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Super Jealous Girlfriend
I'm Male, 18, and am just about to go to Uni, leaving my girlfriend of 2.5 years behind.
She has just finished having a go at me because she saw a photo of me and my friends in a group photo... we had our arms around each others shoulders and there were two girls in the group (I was standing next to one). The only reason I hung out with these two girls is because my two friends were after both of them.
I personally do not think she has a right to have a go at me about it... I was in the middle of the group and I couldn't really refuse to take part in the photo.
My girlfriend always acts really jealous... hates me talking to any girls (not random girls- people I kinda know)... and half-jokingly says I'm gonna run off with one, or that she thinks they like me.
I have no real female friends and I am crap at talking to girls- and I think this has a lot to do with my girlfriend. I usually blush when I am talking to girls (especially when my gf is there because I know what she'll be thinking). It is frustrating, and doesn't help my confidence... I am very shy as it is.
What should I do? I've tried talking to get but she just says she gets jealous because she loves me. I'll be living in mixed accomodation at Uni and she has already demanded that I show her photos of the girls, and says she thinks I am going to cheat on her with them!
She has just finished having a go at me because she saw a photo of me and my friends in a group photo... we had our arms around each others shoulders and there were two girls in the group (I was standing next to one). The only reason I hung out with these two girls is because my two friends were after both of them.
I personally do not think she has a right to have a go at me about it... I was in the middle of the group and I couldn't really refuse to take part in the photo.
My girlfriend always acts really jealous... hates me talking to any girls (not random girls- people I kinda know)... and half-jokingly says I'm gonna run off with one, or that she thinks they like me.
I have no real female friends and I am crap at talking to girls- and I think this has a lot to do with my girlfriend. I usually blush when I am talking to girls (especially when my gf is there because I know what she'll be thinking). It is frustrating, and doesn't help my confidence... I am very shy as it is.
What should I do? I've tried talking to get but she just says she gets jealous because she loves me. I'll be living in mixed accomodation at Uni and she has already demanded that I show her photos of the girls, and says she thinks I am going to cheat on her with them!
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I used to get jealous because I had no life. Tell her to get one! (in as nice a way as possible, or she'll probably go nuclear again)
I've mentioned that she is a bit obsessive... I haven't told her to get a life (thanks for the help). She just says, 'why are you annoyed about something that means I care about you'.
I am looking forward to the space... but its still going to be an issue..
By the way... shes my first girlfriend... the only girl I have ever even kissed... Yet she still gets this jealous!
I am looking forward to the space... but its still going to be an issue..
By the way... shes my first girlfriend... the only girl I have ever even kissed... Yet she still gets this jealous!
'why are you annoyed about something that means I care about you'.
Reply back with...
"why don't you trust me?" - That'll set her thinking about why she feels the need to be obsessive. You don't need to be jealous and possessive to love them, in fact its nearly the other way around. You know they won't cheat on you.
Reply back with...
"why don't you trust me?" - That'll set her thinking about why she feels the need to be obsessive. You don't need to be jealous and possessive to love them, in fact its nearly the other way around. You know they won't cheat on you.
wow she is really possessive over you.
just tell her you love her and that there will never be any other girl (well soemthing along those lines) just to make her feel more relaxed about it. maybe she just needs your reassurance. if that dont work then you really need to tell her the truth, and that means being harsh too. do you know any of her girl mates? maybe you can talk to them and try and get them to talk to her for you
just tell her you love her and that there will never be any other girl (well soemthing along those lines) just to make her feel more relaxed about it. maybe she just needs your reassurance. if that dont work then you really need to tell her the truth, and that means being harsh too. do you know any of her girl mates? maybe you can talk to them and try and get them to talk to her for you
It doesn't mean she cares about you - it means she's insecure.
Jealousy is usually a symptom of another, underlying problem. Before you go to uni, sit her down and have a good long talk with her, ask her why she feels jealous and why she doesn't trust you, try and get to the root of this. Assure her you love her and aren't going to cheat on her, but do NOT give into any unreasonable demands she might make (e.g. "I don't want you going out with other girls" etc, or even showing photos of girls in your accommodation) because it's a slippery slope from there. Once you start accommodating her jealousy and caving to her demands she'll just start making more. You cannot let her jealousy control you or prevent you from doing things you want to do.
