why it's a very popular thing for couples to both want to do.

Some positions make it easier to stimulate your clitoris (via grinding against his pubic bone, or with fingers, or...) than others. But you don't have to orgasm during sex. (And, of course, neither does he!) It's nice if it happens, but there is before and afterwards as well as during. You don't even have to orgasm to enjoy it...



I have no idea what pain there will be, if any, and neither do you. Getting some idea will help with the nerves. If the first thing inside you smaller, like a finger or similar, you can get used to that before trying something larger. As you've said, you've got to 22 and there's no big rush. If you're alone, the bath can be a good place. If you're in a good relationship, anywhere comfortable with privacy is.

I was lucky - I was in a relationship with trust and respect, and we had privacy and comfort and lots of time. I knew that if it didn't go well, it didn't really matter, because there'd be other times. I can't remember what she had on (nothing, I suspect, but I am not someone who cares about lingerie - if it will make you feel better, go for it) or what lube we used, although I can remember the type of condom.
That was extremely well-written. So thank you very much for taking out the time to respond with such detail.

I'm extremely calm about everything now, and not worried about any "expectations" since neither of us are expecting it to be perfect. One question: will I break my hymen if I was to practise getting used to the feeling with a finger? What role does the hymen play in all of this and does it hurt when it breaks?
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