I told my gf i cheated, what do i do now?
Hello everyone,
Last week I was at a house party, got incredibly drunk and woke up with a girl in my bed. I was so drunk i don't remember anything and neither does she. Bad situation.
I immediately told my gf and she was devastated, after discussing it the following days she has agreed to keep going with the relationship.
Before this we were going really strong, a couple of mistakes dancing with girls in nightclubs, once again alcohol induced, that's all and I would never have thought about cheating.
We have been seeing each other for a few years and we are serious about our future together. Realizing I could have destroyed our future has had serious impact on me.
The thing is i feel terrible, i'm struggling to sleep, eat, have motivation to work etc. I know this is understandable and deserved but where do i go from here? I truly believe in time things will get back to normal, i am going to stop drinking to prevent anything like this ever happening again.
Any advice/comments would be appreciated.
T
Last week I was at a house party, got incredibly drunk and woke up with a girl in my bed. I was so drunk i don't remember anything and neither does she. Bad situation.
I immediately told my gf and she was devastated, after discussing it the following days she has agreed to keep going with the relationship.
Before this we were going really strong, a couple of mistakes dancing with girls in nightclubs, once again alcohol induced, that's all and I would never have thought about cheating.
We have been seeing each other for a few years and we are serious about our future together. Realizing I could have destroyed our future has had serious impact on me.
The thing is i feel terrible, i'm struggling to sleep, eat, have motivation to work etc. I know this is understandable and deserved but where do i go from here? I truly believe in time things will get back to normal, i am going to stop drinking to prevent anything like this ever happening again.
Any advice/comments would be appreciated.
T
Unfortunately you can't do anything but live with what you've done!
It's good that you're cutting out drinking though.
Just remember that you need to show your gf that you do love her and want to be with only her, but it's just going to take time to heal!
Posted from TSR Mobile
It's good that you're cutting out drinking though.
Just remember that you need to show your gf that you do love her and want to be with only her, but it's just going to take time to heal!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Hello everyone,
Last week I was at a house party, got incredibly drunk and woke up with a girl in my bed. I was so drunk i don't remember anything and neither does she. Bad situation.
I immediately told my gf and she was devastated, after discussing it the following days she has agreed to keep going with the relationship.
Before this we were going really strong, a couple of mistakes dancing with girls in nightclubs, once again alcohol induced, that's all and I would never have thought about cheating.
We have been seeing each other for a few years and we are serious about our future together. Realizing I could have destroyed our future has had serious impact on me.
The thing is i feel terrible, i'm struggling to sleep, eat, have motivation to work etc. I know this is understandable and deserved but where do i go from here? I truly believe in time things will get back to normal, i am going to stop drinking to prevent anything like this ever happening again.
Any advice/comments would be appreciated.
T
Last week I was at a house party, got incredibly drunk and woke up with a girl in my bed. I was so drunk i don't remember anything and neither does she. Bad situation.
I immediately told my gf and she was devastated, after discussing it the following days she has agreed to keep going with the relationship.
Before this we were going really strong, a couple of mistakes dancing with girls in nightclubs, once again alcohol induced, that's all and I would never have thought about cheating.
We have been seeing each other for a few years and we are serious about our future together. Realizing I could have destroyed our future has had serious impact on me.
The thing is i feel terrible, i'm struggling to sleep, eat, have motivation to work etc. I know this is understandable and deserved but where do i go from here? I truly believe in time things will get back to normal, i am going to stop drinking to prevent anything like this ever happening again.
Any advice/comments would be appreciated.
T
Give her space. If it was me our relationship would be over, but you never know.
yes i am giving her space, i feel like i need to prove that i want to be in the relationship but unsure how to do so besides talking about it.
Wow it's great that she forgave you. I never would have.
Original post by Anonymous
yes i am giving her space, i feel like i need to prove that i want to be in the relationship but unsure how to do so besides talking about it.
You seem like a sincere enough guy. If you keep hurting her by alcohol-induced actions, you need to give it up. Either her or the alcohol.
I would probably give you another chance, if you seemed really committed to a booze-free life. Otherwise, it would be hard to believe that you've changed and that would lead to relationship breakdown.
The only thing you can do to convince her how much you want to be in the relationship is to stop drinking so much. If she sees that, she can appreciate that you are really serious. Words are good but not as powerful as actions.
