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Desperately unhappy girl
Hi
This may be quite a long message but please read, if u can. I am female and 21 now. When i was at secondary school i was happy and popular. everything started to go wrong when a lad spread lies about me because i rejected him. i was alienated by everybody and hated; truly i had no one. At that time my parents didn't get along, there were always arguments and I was always bullied by them. I had nowhere to turn and everyone seemed to be against me. I decided to work hard to go to a top uni to study law. that would be my escape.
The teachers however predicted me cack grades and as a result after proving them all wrong and scoring great marks i had to reapply to uni if i was going to study law at a good uni. The year out was awful though; first i found out that i was losing my hair. My hair used to be really fine and pretty but it started falling out in clumps. I was desperately scared, but second
my mum is a control freak psycho. She demanded that i stay at home for the whole year and shut up. If i tried to leave to try to get a job or something she would barricade herself to the door and scream at my dad who was very ill. I had to stay there in that room losing my hair without speaking to a person for more than a year. I didn't want dad to die; she had caused him heart attacks with her screaming in the past. whenever i raised the hair issue with mum she would just ignore me.
anyway when i was going to uni after the year i was frightened. I felt socially inept; i hadn't had a friend for years now and my hairloss, although not obvious was getting worse. I didn't make any friends and two years on i still haven't made one friend. I now sit in my room self harming and dreaming of death.
Right now I feel so miserable. I am scared because the hair loss is getting obvious now and i have tried everything to stop it with no success. It seems pointless bothering with a career, friends or anything; i will look a hideous freak and because of my scalp type wigs won't work.
I have been alone for so long that i am mentally scarred. I have no friends and i have no family. People always says if u don't like doing something then just don't do it; i don't like living. There seems to be no escape. whatever i do, the only certainty is that however unhappy i am, my life will get worse.
This may be quite a long message but please read, if u can. I am female and 21 now. When i was at secondary school i was happy and popular. everything started to go wrong when a lad spread lies about me because i rejected him. i was alienated by everybody and hated; truly i had no one. At that time my parents didn't get along, there were always arguments and I was always bullied by them. I had nowhere to turn and everyone seemed to be against me. I decided to work hard to go to a top uni to study law. that would be my escape.
The teachers however predicted me cack grades and as a result after proving them all wrong and scoring great marks i had to reapply to uni if i was going to study law at a good uni. The year out was awful though; first i found out that i was losing my hair. My hair used to be really fine and pretty but it started falling out in clumps. I was desperately scared, but second
my mum is a control freak psycho. She demanded that i stay at home for the whole year and shut up. If i tried to leave to try to get a job or something she would barricade herself to the door and scream at my dad who was very ill. I had to stay there in that room losing my hair without speaking to a person for more than a year. I didn't want dad to die; she had caused him heart attacks with her screaming in the past. whenever i raised the hair issue with mum she would just ignore me.
anyway when i was going to uni after the year i was frightened. I felt socially inept; i hadn't had a friend for years now and my hairloss, although not obvious was getting worse. I didn't make any friends and two years on i still haven't made one friend. I now sit in my room self harming and dreaming of death.
Right now I feel so miserable. I am scared because the hair loss is getting obvious now and i have tried everything to stop it with no success. It seems pointless bothering with a career, friends or anything; i will look a hideous freak and because of my scalp type wigs won't work.
I have been alone for so long that i am mentally scarred. I have no friends and i have no family. People always says if u don't like doing something then just don't do it; i don't like living. There seems to be no escape. whatever i do, the only certainty is that however unhappy i am, my life will get worse.
Reply 1
16
After uni you can be rid of your parents forever though, as for your hair, If you see a doctor they may be able to recommend something. I've heard it being stress related in the past though and with you having so much to deal with that could be the case. And anyways, Natalie Portman looked fine with no hair 
With a negative attitude though you won't be able to do much. I know it might be hard to do but try and have some confidence in yourself, you sound like a smart girl and I'm sure you are a lovely person if anyone was to talk to you. In regards to friends have you tried talking to people in your common rooms? Striking up conversation with people in your course or joining societies? Try asking people for help with work even if you don't need it, you'll at least have an excuse to talk to them.
