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Shyness around girls
Hello. I am a guy, 16, and am in the last year of secondary school - I will be at university this time next yaer.
I am a year younger than I am meant to be for my form and was moved up in the middle of primary school.
Now this has only caused me trouble - I find it difficult to make friends with guys and especially girls in my school - nearly everyone is over a year older than me. Plus I was one of the smarter people around. This was quite serious in the beginning of state secondary school - I was like 10, and some people were turning 12, and you know how much age difference matters then...
Now the effects are fading away, I have a few good friends at school, yet I am not content. I feel excluded from things, like parties and nights out, and all this is because I have not been able to develop my friendships. Although things are improving, I am quite dreading university.
I am especially shy around girls - girls are generally more mature than guys, and most of the time, whenever rarely I do 'communicate' with a girl, I find it somewhat akward and rather difficult to start and hold a conversation for a little more than a few lines.
I have been able to make good friends with guys my age OUTSIDE school, but still I feel akward talking to girls. I have never had good female friends and never had a girlfriend. This kind of gets frustrating. Most of the girls I know when the remember my age, say - 'woah! you are so young'. Hurts.
Also another important thing - sense of hunour. Because of the way I was brought up and a lack fo good friends, I really dont have one as such. Any suggestion about how I can imporve my hunour?
So my questions are:
1) What should I do about this?
2) How can I be more confident around girls, and have something to say all the time?
3) How can I meet more people outside school (guys and girls)? I mean I cant go to clubs or many places where you can go when you are 18 and I really dont want to get drunk. There arent many people around where I live my age.
4) How I can imporve my sense of hunour?
Thanks.
I am a year younger than I am meant to be for my form and was moved up in the middle of primary school.
Now this has only caused me trouble - I find it difficult to make friends with guys and especially girls in my school - nearly everyone is over a year older than me. Plus I was one of the smarter people around. This was quite serious in the beginning of state secondary school - I was like 10, and some people were turning 12, and you know how much age difference matters then...
Now the effects are fading away, I have a few good friends at school, yet I am not content. I feel excluded from things, like parties and nights out, and all this is because I have not been able to develop my friendships. Although things are improving, I am quite dreading university.
I am especially shy around girls - girls are generally more mature than guys, and most of the time, whenever rarely I do 'communicate' with a girl, I find it somewhat akward and rather difficult to start and hold a conversation for a little more than a few lines.
I have been able to make good friends with guys my age OUTSIDE school, but still I feel akward talking to girls. I have never had good female friends and never had a girlfriend. This kind of gets frustrating. Most of the girls I know when the remember my age, say - 'woah! you are so young'. Hurts.
Also another important thing - sense of hunour. Because of the way I was brought up and a lack fo good friends, I really dont have one as such. Any suggestion about how I can imporve my hunour?
So my questions are:
1) What should I do about this?
2) How can I be more confident around girls, and have something to say all the time?
3) How can I meet more people outside school (guys and girls)? I mean I cant go to clubs or many places where you can go when you are 18 and I really dont want to get drunk. There arent many people around where I live my age.
4) How I can imporve my sense of hunour?
Thanks.
Reply 1
I understand your position but you need to realise that girls aren't as special or 'mature' as you think they are. Most are normal human beings; some are nice and some are bitches. Talking to them isn't as difficult as you think and can be quite fun. Now, your questions...
1) What should I do about this?
Start believing in yourself and if you see a girl you like go and talk to her. Don't put a huge pressure on talking to a girl either, you don't want to marry her just try and have fun.
2) How can I be more confident around girls, and have something to say all the time?
Experience. The more practice in social situations you have the better you should become. Smiling, asking open ended questions, actually listening to the girl and responding accordingly, making observations about her, letting her talk about herself, teasing her a little, avoiding boring subjects e.g. politics are all good pointers in conversation.
3) How can I meet more people outside school (guys and girls)? I mean I cant go to clubs or many places where you can go when you are 18 and I really dont want to get drunk. There arent many people around where I live my age.
This is difficult to answer as i don't know where you live. You don't have to get drunk when you go out, I personally like to go to gigs for the music as well as the people - chavvy clubs aren't really my scene. As you make more friends social situations begin to present themselves.
4) How I can imporve my sense of humour?
Watch some comedy and look at their technique, delivery etc. Don't try too hard to be funny and don't be a clown. You don't need to be a comical genius anyway - if a girl likes you she will laugh at pretty much everything you say.
Overall you need to realise that this your situation isn't too bad, as long as you don't act desperate and don't take yourself too seriously you should be ok. Good luck.
1) What should I do about this?
Start believing in yourself and if you see a girl you like go and talk to her. Don't put a huge pressure on talking to a girl either, you don't want to marry her just try and have fun.
2) How can I be more confident around girls, and have something to say all the time?
Experience. The more practice in social situations you have the better you should become. Smiling, asking open ended questions, actually listening to the girl and responding accordingly, making observations about her, letting her talk about herself, teasing her a little, avoiding boring subjects e.g. politics are all good pointers in conversation.
3) How can I meet more people outside school (guys and girls)? I mean I cant go to clubs or many places where you can go when you are 18 and I really dont want to get drunk. There arent many people around where I live my age.
