My family wont let me move out for university

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bluemonkey100
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It's really stressing me out, the course that I want to study - Law and Politics is only available in some universities and the one which I am the most keen on getting into is the University Of Manchester. However, my parents want me to study in a university in London and commute to there. They even said they'd rather have me go to a university like london met or something then let me move out. Funnily enough a couple of years ago when my male cousin moved out to Sheffield University my family obliged without question
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JVD
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(Original post by bluemonkey100)
It's really stressing me out, the course that I want to study - Law and Politics is only available in some universities and the one which I am the most keen on getting into is the University Of Manchester. However, my parents want me to study in a university in London and commute to there. They even said they'd rather have me go to a university like london met or something then let me move out. Funnily enough a couple of years ago when my male cousin moved out to Sheffield University my family obliged without question
What you mean is, they don't want you to move out.

If you wish to leave and they stop you, I suppose you could argue false imprisonment if they literally don't let you leave the house!

But yeah, talk to them and say how London Met has been given 2 years to improve or else, and how you'd benefit from moving out etc...
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somemightsay888
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Christ. It's your education, your degree, your life and your career. Forget your parents and just move out, you're 18. You're a grown woman. Your parents aren't doing the degree, your parents won't be taking a loan, your parents won't be getting a job at the end of it.
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Thinking_Aloud
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(Original post by bluemonkey100)
It's really stressing me out, the course that I want to study - Law and Politics is only available in some universities and the one which I am the most keen on getting into is the University Of Manchester. However, my parents want me to study in a university in London and commute to there. They even said they'd rather have me go to a university like london met or something then let me move out. Funnily enough a couple of years ago when my male cousin moved out to Sheffield University my family obliged without question
Ask them why they are against you moving out, and try to understand so you can come up with convincing arguments against it, for example: point out that you are responsible; they should trust you more; that you would phone home often.
If they are still against you moving out, remember that they cannot actually stop you. If you do not want to go to the universities they are suggesting don't apply.
Where you go and what you do at university is your choice.
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Chlorophile
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(Original post by bluemonkey100)
It's really stressing me out, the course that I want to study - Law and Politics is only available in some universities and the one which I am the most keen on getting into is the University Of Manchester. However, my parents want me to study in a university in London and commute to there. They even said they'd rather have me go to a university like london met or something then let me move out. Funnily enough a couple of years ago when my male cousin moved out to Sheffield University my family obliged without question
Objectively speaking, it's not their decision to make. Have you spoken to them about why they think that? Is it because it'll be quite substantially cheaper to commute whilst staying at home?
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Reue
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Who cares? Get your student finance and go.

No point even trying to enter dialogue with people like this.
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bluemonkey100
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(Original post by Chlorophile)
Objectively speaking, it's not their decision to make. Have you spoken to them about why they think that? Is it because it'll be quite substantially cheaper to commute whilst staying at home?
I honestly think it's just a cultural thing, my family are pakistani muslims. I've never gotten pregnant or ran away from home or gone out partying til 3am in the morning and yet they still don't trust me. I get so jealous when I hear my friends saying how their parents are encouraging them to move out for university and join societies and I'm probably going to be stuck at home until I get married
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Chlorophile
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(Original post by bluemonkey100)
I honestly think it's just a cultural thing, my family are pakistani muslims. I've never gotten pregnant or ran away from home or gone out partying til 3am in the morning and yet they still don't trust me. I get so jealous when I hear my friends saying how their parents are encouraging them to move out for university and join societies and I'm probably going to be stuck at home until I get married
Again, I'm not really the best person to give advice in this situation, but please bear in mind that they don't have a right to keep you at home. It is not their decision to make.
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Profesh
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(Original post by bluemonkey100)
I honestly think it's just a cultural thing, my family are pakistani muslims. I've never gotten pregnant or ran away from home or gone out partying til 3am in the morning and yet they still don't trust me. I get so jealous when I hear my friends saying how their parents are encouraging them to move out for university and join societies and I'm probably going to be stuck at home until I get married
Time to formulate an exit strategy.
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Simply93
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I don't usually agree with lying, but just tell them you've applied to universities in London and they won't accept you. So apply for some really different courses at the unis in London (eg: chemistry) and then apply for law and politics at Manchester. I mean unless they're really against it, they have to let you go if it's the only option you have left.
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username1553267
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(Original post by bluemonkey100)
It's really stressing me out, the course that I want to study - Law and Politics is only available in some universities and the one which I am the most keen on getting into is the University Of Manchester. However, my parents want me to study in a university in London and commute to there. They even said they'd rather have me go to a university like london met or something then let me move out. Funnily enough a couple of years ago when my male cousin moved out to Sheffield University my family obliged without question
I think its time to stand up for yourself. Persuade them, give good reasons why moving out would be a positive thing for you. Maybe come to a compromise and say that youll call every evening while youre at uni or maybe say youll visit home often or let them visit you. Maybe play the sympathy card and cry in front of their faces. Or you can persuade other family members like aunt, uncle so that theyre on your side and help you.

Just some ideas


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username1494226
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Just propose a strong argument to them and promise to visit regularly, they're not trying to be cruel to you or anything, they probably really love you and don't want you to leave. That or they are being cruel for whatever reason and controlling, maybe they want to control for you for longer or something
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Edminzodo
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Don't apply to any universities in London?