Lex
Jealousy is usually a symptom of another, underlying problem. Before you go to uni, sit her down and have a good long talk with her, ask her why she feels jealous and why she doesn't trust you, try and get to the root of this. Assure her you love her and aren't going to cheat on her, but do NOT give into any unreasonable demands she might make (e.g. "I don't want you going out with other girls" etc, or even showing photos of girls in your accommodation) because it's a slippery slope from there. Once you start accommodating her jealousy and caving to her demands she'll just start making more. You cannot let her jealousy control you or prevent you from doing things you want to do.
Lex
Lexis
It doesn't mean she cares about you - it means she's insecure.
Jealousy is usually a symptom of another, underlying problem. Before you go to uni, sit her down and have a good long talk with her, ask her why she feels jealous and why she doesn't trust you, try and get to the root of this. Assure her you love her and aren't going to cheat on her, but do NOT give into any unreasonable demands she might make (e.g. "I don't want you going out with other girls" etc, or even showing photos of girls in your accommodation) because it's a slippery slope from there. Once you start accommodating her jealousy and caving to her demands she'll just start making more. You cannot let her jealousy control you or prevent you from doing things you want to do.
Lex
Jealousy is usually a symptom of another, underlying problem. Before you go to uni, sit her down and have a good long talk with her, ask her why she feels jealous and why she doesn't trust you, try and get to the root of this. Assure her you love her and aren't going to cheat on her, but do NOT give into any unreasonable demands she might make (e.g. "I don't want you going out with other girls" etc, or even showing photos of girls in your accommodation) because it's a slippery slope from there. Once you start accommodating her jealousy and caving to her demands she'll just start making more. You cannot let her jealousy control you or prevent you from doing things you want to do.
Lex
Absolutely spot on in my opinion.
She will get worse the more you give into her. Be strong, tell her you love her and she has nothing to worry about, and change the subject. The more airtime you give her, the bigger the issue will become.
She may relax gradually, she may not.
Because she's your first girlfriend, it might be hard for you to think this, but sometimes people need to move on, and if she is making your life harder and making you miserable rather than enhancing your life, it might be time to call it a day.
I would tell her how its making you feel, there was no need for her to react just over a friendly photo, if she still reacts badly after talking to her about these issues then i don't think she is the girl for you.
Believe me i know what it's like to have a controlling girlfriend.
Believe me i know what it's like to have a controlling girlfriend.
I used to be a jealous girlfriend, I never tried to control him though, just felt bad about certain things...the reason why I felt paranoid and was jealous was because I didn't have a very high opinion of myself at all and him flirting with other girls made me feel more unwanted and more unattractive, since then I have actually managed to grow up and start to appreciate myself more..my point is that maybe she's got a low self-esteem, maybe by just showing her that you do appreciate her and prefer her to other girls will help to stop the jealousy. Also, like others have said, don't give in to her demands, by her controlling you like that it shows a serious lack of respect if she doesn't expect you to have a private life away from her.
The_Bear
Dump her.
^this sounds like a good option to me
if this isnt an optioon then can she go to freshers week with you? maybe just for a day or two so she can meet your new flatmates. if shes friendly with them it might make her feel better.
Seems pretty simple to me: you're off to uni and she's terrified of losing you. She sounds like a pretty dependent person, so maybe she's always been a jealous girlfriend, but the whole university issue is only going to make her 100 times worse! Right now, you need to decide if you want to stay with her. If you do, she needs a lot of reassurance cos it's going to be a difficult time for her. However, if you feel she's holding you back, that really is the last thing you need at this time in your life. It's hard to be independent when someone is so dependent on you. For these reasons, it might be fairer if you end it now.
The_Bear
Dump her.
To put it bluntly lol!
Does she talk to guys? Do you get jealous if she talks to guys? If not just explain to her how you feel and say that you dont get jealous when she talks to guys because you obviously trust her (being with her for 2.5yrs)! Tell her she should be the same! Or tell her that her jealousy may push you away from her and she will push you over the edge in to doing something you may regret!
Anonymous
I'm Male, 18, and am just about to go to Uni, leaving my girlfriend of 2.5 years behind.
She has just finished having a go at me because she saw a photo of me and my friends in a group photo... we had our arms around each others shoulders and there were two girls in the group (I was standing next to one). The only reason I hung out with these two girls is because my two friends were after both of them.
I personally do not think she has a right to have a go at me about it... I was in the middle of the group and I couldn't really refuse to take part in the photo.
My girlfriend always acts really jealous... hates me talking to any girls (not random girls- people I kinda know)... and half-jokingly says I'm gonna run off with one, or that she thinks they like me.