This is difficult to answer as i don't know where you live. You don't have to get drunk when you go out, I personally like to go to gigs for the music as well as the people - chavvy clubs aren't really my scene. As you make more friends social situations begin to present themselves.
4) How I can imporve my sense of humour?
Watch some comedy and look at their technique, delivery etc. Don't try too hard to be funny and don't be a clown. You don't need to be a comical genius anyway - if a girl likes you she will laugh at pretty much everything you say.
Overall you need to realise that this your situation isn't too bad, as long as you don't act desperate and don't take yourself too seriously you should be ok. Good luck.
1) What should I do about this?
2) How can I be more confident around girls, and have something to say all the time?
3) How can I meet more people outside school (guys and girls)? I mean I cant go to clubs or many places where you can go when you are 18 and I really dont want to get drunk. There arent many people around where I live my age.
4) How I can imporve my sense of hunour?
Thanks.
You should just talk to some girls, thats the only way to get overy shyness. I use to be shy talking to boys before year 11 then i made friends with lots of boys and since then i'm fine.
You dont need something to say all the time dont let that worry you. Just ask them about themselves and tell them about if if they ask. then the convo will hopefully just flow
Why dont you join some sort of club in or out of school and try an talk to lots of people there.
Um i dont think you can improve your sense of humour can you?
All i can really say is if you are feeling excluded just try and make a real effort with people you are "sort of" friends with and people you have never really talked to. Then you may be opened up to more friends including girls.
Good luck with everything!!
Reply 3
it may sound weird. but try talking to people on the tube/train/bus shopkeepers etc. its great for quick 5 minute conversations. and also practice (with people you will never see again) at making conversation
you have EXACTLY the same issues that i have.. i, too, have been a year younger, and smarter than others and all the other bla that you have posted in the first 3~4 paras.
but the only difference is that you just lack a bit of self-confidence, a belief in yourself
i was gonna post some suggestions for you, but Anon#2 has already stolen the words outta my mouth!
But a few tips here and there
- Forget about high school now.. it's over and done for in a few months' time.. Just drag through it because there's not much you can do to improve it... unless you are a crazy maniac like me; I just went crazy and I started doing all kinds of things to up my social life.. In the end, it worked... after 3 years of trying
But START improving now
- When you get to university, start talking to people! Improve, expand your social circle AS MUCH as possible. Come on, I moved to a totally unknown different country just 1 month ago. I wasnt insecure about how I'm gonna survive. I started talking to people, making friends. So you do the same too. And make the right friends. Dont make friends that will pull you down, use you, make a fool of you in front of others, or are just loners in general who dont want to socialise etc. Choose wisely.
- The key is to be a good communicator. The more you are able to talk to people (not just friends, but to professors, faculty etc), the more people respect you. You need to be able to take control of your life. I know this sounds silly, but project yourself more when you talk. Talk loudly, dont mumble. And hold yourself straight and look in people's eyes when you talk. It helps, not only with making friends, but also good with girls.
There.... now you dont have to worry about the being-funny part anymore Girls would rather prefer a confident man who leads them around, rather than a funny-goofy-guy who cant control his feelings.
- The way I look at it is that whenever you get to know someone new, it is the best chance to START OVER NEW. Read that part again if you didnt understand. So if you screwed up in high school and learnt from your mistakes, make sure you dont repeat them here again.
- You said you dont like drinking? Or you do like drinking just that you cant drink because you're underage? Ok dont shoot me down for this, because I'm not promoting underage drinking (to come to think of it, I am underage too), but you can ask your friends if they are having house parties or anything and join them (parties are a great way to make friends, btw)
- Lastly, once you have friends, you have girls Trust me on that. Follow Anon#2's advice on getting girls, its useful stuff he's posted.
And good luck with University It's not as bad as it sounds.
And finally, LEARN TO ENJOY LIFE MAN
but the only difference is that you just lack a bit of self-confidence, a belief in yourself
i was gonna post some suggestions for you, but Anon#2 has already stolen the words outta my mouth!
But a few tips here and there
- Forget about high school now.. it's over and done for in a few months' time.. Just drag through it because there's not much you can do to improve it... unless you are a crazy maniac like me; I just went crazy and I started doing all kinds of things to up my social life.. In the end, it worked... after 3 years of trying
But START improving now
- When you get to university, start talking to people! Improve, expand your social circle AS MUCH as possible. Come on, I moved to a totally unknown different country just 1 month ago. I wasnt insecure about how I'm gonna survive. I started talking to people, making friends. So you do the same too. And make the right friends. Dont make friends that will pull you down, use you, make a fool of you in front of others, or are just loners in general who dont want to socialise etc. Choose wisely.
- The key is to be a good communicator. The more you are able to talk to people (not just friends, but to professors, faculty etc), the more people respect you. You need to be able to take control of your life. I know this sounds silly, but project yourself more when you talk. Talk loudly, dont mumble. And hold yourself straight and look in people's eyes when you talk. It helps, not only with making friends, but also good with girls.