You will also have to give her some time to rebuild trust. She has forgiven you, but unfortunately forgiveness is only the start. She'll have suspicions now for a while whenever you do anything unusual (unless she has a superior personality to most people I know), and that frame of mind can seriously rock a relationship. But given some time she should be able to get over it and you can go back to normal. What I'm saying is don't blame her for being a little sensitive / schizophrenic in the immediate future, if that happens DO NOT tell her to "get over it" just because nominally she has already forgiven you. These feelings are caused by 'trauma' and you have to reassure her until they fade away naturally. (Pretty sure they will if you do it right.)
You will also have to give her some time to rebuild trust. She has forgiven you, but unfortunately forgiveness is only the start. She'll have suspicions now for a while whenever you do anything unusual (unless she has a superior personality to most people I know), and that frame of mind can seriously rock a relationship. But given some time she should be able to get over it and you can go back to normal. What I'm saying is don't blame her for being a little sensitive / schizophrenic in the immediate future, if that happens DO NOT tell her to "get over it" just because nominally she has already forgiven you. These feelings are caused by 'trauma' and you have to reassure her until they fade away naturally. (Pretty sure they will if you do it right.)
Space space space, seriously.
I must say congrats for telling her and straight away as well. Some people would not do that (which says it all really).
All I have to say is I hope that it continues for you and it all goes well. When 'proving it' to her don't go way overboard though, because it will just remind her of what you have done and then you start overcompensating because of your actions. But do make extra effort with her now, let her know you are serious and the past is the past..you are already taking action by stopping/cutting down on the drinking which is a very good sign and shows commitment to her and your relationship as a whole.
Find a way to get the motivation back, get good sleep etc and be the best man you can be, not only for yourself but for your woman too. You know exactly how and why you ended up in those situations - drinking and that is the most important thing so just get back on track man! it will take time but you can do it.
I must say congrats for telling her and straight away as well. Some people would not do that (which says it all really).
All I have to say is I hope that it continues for you and it all goes well. When 'proving it' to her don't go way overboard though, because it will just remind her of what you have done and then you start overcompensating because of your actions. But do make extra effort with her now, let her know you are serious and the past is the past..you are already taking action by stopping/cutting down on the drinking which is a very good sign and shows commitment to her and your relationship as a whole.
Find a way to get the motivation back, get good sleep etc and be the best man you can be, not only for yourself but for your woman too. You know exactly how and why you ended up in those situations - drinking and that is the most important thing so just get back on track man! it will take time but you can do it.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello everyone,
Last week I was at a house party, got incredibly drunk and woke up with a girl in my bed. I was so drunk i don't remember anything and neither does she. Bad situation.
I immediately told my gf and she was devastated, after discussing it the following days she has agreed to keep going with the relationship.
Before this we were going really strong, a couple of mistakes dancing with girls in nightclubs, once again alcohol induced, that's all and I would never have thought about cheating.
We have been seeing each other for a few years and we are serious about our future together. Realizing I could have destroyed our future has had serious impact on me.
The thing is i feel terrible, i'm struggling to sleep, eat, have motivation to work etc. I know this is understandable and deserved but where do i go from here? I truly believe in time things will get back to normal, i am going to stop drinking to prevent anything like this ever happening again.
Any advice/comments would be appreciated.
T
Last week I was at a house party, got incredibly drunk and woke up with a girl in my bed. I was so drunk i don't remember anything and neither does she. Bad situation.
I immediately told my gf and she was devastated, after discussing it the following days she has agreed to keep going with the relationship.
Before this we were going really strong, a couple of mistakes dancing with girls in nightclubs, once again alcohol induced, that's all and I would never have thought about cheating.
We have been seeing each other for a few years and we are serious about our future together. Realizing I could have destroyed our future has had serious impact on me.
The thing is i feel terrible, i'm struggling to sleep, eat, have motivation to work etc. I know this is understandable and deserved but where do i go from here? I truly believe in time things will get back to normal, i am going to stop drinking to prevent anything like this ever happening again.
Any advice/comments would be appreciated.
T
I'm curious. Did you tell her because you felt guilty or because you thought she would find out?
Original post by Anonymous
yes i am giving her space, i feel like i need to prove that i want to be in the relationship but unsure how to do so besides talking about it.
