Anyone else have no libido? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
I have no sexual drive whatsoever. It didnt bother me when I first realised but now it worries me alot.

I wasnt like this before. I have never had a very high sex drive but I did 'fancy' guys and things would turn me on etc. Now, no matter what, I cant be sexually aroused. What is worse is the fact that I am disgusted by sex. I understand why people do it and I dont think the act is disgusting but I can't see myself ever doing it (I am a virgin).

I think it is psychological but nothing major has happened to me. I knew a guy who really liked me and told me he loved me but I didnt feel the same way. I let him get too close (even though we didnt even kiss) but I think my relationship with him has affected me as it is since I decided to cut off most contact with him that I cant get close to anyone else. It has been almost a year and it seems to just be getting worse. I dread meeting up with any guys because I dont like hugging them when greeting/saying goodbye and people seem to force it on me. I know hugging doesnt seem like a big deal but I cant do it anymore. I am trying to figure out how this has happened. I'm putting it down to the fact that this guy really wanted a physical relationship with me and I wouldnt let it happen. But I think about the times I would let him hold me hands/hug me/touch me whenever he could and how he probably felt like he had a right to more? I don't know what it is but I dont want to be like this forever.

I do still like guys. Its hard to explain. I can like them in a romantic way but not in a sexual way. I also fear that when/if I find the courage to get into a relationship, I wont be able to have sex as I wont be aroused/it will hurt and he will be confused.

Has this happened to anyone else? I feel so confused and feel embarassed to go to anyone about it. I have spoken to a couple of friends but they dont understand. Maybe they dont believe me.
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Zarek
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#2
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Haven't come across this. As its concerning you, why not see your GP. No need to worry, nothing surprises them.
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Anonymous #2
#3
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Hi. I'm sorry this is bothering you. I think I feel the same but it's difficult to explain? It's like I don't know what having (a) libido/sexual urges feels like so I don't know whether I have them or not? Sorry if that doesn't make much sense.

I haven't had sex or done anything sexual so I wonder whether there is a case of once you've had something, you want it more? I don't know what I'm 'missing out on' so to speak so it would be difficult for me to imagine having sex with someone?

(Just something seemingly different to your situation is that I'm gay and still haven't really come to terms with my sexuality and my lack of a sex drive makes me wonder what I actually am)

Anyway I don't really know about the psychological things. I can't see how your negative past experiences wouldn't have an effect on you; the mind's a really complicated thing! Also perhaps, more generally, your upbringing was more sheltered (so sex is perceived as being for other people but not for you?)

But I think about the times I would let him hold me hands/hug me/touch me whenever he could and how he probably felt like he had a right to more?
This stood out as I was reading and I need to say that you don't owe people anything sexual. If you don't want to do something/you don't feel comfortable, then you don't have to and the person you're with should understand (and if not, then get out of there!)

There are a lot of things which affect libido: stress, side effects of medication, lifestyle etc. Loads of things. You could search for natural ways to increase libido to see if that helps (eg I think certain foods are supposed to help (aphrodisiacs) but I don't know if that affects libido in the long run?

Finally, I'm not surprised you feel embarrassed but try not to be? Sex seems to be everywhere and because I don't understand the appeal etc, it does make me feel odd because everyone else seems to love it and I'm just left thinking, 'what's the big deal?'

Hope this is somewhat useful
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi. I'm sorry this is bothering you. I think I feel the same but it's difficult to explain? It's like I don't know what having (a) libido/sexual urges feels like so I don't know whether I have them or not? Sorry if that doesn't make much sense.

I haven't had sex or done anything sexual so I wonder whether there is a case of once you've had something, you want it more? I don't know what I'm 'missing out on' so to speak so it would be difficult for me to imagine having sex with someone?

(Just something seemingly different to your situation is that I'm gay and still haven't really come to terms with my sexuality and my lack of a sex drive makes me wonder what I actually am)

Anyway I don't really know about the psychological things. I can't see how your negative past experiences wouldn't have an effect on you; the mind's a really complicated thing! Also perhaps, more generally, your upbringing was more sheltered (so sex is perceived as being for other people but not for you?)



This stood out as I was reading and I need to say that you don't owe people anything sexual. If you don't want to do something/you don't feel comfortable, then you don't have to and the person you're with should understand (and if not, then get out of there!)

There are a lot of things which affect libido: stress, side effects of medication, lifestyle etc. Loads of things. You could search for natural ways to increase libido to see if that helps (eg I think certain foods are supposed to help (aphrodisiacs) but I don't know if that affects libido in the long run?

Finally, I'm not surprised you feel embarrassed but try not to be? Sex seems to be everywhere and because I don't understand the appeal etc, it does make me feel odd because everyone else seems to love it and I'm just left thinking, 'what's the big deal?'