With a negative attitude though you won't be able to do much. I know it might be hard to do but try and have some confidence in yourself, you sound like a smart girl and I'm sure you are a lovely person if anyone was to talk to you. In regards to friends have you tried talking to people in your common rooms? Striking up conversation with people in your course or joining societies? Try asking people for help with work even if you don't need it, you'll at least have an excuse to talk to them.
Reply 2
1
Ok, a few issues and i'll try and give some "helpful" advice.
The hair issue: have you considered going to a GP if you think it's bad? They can probably suggest something, although you may think it's worse than what other people perceive it to be.
I've felt out of depth in social circles and find myself in third year looking around and realising i haven't really got friends here. But it's not a lost cause. Join some societies, do some sports, music - there must be so much stuff and something you like to do that you can share in common with other people.
Nothing in life is certain and it's definitely not certain it'll get worse. I find that sometimes the smallest things can just make everything seem better. But if you want to use that negative attitude you can use it to your advantage. If everything is going to get worse then there's no harm doing completely random things and meeting new people as there's nothing to lose. Just it's not good to be sitting by yourself harming yourself and thinking of death. It's only a vicious circle and you're not going to feel any better isolating yourself from people. Just have to mix with some people and after a while perhaps you may meet some people who become friends.
The hair issue: have you considered going to a GP if you think it's bad? They can probably suggest something, although you may think it's worse than what other people perceive it to be.
I've felt out of depth in social circles and find myself in third year looking around and realising i haven't really got friends here. But it's not a lost cause. Join some societies, do some sports, music - there must be so much stuff and something you like to do that you can share in common with other people.
Nothing in life is certain and it's definitely not certain it'll get worse. I find that sometimes the smallest things can just make everything seem better. But if you want to use that negative attitude you can use it to your advantage. If everything is going to get worse then there's no harm doing completely random things and meeting new people as there's nothing to lose. Just it's not good to be sitting by yourself harming yourself and thinking of death. It's only a vicious circle and you're not going to feel any better isolating yourself from people. Just have to mix with some people and after a while perhaps you may meet some people who become friends.
Reply 3
Anonymous
I now sit in my room self harming and dreaming of death.
Don't self harm! You need to go out and take your mind off things, try and make some friends by joining a society, it's never too late. Complete what you set out and worked so hard to get into. Go to the doctors and find out what is happening.
I'm your friend
Edit: PM me for my msn email, if you want to chat
Reply 4
none of these people are your friends... they just live in a world in which they believe they canhelp you...
the fact that you are posting here on such a personal subject is not good for you... it might provide some entertainment for these fiends but it sure as hell won't help you.
you are a mature human being, in no way should your life be cutoff because of your mother or your father. in no way should you be guilty if anything happens to your father. if you are self harming, not only are you doing a disservice to yourself, you are causing extraproblems for your father and you are wasting away an intelligence and potential.
the fact that you bounced up your grades is what you should focus on. aftersuch family problems, that you would improve is inspiring to say the least.
get out of your house. Find a job. Applyfor a uni with mature undergrads. do your law degree.
these are your personal goals, and should not be tied to anything going on in your family. if you want tohelp your father/mother situation, talk to someone in confidence.
but for now, focus on what you will do. DON'T self harm or commit suicide. not because its a sin. not because you will be missed. rather, because you owe it to yourself to see out what you havealready started.
stop fcussing on the badand lookat your achievement. i hope you work this out.
the fact that you are posting here on such a personal subject is not good for you... it might provide some entertainment for these fiends but it sure as hell won't help you.
you are a mature human being, in no way should your life be cutoff because of your mother or your father. in no way should you be guilty if anything happens to your father. if you are self harming, not only are you doing a disservice to yourself, you are causing extraproblems for your father and you are wasting away an intelligence and potential.
the fact that you bounced up your grades is what you should focus on. aftersuch family problems, that you would improve is inspiring to say the least.
get out of your house. Find a job. Applyfor a uni with mature undergrads. do your law degree.
these are your personal goals, and should not be tied to anything going on in your family. if you want tohelp your father/mother situation, talk to someone in confidence.
but for now, focus on what you will do. DON'T self harm or commit suicide. not because its a sin. not because you will be missed. rather, because you owe it to yourself to see out what you havealready started.
stop fcussing on the badand lookat your achievement. i hope you work this out.
