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M&M Duels...

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
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I have to try that sometime.
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lou p lou
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haha, that's funny- the blue ones are just fraudsters- they are not proper M&Ms- they just geg in...
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Tednol
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Have you done it with the peanut M&M's?
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Benny Cool
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What about crispies?
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The peanut M&Ms are an offshoot species. Originally regular M&Ms, they came into existence through mutation. However, peanut M&Ms have established themselves as a new and superior species, and were it for the efforts of individuals like me to strengthen the original M&Ms species, then the originals would have become extinct a long time ago. I have attempted to duel peanut ones, and have found that they are tougher than their predecessors and cause significant damage to one's forefinger if they are squeezed incessantly.
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Tednol
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Have you tried it with any other food types? Grapes might be fun.
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I've tried to duel apples before, which worked well (all you need is two people, two cricket bats and goggles - citric acid can be a *****).
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hilly
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very entertaining!
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