Is a potential partner having a child prior to meeting you a dealbreaker? Watch

Poll: How old are you, what sex are you and is it a dealbreaker?
Female <21(won't go out with a guy with kids) (5)
6.85%
Female 21-25 (won't go out with a guy with kids) (10)
13.7%
Female 25+ (won't go out with a guy with kids) (3)
4.11%
Female < 21(not a dealbreaker) (6)
8.22%
Female 21-25(not a dealbreaker) (8)
10.96%
Female 25+(not a dealbreaker) (3)
4.11%
Male < 21(won't go out with a female with kids) (11)
15.07%
Male 21-25 (won't go out with a female with kids) (17)
23.29%
male 25+ (won't go out with a female with kids) (2)
2.74%
male < 21 (not a dealbreaker) (2)
2.74%
male 21-25 (not a dealbreaker) (4)
5.48%
male 25+ (not a dealbreaker) (2)
2.74%
jam277
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#1
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#1
Following from another thread.

Also mention how old you are. Will do a poll.
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Rum Ham
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#2
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#2
Truthfully, yes. If they want kids in the future that would also be a deal breaker as I don't want them. I am 22.

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llys
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#3
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#3
I voted no, but I actually think it depends on the child. If the child is nice and friendly / not too foulmouthed / bad-mannered / does not have other attributes indicative of bad character or bad parenting, then it is not a deal-breaker. If the child is not someone I would like to be around, then yes, it is a deal-breaker.

I do realise and accept that is really judgmental of me, but I just do not want to have to spend time with nasty / tiresome people, even if they are "just children". Especially not if their bad behaviour is indulged by their parents. (One branch of my family is like that and I try to stay away from them as much as possible - believe me, you would too.)

All the more reason to meet the child early on.
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C_tinie_D
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#4
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#4
I'd say its not a dealbreaker but I'd have to really like her lol
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JamesManc
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#5
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#5
Male 21-25 (won't go out with a female with kids)
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Meduza
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#6
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#6
(Original post by jam277)
Following from another thread.

Also mention how old you are. Will do a poll.
I'd accept if the guy just had one child and the child lived with him.

If he had more than one child and his children lived with the mother and he would plan on seeing his family every weekend etc, then no.
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Tiger Rag
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#7
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#7
Female 25+. Wouldn't date someone with kids. I did briefly date someone with kids and it hard - because I knew that they come first. Oh, and I was closer to his eldest sons' age than I was his...
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llys
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#8
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#8
Yo radical one, why did you delete your post? It is a perfectly valid opinion (though it may change with circumstances).
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beast132
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#9
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#9
As long as the girl wouldn't have a loose vagina and the kid wasn't involved in my life - no problem. But if I would have to spend time with the kid - no thanks. It's her kid, not mine.
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Alfissti
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#10
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#10
Her having kids in itself isn't a deal breaker. However some aspects of her having kids can be a deal breaker.

The deal breaker will be if :-

1) I have to pay for her kids.
2) She expects her kids will get special treatment at the house.
3) The father is disruptive to the arrangement.
4) She is of the mentality that her kids are priority 1-10 every time.
5) She insist on her kids knowing me, I will get to know them when I want to and when they want to.
6) Of an undesirable race or religion.
7) She tolerates poor academic performance.
8) My kids don't like her kids.
9) Her kids have poor manners or other issues I don't want to deal with.
10) She uses social welfare benefits to support her kids.

The ex-ladyfriend has an 8 year old boy. It wasn't a dealbreaker until 2, 3, and 7 became points of constant contention.

Would I go for someone with children again? I will carefully consider it and probably won't hold it against her. However I think the preference would be for someone who doesn't have kids.

38.
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pinkbullets
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#11
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#11
I put that I would consider it (I'm 21) but I'd have to really, really like them. Selfish though it sounds I think I'd find it really tough to know that someone would always come before me, right from the beginning of the relationship. I wouldn't like it either because I wouldn't be entitled to an opinion on the kid if it had a mother and the kid would probably hate me if he/she's mother had died. I have quite strong opinions on how to bring up kids anyway, I definitely want kids of my own and it'd would bug me that the kids wouldn't all be brought up the same.
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Mankytoes
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#12
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#12
I voted I wouldn't (aged 23), I mean I couldn't rule it out 100%, if I met a really amazing girl, I do tend to get infactuated, but I think it's unlikely enough that "dealbreaker" was the honest answer. The thing is, in my circles no one has children, I have no experience around children, it would feel a bit intense having a responsibility for a child right away.
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TheMagicRat
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#13
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#13
Yes. I don't want any kids, so I don't want someone else's. I'm 24.
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ArtGoblin
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#14
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#14
I would but I would really have to like them. If it was someone who I'd met once and they had a kid and seemed interested in me I wouldn't bother pursuing it. However, if it was someone I'd known a little while and things developed then I wouldn't not go out with them because they had kids. I would be disappointed though - I feel awkward around children and they take up so much time. I think it's generally easier to date a father than a mother though. I don't think it would be so bad if they didn't live with the child.

Edit: I am 23.
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joker12345
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#15
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#15
Nope. Would simply make me see them differently when I found out they had kids, ie not see them as a potential partner. I don't want a complicated, broken family. I don't want to raise someone else's kid, and neither do I always want to be second choice to my partner.
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Precious Illusions
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#16
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#16
I'm 21 and at this age, no I wouldn't.
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lou 22
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#17
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#17
Depends how old the guy is tbf I am 21 so wouldnt like a guy 19-22 with a child ideally but it depends on how he is with the child as that would be the decider, but 23 upwards I possibly would.
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Isometrix
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#18
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#18
Hmm depends really if it's a casual partner in which case I probably wouldn't mind, as opposed to someone I can see myself with long term. There is a difference because in the long term I would want to have kids myself, and would need to know if she would be willing to start another family seeing that she already has kids to look after. I'd have to consider how much responsibility I would need to take in looking after her kids too. Also if I did end up having kids with her the whole family dynamic of having two sets of kids would be complicated and needs to be weighed up, e.g how would her previous set of kids view me as their non-biological father.

Basically I probably wouldn't marry or commit long-term to a girl who has kids, but would be open to the idea of dating them casually.
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Graceful_Lawyer
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#19
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#19
I'm 18 and I don't think for me personally that it would be a deal breaker. This is because I believe if I love someone, I should also love those who that person loves. And if that person loves his children, I would try my best to love them as my own children. I'd marry a guy with kids.
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Mr Smurf
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#20
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#20
Massive deal breaker for me.
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