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Mariam35
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I had a very similar experience actually, I want to study sociology and politics at a good university and most of them are outside London (so I'd have to move out.) I am a girl and my mum is Indian and my dad Pakistani Muslim so the response to moving out was literally a '**** no'. I really wanted to move out but my family were being really horrible about it, even the men in the family didn't move out for uni... not that most of them went to university.
I kind of forced my mum to change her opinion, I kind of snapped. My anger at their ignorance helped me maintain 'I don't care i'm doing this for myself' attitude. Your parents aren't paying for your education anyway, most students pay it themselves so the monetary support wasn't an issue. The moral support is something you're going to have to be prepared to lose, you have to have absolute faith in yourself. I have pretty much managed to get my mum on board as long as i apply to 1 london uni (I'll reject it anyway) and I'm planning to tell my dad and 2 older brothers when the time is right.
Just go for it. Don't be a doormat and think of yourself.
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Mariam35
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Also think about it, this is the most opportune time to leave the bird's nest, if you miss this crucial time you might never get it knowing how asian families are with women these days. If you have 1 parent who is more lenient (like my mum was) force them to go to a nice open day (that's what got my mum around) don't let their guilt trips about shame and honour bring you down. Avoid talking about the subject all the time if you know you're applying WHERE YOU WANT TO. It'll only cause more bitterness in the household. Just rely on support about it from friends who know your situation
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jonathanemptage
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There was a thread a bit like this a few years ago it got quite extreme I'd say try talking first if they are still saying no then you need to be a little creative this is what the community advised the girl in the aforementioned thread

1)intercept all from UCAS take it to college or school armed with stamps and things fill out any forms and post them on your way home.

2) purchase a jiffy bag or folder label it something that means your patents won't look in it and keep all UCAS stuff in there hidden or keep a folder in your bag again falsely marked and keep all UCAS stuff in there.

3) arrange with a friend to let you leave a case and some important things like clothes at her house and gradually move things over you can get cheap plates and pots and pans down there along with bulky things like a TV .

4) On results day let your parents know your grades but avoid any questions about university.

5)As move in weekend approaches you'll get a lot of post from the university so your back to the library to fill out your forms

6)So move in week has arrived here comes the tricky part you need to let the bank know your moving and your correspondence should go to Manchester you also should change your phone number by either going on to pay as you go or a new contract or your provider may just change it for you any way do not take your parents with you on these trips. Also take about £200 cash out you'll need this later.

7) So the time has come you've planned all your post is going to your halls you need to write a letter letting your your parents know your not running away that you love them but you've gone to uni and you'll phone them Monday at some point if you changed to pay as you go now is when you put in your new sim card the reason for this is that they will try to employ emotional blackmail threatening to kill them self (of course it is just a threat).

8) Get up really early quietly get dressed leave your letter and collect your case from your mate go to the station and buy your ticket in cash get on the train and job done your out.

9) Make sure you do actually call on Monday but withhold your number if they start beginning you to come home just say I love you to and I'll call again keep this up until the crying and begging stops. Tell them how the course is going what your friends are like do not tell them your out on the lash every night.

Good luck I hope the talking works but if not you do have this oh and leave the letter where your parents will find it but don't give the an address until your sure they won't come to kidnap you hall security will keep them away if you ask them to.

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New- Emperor
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the post above me has give you a really good last resort plan remember only do this plan if you know you Mum and dad are not going to budge on this also apply for really odd courses at the London unis and if by some miracle you do get in to London uni just reject the offer make shore your insurance and firm are in a city that you would like to live in.

also you could always get your mail redirected to your friends house. good luck and keep us posted also a second e-mail account for all uni stuff would not go amiss
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bluemonkey100
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(Original post by Lyuz)
I think its time to stand up for yourself. Persuade them, give good reasons why moving out would be a positive thing for you. Maybe come to a compromise and say that youll call every evening while youre at uni or maybe say youll visit home often or let them visit you. Maybe play the sympathy card and cry in front of their faces. Or you can persuade other family members like aunt, uncle so that theyre on your side and help you.

Just some ideas


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I've discussed the benefits of moving out with my mum and she just said "I dont care whether you get into a good university or a bad one, you will need permission first of all". I've explained that these universities outside of London only do my course and now she's telling me to change what course I want to do.
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bluemonkey100
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I don't want to go clubbing or drinking nor am I really interested in getting a boyfriend not do I want to get pregnant. I just want to be able to live by myself and have fun, be able to go places with them and most importantly I want to be able to study in peace without having to listen to my parents fight almost everyday. But all they care about is "what will so and so think" in regards to me moving out.
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PurpleGhost25175
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(Original post by bluemonkey100)
I don't want to go clubbing or drinking nor am I really interested in getting a boyfriend not do I want to get pregnant. I just want to be able to live by myself and have fun, be able to go places with them and most importantly I want to be able to study in peace without having to listen to my parents fight almost everyday. But all they care about is "what will so and so think" in regards to me moving out.
My parents are Sri Lankan and I was born and bred in Sri Lanka. Only moved to England when I was 10. I was surprised when my parents said that I could go drinking and move out to go to university. I got into Bradford and it is only 40 minutes away from my house. But I suppose they trust my conscience to do what is right or wrong. Have you tried chatting to your parents? Perhaps one of them can move out with you to Manchester. As far as I know Manchester's got a big Asian community so you won't feel left out or anything.
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