There.... now you dont have to worry about the being-funny part anymore
Girls would rather prefer a confident man who leads them around, rather than a funny-goofy-guy who cant control his feelings.- The way I look at it is that whenever you get to know someone new, it is the best chance to START OVER NEW. Read that part again if you didnt understand. So if you screwed up in high school and learnt from your mistakes, make sure you dont repeat them here again.
- You said you dont like drinking? Or you do like drinking just that you cant drink because you're underage? Ok dont shoot me down for this, because I'm not promoting underage drinking (to come to think of it, I am underage too), but you can ask your friends if they are having house parties or anything and join them (parties are a great way to make friends, btw)
- Lastly, once you have friends, you have girls
Trust me on that. Follow Anon#2's advice on getting girls, its useful stuff he's posted. And good luck with University
It's not as bad as it sounds.And finally, LEARN TO ENJOY LIFE MAN
Reply 5
Maybe you should take a gap year.. that way you'd be the same age as people at your University when you start...
Especially if you are not gonna be 18 by then.
Especially if you are not gonna be 18 by then.
Reply 6
with the added advantage that you will have picked up priceless experience travelling/working whatever you do
Reply 7
1) What should I do about this?
2) How can I be more confident around girls, and have something to say all the time?
There's all the self-help stuff about believing in yourself, building confidence, etc. But it's quite pointless as its too general. So here's some concrete "exercises" you should do. For instance, start by walking down the high street, into cafes and shopping malls, and say "hi" to girls. Around 10% will respond with something more, and take it from there. For the second stage of your social self-improvement, use the lamest, stalest chat up lines you know (of the **** if I'm wrong but havent we met b4 variety), because that which doesnt kill you makes you stronger, and rejection doesnt kill (usually). Just say "Do you wanna ****", and you'll get a non-negative response from around 5%. Become used to humiliation. Thirdly, after these "exercises" you'll find your confidence in all social situations has gone up dramatically. Hope this is more useful than those lameass responses like "believe in urself" etc.
3) How can I meet more people outside school (guys and girls)? I mean I cant go to clubs or many places where you can go when you are 18 and I really dont want to get drunk. There arent many people around where I live my age.
You could get a false ID. Alternatively, depending on how u look u can sometimes pass anyway, especially early on and at less classy establishments, further from the city centre. Also, making friends from the local uni or polytechnic and going with them increases chances dramatically. Don't get drunk, 1 or 2 units is ideal to "lubricating" your social skills as I call it. Also NEVER, ever buy drinks to girls ur planning on chatting up.
Alternatively, just set aside half a day and browse thru the coffee shops and book stores (best places IMO) and just strike up convos. "hi" "how do you do" etc doesnt have to be mindblowingly clever, and if u fail to continue well theres millions more ppl out there.
4) How I can imporve my sense of hunour?
Remember that sarcasm is usually a suitable substitute. Apart from that, take the effort to memorize a few dozen jokes. You can find them easily enough on the Web. If your not a 'natural' kind of joky person, it is quite possible to paste over that gap doing this thing.
2) How can I be more confident around girls, and have something to say all the time?
There's all the self-help stuff about believing in yourself, building confidence, etc. But it's quite pointless as its too general. So here's some concrete "exercises" you should do. For instance, start by walking down the high street, into cafes and shopping malls, and say "hi" to girls. Around 10% will respond with something more, and take it from there. For the second stage of your social self-improvement, use the lamest, stalest chat up lines you know (of the **** if I'm wrong but havent we met b4 variety), because that which doesnt kill you makes you stronger, and rejection doesnt kill (usually). Just say "Do you wanna ****", and you'll get a non-negative response from around 5%. Become used to humiliation. Thirdly, after these "exercises" you'll find your confidence in all social situations has gone up dramatically. Hope this is more useful than those lameass responses like "believe in urself" etc.
3) How can I meet more people outside school (guys and girls)? I mean I cant go to clubs or many places where you can go when you are 18 and I really dont want to get drunk. There arent many people around where I live my age.
You could get a false ID. Alternatively, depending on how u look u can sometimes pass anyway, especially early on and at less classy establishments, further from the city centre. Also, making friends from the local uni or polytechnic and going with them increases chances dramatically. Don't get drunk, 1 or 2 units is ideal to "lubricating" your social skills as I call it. Also NEVER, ever buy drinks to girls ur planning on chatting up.
Alternatively, just set aside half a day and browse thru the coffee shops and book stores (best places IMO) and just strike up convos. "hi" "how do you do" etc doesnt have to be mindblowingly clever, and if u fail to continue well theres millions more ppl out there.
4) How I can imporve my sense of hunour?
Remember that sarcasm is usually a suitable substitute. Apart from that, take the effort to memorize a few dozen jokes. You can find them easily enough on the Web. If your not a 'natural' kind of joky person, it is quite possible to paste over that gap doing this thing.
Reply 8
If I was you, I would take a gap year before going to uni, as you will be only 17 when you go to uni. You can afford tot take an gap year due to your age. I wanted to take one, but I will be 19 when I finish school. A gap year should help as you will meet more people, gain more confidence, and become more independent. Which will therefore help you making friends when you go to uni.
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