I have no real female friends and I am crap at talking to girls- and I think this has a lot to do with my girlfriend. I usually blush when I am talking to girls (especially when my gf is there because I know what she'll be thinking). It is frustrating, and doesn't help my confidence... I am very shy as it is.
What should I do? I've tried talking to get but she just says she gets jealous because she loves me. I'll be living in mixed accomodation at Uni and she has already demanded that I show her photos of the girls, and says she thinks I am going to cheat on her with them!
She has just finished having a go at me because she saw a photo of me and my friends in a group photo... we had our arms around each others shoulders and there were two girls in the group (I was standing next to one). The only reason I hung out with these two girls is because my two friends were after both of them.
I personally do not think she has a right to have a go at me about it... I was in the middle of the group and I couldn't really refuse to take part in the photo.
My girlfriend always acts really jealous... hates me talking to any girls (not random girls- people I kinda know)... and half-jokingly says I'm gonna run off with one, or that she thinks they like me.
I have no real female friends and I am crap at talking to girls- and I think this has a lot to do with my girlfriend. I usually blush when I am talking to girls (especially when my gf is there because I know what she'll be thinking). It is frustrating, and doesn't help my confidence... I am very shy as it is.
What should I do? I've tried talking to get but she just says she gets jealous because she loves me. I'll be living in mixed accomodation at Uni and she has already demanded that I show her photos of the girls, and says she thinks I am going to cheat on her with them!
Mate this could be me.... I am AWFUL at talking to girls even though I am loud (and I like to think funny and popular) around the lads.... I just don't find that many girls interesting to talk to.... When I have found girls I like as friends my gf gets jealous even though she has loads of friends who are boys... Stuff that she does with boys (minor stuff like hugging them or walking off with them or to use an example from last week falling asleep on another guys shoulder), she would go ****ing crazy if I did that with other girls.... It is annoying....
^ Are you kidding me? It's not normal to feel jealous when your boyfriend has harmless physical contact with someone of the opposite sex. If he's all over someone you'll prob feel jealous, if he has his arm around someone for a photo and you freak out then you are insecure and a bit derranged.
OP: Honestly in your situation I would break up with her and enjoy yourself at uni without the cloud of the obsessive girlfriend hanging over you. However I understand it's not so black and white when you care about someone. You have to stop doing what she wants because it is only going to make her demand more. Don't send her pictures of your housemates so she can see if they are attractive. Don't stop talking to girls because she's pouting and sighing next to you and getting in a strop. It is totally unreasonable of her to expect you never to look at or speak to another woman.
Have you ever given her any reason not to trust you? If not then all of this comes from her insecurity and lack of self-confidence. She says "I only get jealous because I love you". Well I'm sorry but if you love someone then you want them to have a full and happy life. You don't create all sorts of hoops for them to jump through to satisfy your ridiculous insecurities. If you love someone you may well feel jealous from time to time, but you control it and think rationally about whether you are jealous because of their actions (ie if bf is flirting) or because you're being insecure.
Next time she says she's only jealous because she loves you try countering with, but if you love me and I've never done anything to hurt you, why do you still not trust me? I'll be really surprised if she can cope with you living away from her because she's so dependant. Either she'll be ringing you all the time and trekking to your uni...or she'll freak out and say she can't deal with it and if you love her you'd stay at home with her.
OP: Honestly in your situation I would break up with her and enjoy yourself at uni without the cloud of the obsessive girlfriend hanging over you. However I understand it's not so black and white when you care about someone. You have to stop doing what she wants because it is only going to make her demand more. Don't send her pictures of your housemates so she can see if they are attractive. Don't stop talking to girls because she's pouting and sighing next to you and getting in a strop. It is totally unreasonable of her to expect you never to look at or speak to another woman.
Have you ever given her any reason not to trust you? If not then all of this comes from her insecurity and lack of self-confidence. She says "I only get jealous because I love you". Well I'm sorry but if you love someone then you want them to have a full and happy life. You don't create all sorts of hoops for them to jump through to satisfy your ridiculous insecurities. If you love someone you may well feel jealous from time to time, but you control it and think rationally about whether you are jealous because of their actions (ie if bf is flirting) or because you're being insecure.
Next time she says she's only jealous because she loves you try countering with, but if you love me and I've never done anything to hurt you, why do you still not trust me? I'll be really surprised if she can cope with you living away from her because she's so dependant. Either she'll be ringing you all the time and trekking to your uni...or she'll freak out and say she can't deal with it and if you love her you'd stay at home with her.
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