Reply 5
you need a hug, heres one.
remember your a brilliant person, keep telling yourself that. every day you wake up in the morning, write down 5 reasons why your brilliant. Join a club and meet new people, youll be fine.
remember your a brilliant person, keep telling yourself that. every day you wake up in the morning, write down 5 reasons why your brilliant. Join a club and meet new people, youll be fine.
Reply 6
Aw don't worry! People are pretty cool and easy to get along with at uni, you'll be fine!
Join some societies
Hang in there, and remember that you're a great person x x x
Join some societies
Hang in there, and remember that you're a great person x x x
Reply 7
1
You're having a really bad time and I do sympathise. Sometimes it helps just to have a good rant on an anonymous forum. This is too big to have to deal with alone. I would imagine (in a non-medical way) that your hair loss is stress related in which case it will be reversible. Would you be able to discuss your problems with a doctor? You will need help to stop self-harming so you will have to talk to somebody. You have lots of issues making you unhappy. Could you focus on one area of your life and see if you can improve that? Making a doctors appt would be one way. If that's too hard try to make a point of talking to at least one person a day, even just a shopkeeper, talking about the weather or something. Then gradually you'll realise that you can have a rapport with people and eventually you'll have the confidence to go out and make friends.
I know it's hard but you need to make the first move to get the help you need. Things won't get worse but they may just get better if you give them a chance. I care about you even if no-one else does. Please feel free to pm me.
I know it's hard but you need to make the first move to get the help you need. Things won't get worse but they may just get better if you give them a chance. I care about you even if no-one else does. Please feel free to pm me.
Reply 8
about the hair thing there is a tablet made of natural compounds called nourkrin and is effective solving hairloss problems that are related to stress it is expensive though. It can be purchased in Boots.
Reply 9
15
I have to say that this really touched me. Poor, poor you 
It sounds like you've had an extremely rough time over the last few years. Your time at secondary school sounds very uncomfortable, and it's admirable that you managed to push it to the back of your mind and concentrate on studying. I think now, although it's hard, you would be best to forget it altogether. It was, what, five, six, years ago now? That period of your life is over now. It had its ups and downs (perhaps more downs than ups), but it's over. Finished. You don't have to think about that any more. I know (from experience) it's difficult to forget the injustices that have been done to you, but you must remember that everyone was so much more immature than they are now. Now, all the people who rejected you are twenty-one. Imagine how they must have developed as people since then! So you don't need to worry about finding friends. People your age will be much nicer than they were when you were fifteen or sixteen.
Your family situation also sounds as if it was very awkward. Many people will sympathise with you; you are certainly not alone in that your mother wanted to control you. I can see it's distressing for you not to have parents you can talk to, but surely there are other relatives whom you know? Aunts, uncles, cousins? You may feel alone and isolated from your family, but there'll always be someone who cares about you and is wishing you well. And once you've got back some confidence and got a nice group of friends, you won't feel so alone.
Your hair loss issue may be relatively easy to relieve. It's already been suggested it could be due to stress; another possibility is mineral deficiency. How good is your diet? If you're not eating enough, in particular if you're not eating enough iron, the iron-deficiency can cause your hair to fall out. Something which is very easily treated - you can either eat tonnes and tonnes of spinach and red meat, or you can go to a GP - they'll prescribe you some iron tablets which will restore your hair. Feeling happy and confident with your physical appearance is the first step to feeling happy and confident inside.
It is worth bothering with a career! Finish your law degree and start applying for jobs, even if it feels like the last thing in the world that you want to do. When someone's employing you, it feels good that they've put their trust in you, it gives you the boost to perform well, and it's also an injection of something new into your life. At the moment I get the feeling that you think your life is monotonous. If you get a job, it's a new challenge, something else you can succeed at. A job brings money, which brings opportunities to improve your life - you can rent a flat, buy a car, treat yourself to new clothes occasionally. A job also brings career prospects, which brings further interest and a goal to aim for. But perhaps most importantly for you, a job brings people, and when you have to interact with people, it makes you grow in confidence so much. Eventually, when you interact with people and you find that they don't hate you, and actually seem to rather like you, your confidence will grow, and you'll feel so much happier.