Just my take, but if it were me the last thing I'd want is space. She didn't ask for space, she's said she wants to continue the relationship. If it were me, I'd want reassurance that id made the right decision, ie you showing that you care. Make an effort, be the best boyfriend.
Oh, and if she gets paranoid, accept it. Tell her where you are etc, stop drinking so she can see how bad you feel.
Original post by Anonymous
Wow it's great that she forgave you. I never would have.
Most women think they wouldn't, but in practise most do- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2196146/Why-affairs-unforgivable-Six-women-forgive-partner-strayed-twice.html
It's easy to say you wouldn't forgive a hypothetical partner, harder when it's someone you love. I think there's a bit of a sexist double standard as well- men are seen as animalistic, and they can't help shagging sometimes, whereas women don't really enjoy sex, so use it maliciously.
Original post by Mankytoes
Most women think they wouldn't, but in practise most do- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2196146/Why-affairs-unforgivable-Six-women-forgive-partner-strayed-twice.html
It's easy to say you wouldn't forgive a hypothetical partner, harder when it's someone you love. I think there's a bit of a sexist double standard as well- men are seen as animalistic, and they can't help shagging sometimes, whereas women don't really enjoy sex, so use it maliciously.
It's easy to say you wouldn't forgive a hypothetical partner, harder when it's someone you love. I think there's a bit of a sexist double standard as well- men are seen as animalistic, and they can't help shagging sometimes, whereas women don't really enjoy sex, so use it maliciously.
Not sure, but I think it's more that women are worried they won't find someone else if they dump this one, and they don't want to be single, so they are more willing to give it another shot. Men maybe less so?
Stop drinking, lol.
Balloon Baboon, I told her out of guilt, it could have been hidden very easily. If it was the other way round i would want to hear it straight away too.
Joker12345, your actually right. Today my gf asked why i had been so quiet etc. I explained i was feeling 'timid' & not knowing were i stand. So although we are have some space (seeing eachother in person a little less) the fact of less contact is the wrong way to go about it.
hellodave5, im on it!
Joker12345, your actually right. Today my gf asked why i had been so quiet etc. I explained i was feeling 'timid' & not knowing were i stand. So although we are have some space (seeing eachother in person a little less) the fact of less contact is the wrong way to go about it.
hellodave5, im on it!
Original post by llys
Not sure, but I think it's more that women are worried they won't find someone else if they dump this one, and they don't want to be single, so they are more willing to give it another shot. Men maybe less so?
Well it's generally accepted that while women are more desired at, say, twenty, men are more desired than woman at, say, forty. Hence women in their twenties tend to get more "aren't you settling down soon" pressure than men. So I guess there's always that countdown feeling?
She's a bigger woman than me that's for sure. Don't **** up again, that's your best bet.
Posted from TSR Mobile
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Original post by Anonymous
Balloon Baboon, I told her out of guilt, it could have been hidden very easily. If it was the other way round i would want to hear it straight away too.
Joker12345, your actually right. Today my gf asked why i had been so quiet etc. I explained i was feeling 'timid' & not knowing were i stand. So although we are have some space (seeing eachother in person a little less) the fact of less contact is the wrong way to go about it.
hellodave5, im on it!
Joker12345, your actually right. Today my gf asked why i had been so quiet etc. I explained i was feeling 'timid' & not knowing were i stand. So although we are have some space (seeing eachother in person a little less) the fact of less contact is the wrong way to go about it.
hellodave5, im on it!
Yeah, I think the fact that you told her straight away is great too btw, SO many people try to hide things like this and that was probably one of the main things that made her give you a second chance. Anyway, that makes a lot of sense to me. She wants distance, in the sense that she can't just go straight back to normal so doesn't want to meet as much, but likely is waiting for you to make the effort to fix things so they CAN go back to normal. I have to say, I'm really surprised at everyone saying give her space, and it seems that's not what she wants either.
Anyway, you seem like a genuine and decent guy and I wish you the best of luck with it
Original post by Mankytoes
Well it's generally accepted that while women are more desired at, say, twenty, men are more desired than woman at, say, forty. Hence women in their twenties tend to get more "aren't you settling down soon" pressure than men. So I guess there's always that countdown feeling?
Yes I think there's that. But also, you see how many women stay with abusive partners (which is much worse than just cheating!) - not sure how many men would do that?
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