Hope this is somewhat useful

I kind of feel what you are feeling. Its almost like im forgetting what sexual urges feel like. But I remember. Sometimes, I almost force myself to like guys. I think "hmm, he is quite hot? See, you think he is hot, you are normal!", yet I still dont feel sexually attracted to them. I cant imagine letting them have sex with me.
I know I shouldnt think I owe anyone anything but sometimes I feel like people do thinkt that I do. I dont even blame them sometimes. I mean, if they feel sexually attracted to me and most people find it easy/normal to engage in sexual relations, then I guess that they have the right to get frustrated. Its almost like I hate the fact that that is how it is. Its as if I am offended that that guy wanted to have sex with me. That sounds so weird but its as if Im afraid of being a sexual object even though I know that being sexually attracted to someone is important in a relationship! Maybe its because I have self esteem issues and so I found/find it strange. I dont know

And yeah, I feel embarassed because even though it sounds normal to me and is the truth (I physically cant feel aroused anymore so Im not bs'ing), I know its hard for other people to understand. I just want to be normal now.

I went to a doctor and the doctor didnt give a **** and acted like the problem is not important after I said Im not even in a relationship. Have you spoken to anyone about it?
(And your reply was definitley helpful!)
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Irina_Nina
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Hi there,
I'm not in your boat myself, but my best friend is. I've never had a personal issue with sexual drive, but the close friend I mentioned really has.
After me trying desperately to give advice and be useful, he just said that he wasn't worried too much, because he was happy enough as he was.
Can only suggest you take his advice and be comfortable in the fact you haven't got a wild sex drive. You're not alone!


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Anonymous #3
#6
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I'm currently in the process of losing a bit of weight and getting in shape - I found that eating less has made my libido definitely diminish.
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Anonymous #2
#7
Report 5 years ago
#7
Hi again. I haven't spoken to anyone about it and I'm kind of surprised (although very grateful) no-one has ever asked me what's going on because it must seem odd that I'm not wanting/having sex.

You mentioned that you have self esteem issues but I don't know whether that would have an effect or not. The problems you have with yourself could, I suppose, because maybe you feel people will only want sex with you because they want sex, if that makes sense, as opposed to showing they care about you so that sort of makes your mind closed off to men because you think they'll just want to use you.

Are you on any medication? Most anti-depressants have a lot of adverse sexual side effects and can really affect your libido. I'm assuming you're female (apologies if incorrect) and I'm not sure of what hormones affect women's sex drive (like testosterone for men). If it is indeed oestrogen, could you look online for symptoms of low oestrogen (but if that were the case you may not have developed fully) so ignore this if you have. If you think you can relate to the symptoms, you could have a blood test and that will see what your hormones are like.

So maybe there is a physical reason for this rather than psychological, but there is such a thing as asexuality. I don't know if you know of that? Of course there's no need to label yourself but there are other people who don't feel sexual attraction to either sex. I understand the bit you said about wanting to be normal though. I've felt like that too and I've just, even though I don't like the idea of casual sex, wished I could feel as if I want to do that and 'be normal' :s

How did your doctor dismiss it? Did they mention the possiblility of something physical?
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Anonymous #4
#8
Report 5 years ago
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I have depression and find that when I'm feeling low I get irritable, and sex is just the last thing on my mind. I feel so sorry for my partner. I love cuddling up to him in bed, but just freeze when he goes to do anything more.

I know this is very helpful with regards to "what can I do" etc, but I just thought I would tell you that you're not alone.
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sansasstark
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have no sexual drive whatsoever. It didnt bother me when I first realised but now it worries me alot.

I wasnt like this before. I have never had a very high sex drive but I did 'fancy' guys and things would turn me on etc. Now, no matter what, I cant be sexually aroused. What is worse is the fact that I am disgusted by sex. I understand why people do it and I dont think the act is disgusting but I can't see myself ever doing it (I am a virgin).

I think it is psychological but nothing major has happened to me. I knew a guy who really liked me and told me he loved me but I didnt feel the same way. I let him get too close (even though we didnt even kiss) but I think my relationship with him has affected me as it is since I decided to cut off most contact with him that I cant get close to anyone else. It has been almost a year and it seems to just be getting worse. I dread meeting up with any guys because I dont like hugging them when greeting/saying goodbye and people seem to force it on me. I know hugging doesnt seem like a big deal but I cant do it anymore. I am trying to figure out how this has happened. I'm putting it down to the fact that this guy really wanted a physical relationship with me and I wouldnt let it happen. But I think about the times I would let him hold me hands/hug me/touch me whenever he could and how he probably felt like he had a right to more? I don't know what it is but I dont want to be like this forever.

I do still like guys. Its hard to explain. I can like them in a romantic way but not in a sexual way. I also fear that when/if I find the courage to get into a relationship, I wont be able to have sex as I wont be aroused/it will hurt and he will be confused.

Has this happened to anyone else? I feel so confused and feel embarassed to go to anyone about it. I have spoken to a couple of friends but they dont understand. Maybe they dont believe me.
It's possible to be asexual but still be romantically interested in people. Sexuality, romantic attraction and sensual attraction are sometimes separate for people. (eg someone might be bisexual, heteroromantic and heterosensual, or whatever combination). Maybe you're asexual but heteroromantic since you still fancy guys?

It's completely personal and maybe complicated but don't be embarrassed about it! Lots of people don't have or want sex and that's fine. If you're not that familiar with asexuality read about it here:

https://lgbtq.unc.edu/asexuality-att...ic-orientation
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index...tle=ABCD_types

I hope that helps
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