You're right; nothing is certain in life. No one knows exactly what's going to happen. That used to really, really frighten me - I was terrified of the unknown. But now I try to embrace it. Tomorrow, something nice might just happen. Next week, something else nice might happen. Plan ahead as much as you can, but enjoy the feeling of uncertainty - try to view it as interesting rather than frightening.
I really, really hope things get better for you. You just don't know how much is good about you - I've got several things about you just from reading your statement. You're not only extremely literate and sharp-minded; you're also very sensitive and determined. However, I have a feeling that your experiences have made you quite depressed, and that's an illness that can be treated. You don't have to use drugs; often coming to terms with the things that have upset you in the past can help. There are so many people out there who are willing to help you; you just have to look for them.
Good luck with everything - feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
xxx
It sounds like you've had an extremely rough time over the last few years. Your time at secondary school sounds very uncomfortable, and it's admirable that you managed to push it to the back of your mind and concentrate on studying. I think now, although it's hard, you would be best to forget it altogether. It was, what, five, six, years ago now? That period of your life is over now. It had its ups and downs (perhaps more downs than ups), but it's over. Finished. You don't have to think about that any more. I know (from experience) it's difficult to forget the injustices that have been done to you, but you must remember that everyone was so much more immature than they are now. Now, all the people who rejected you are twenty-one. Imagine how they must have developed as people since then! So you don't need to worry about finding friends. People your age will be much nicer than they were when you were fifteen or sixteen.
Your family situation also sounds as if it was very awkward. Many people will sympathise with you; you are certainly not alone in that your mother wanted to control you. I can see it's distressing for you not to have parents you can talk to, but surely there are other relatives whom you know? Aunts, uncles, cousins? You may feel alone and isolated from your family, but there'll always be someone who cares about you and is wishing you well. And once you've got back some confidence and got a nice group of friends, you won't feel so alone.
Your hair loss issue may be relatively easy to relieve. It's already been suggested it could be due to stress; another possibility is mineral deficiency. How good is your diet? If you're not eating enough, in particular if you're not eating enough iron, the iron-deficiency can cause your hair to fall out. Something which is very easily treated - you can either eat tonnes and tonnes of spinach and red meat, or you can go to a GP - they'll prescribe you some iron tablets which will restore your hair. Feeling happy and confident with your physical appearance is the first step to feeling happy and confident inside.
It is worth bothering with a career! Finish your law degree and start applying for jobs, even if it feels like the last thing in the world that you want to do. When someone's employing you, it feels good that they've put their trust in you, it gives you the boost to perform well, and it's also an injection of something new into your life. At the moment I get the feeling that you think your life is monotonous. If you get a job, it's a new challenge, something else you can succeed at. A job brings money, which brings opportunities to improve your life - you can rent a flat, buy a car, treat yourself to new clothes occasionally. A job also brings career prospects, which brings further interest and a goal to aim for. But perhaps most importantly for you, a job brings people, and when you have to interact with people, it makes you grow in confidence so much. Eventually, when you interact with people and you find that they don't hate you, and actually seem to rather like you, your confidence will grow, and you'll feel so much happier.
You're right; nothing is certain in life. No one knows exactly what's going to happen. That used to really, really frighten me - I was terrified of the unknown. But now I try to embrace it. Tomorrow, something nice might just happen. Next week, something else nice might happen. Plan ahead as much as you can, but enjoy the feeling of uncertainty - try to view it as interesting rather than frightening.
I really, really hope things get better for you. You just don't know how much is good about you - I've got several things about you just from reading your statement. You're not only extremely literate and sharp-minded; you're also very sensitive and determined. However, I have a feeling that your experiences have made you quite depressed, and that's an illness that can be treated. You don't have to use drugs; often coming to terms with the things that have upset you in the past can help. There are so many people out there who are willing to help you; you just have to look for them.
Good luck with everything - feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
xxx
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