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Hugging?? Help!!

Advice please! I'm in an unfamiliar situation!

A few months ago I was chatting with an acquaintance, not really what you'd call a friend at that point. I said I'd had a bit of a crappy year and it was great that something was going right for once. She closed in on me and hugged me. Fair enough! But we continued chatting and she told me quite a lot about herself such as being adopted, being bullied at school and stuff about her family. Not really the sort of thing I would tell a near stranger. She hugged me twice more in the space of the hour that we talked.

I came away feeling that I had found myself a new friend. Sadly, only shortly after I managed to upset her, totally unwittingly and I'm still not sure what I did. I apologised immediately but that seemed to cause more upset and she won't talk to me or dicuss it and has been quite unpleasant towards me. I really feel that I've done my best to make amends and I'm not sure what else to do. I think somewhere along the line I've misread the situation and wonder now whether her initial friendliness was a kind of cry for help.

Any thoughts please. I so want to put things right and I feel so very sad as strangely I had grown to quite like her, especially as I took the hugging incident to be kind of her acceptance of me. i thought we were comfortable with each other. We have both got boyfriends and are happy with that so it's nothing sexual.

Reply 1

ForumFreak

9

She seems kind of sensitive. I'd give her some space to calm down and then try apologizing again.

Reply 2

Happy_Holidays

15

You could try writing her a letter and sending her a box of chocolate or something as a present to say sorry. Then just leave her and let her come to you. Don't try and push her.

Reply 3

Phonicsdude

19

Dont buy a girl presents EVER unless you are going out with them. And even then only on your own terms. It means far more that way.

But yeh. I'd stay away from emotionally insecure girls.

Reply 4

--

3

Yep, if you honestly can't remember doing anything wrong (like calling her fat/ugly or punching her in the face), shes either emotionally unstable, and therefore likely to be a nightmare of a friend, or you caught her at a...erm...'bad' time. Don't send her a present if you dont even know what you're sorry for, especially to someone you've only hugged a couple of times.

Reply 5

ForumFreak

9

I'd wait for her to approach you. If you're lucky she'll calm down and maybe even apologize to you for being jumpy. It doesnt really sound like you've done anything wrong.

Reply 6

a_t

16

3232

calling her fat/ugly or punching her in the face

Haha, sounds to me you're into her. Are you sure you wanna get into a relationship with someone like that who seems to be a bit on the edge. Sounds like a bit of a nightmare

Reply 7

Ulala

Sorry, (maybe I am wrong) but from your post I can read - that the simple 'hugging' meant something for you.. maybe not in the sexual sense or anything like this, but it was something bigger than usual?
And I also think, that you would like * deep in your heart to turn it into sexual relation? Cuz you particularly fancy it?
Correct me if I wrong :P

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Nope I'm not into her in any sexual way! Sorry to disappoint some people!!
But, yes the hugging thing did kind of catch me off guard as it's not really something I'm into, even with family its guarded. I just don't know what to make of it because I personally don't make a habit of hugging people never mind strangers! It did give me a sense of well being but nothing more.

I don't really get why she would want to hug me in the first place. I know its something some people do as a matter of course but 3 times in the hour, is that not a bit over the top? I just feel bad that I've perhaps let down someone who was really asking for help and I've been totally insensitive to it.

I do care a great deal for other people and i'm easy to talk to so I think she probably felt okay with me hence the reason she was so open. I think I've said something that has made her feel less than comfortable but I don't know what it is!

She seems to me unhappy deep down but I just don't know to get to her. I feel miserable myself now that I've convinced myself that I've let her down!

Reply 9

_Jax_

1

hug her with your tounge and see how that goes

Reply 10

bluenoxid

13

We have both got boyfriends and are happy with that so it's nothing sexual.

Noxid hits himself on head

Note it is a female

Reply 11

phoenixv

Yeah, no one seems to realise it appears to be a female talking about another female... hmmm...

Reply 12

_Jax_

1

I would like to point out that i realized and offered the only appropriate advice

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Well thanks to those of you who took me seriously. As for the rest of you ...... I suggest you go play silly games elsewhere instead of upsetting people with a genuine wish for some advice.

Yes I am female as is my friend and I'll say again for those that seemed to have missed the point it is not in anyway sexual.

I have not been brought up in a family where hugging is the norm. No problems with boyfriends but that's entirely different. This is another female who, at the time, I hardly new at all. What I am asking is:-

Do you feel that it is normal for one female to hug another female 3 times in an hour when they hardly know one another?

I ask because I'm wondering whether this was her way of trying to befriend me because she needed to talk about things, or is it just a friendly gesture?
As I've not been in this position before I don't know what to think! I have seemingly now upset her a great deal and I'm really upset that I've lost her friendship.

Reply 14

--

3

Do you feel that it is normal for one female to hug another female 3 times in an hour when they hardly know one another?

Santa yes, another female no.

Reply 15

LouE3D

From the sounds of it, it was just a friendly gesture, especially if you were telling her about something (the 'final something is going right' comment)?

What did you say or do when she became upset with you?

Give her time to simmer down, then when it has all cooled, sit down and talk to her about your fall out... if she doesn't want to talk to you then I'm afraid there is nothing you can do until she is ready too!

Reply 16

pukey

She sounds like a really high maintainance friend. I'd keep her at arms length. If you want to do your good deed for the day/charity work, try and talk to her again, but plan your exit before you go in.

Reply 17

Convalescent

If I was you, I would dispose of him. Swiftly.

Reply 18

--

3

Convalescent

If I was you, I would dispose of him. Swiftly.

Right, i can understand people not knowing what the sex of the OP is, but how can you be confused about the sex of the other girl? Mentalist.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

LouE3D

From the sounds of it, it was just a friendly gesture, especially if you were telling her about something (the 'final something is going right' comment)?

What did you say or do when she became upset with you?

Give her time to simmer down, then when it has all cooled, sit down and talk to her about your fall out... if she doesn't want to talk to you then I'm afraid there is nothing you can do until she is ready too!

Yes, perhaps you're right and it was a gesture more than anything. I think someone told her about a past psychological problem that I had following the death of my mother. It's likely that she just wanted out from any friendship, although she did laugh and say that we never were friends after I'd sent a letter apologising for any upset I might have caused and saying that I valued her as a friend.

As someone pointed out earlier, the hugging did actually mean something to me. i haven't been hugged since my mum died so it was very poignant. I didn't expect to be ditched in such a way only a few weeks later. I am very hurt.

Hugging?? Help!!

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