Have to keep giving a girl lifts home, her husband wont pick her up. Advice..

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civilstudent
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I train with this girl/women at my sports club shes 37 and we get on well but im unsure of how to get round this problem. She is married with 3 teenage children, doesnt work and doesnt drive. Her husband is the worker and driver and therefore when they fall out or have a disagreement he wont come and pick her up from sports.

I give her plenty of lifts because he refuses to pick her up but the problem is i have to go over a mile in the opposite direction to where i live and then drive back again. Ive told her to cycle but she wont as theres a tricky junction and without being rude shes not the smartest/most practically minded she would probably get run over.

Like today it was raining and he refused so it was me who had to take her home. She doesnt work so doesnt have money for taxi's. Any ideas : /
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Sam Walters
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Start making excuses. She will soon get the picture.
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Skip_Snip
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You don't have to do anything, remember that!
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SophiaLDN
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You're so sweet. Very kind of you!

That's the problem here though, they are taking your kindness as a weakness. I bet the husband would pick fights on the sports day just so he doesn't have to pick her up as they all know you would do it. Her husband is a **** btw.

Anyway, this shouldn't be your problem at all. I would just make it clear and tell her that I can't keep giving you a lift due to (time on my journey, petrol etc). They shouldn't rely on you. If the husband/wife knew that you wouldn't be there to give her a ride im pretty sure you'd see him pick her up all the time. Easy option is because they know you would do it.

Also, if her husband is the provider as she doesn't work then he should provide taxi money/public transport if he doesn't want to pick her up. Simple. Just put your foot down.
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Aristotle's' Disciple
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(Original post by civilstudent)
without being rude shes not the smartest/most practically minded she would probably get run over.
Brilliant
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civilstudent
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(Original post by SophiaLDN)
You're so sweet. Very kind of you!

That's the problem here though, they are taking your kindness as a weakness. I bet the husband would pick fights on the sports day just so he doesn't have to pick her up as they all know you would do it. Her husband is a **** btw.

Anyway, this shouldn't be your problem at all. I would just make it clear and tell her that I can't keep giving you a lift due to (time on my journey, petrol etc). They shouldn't rely on you. If the husband/wife knew that you wouldn't be there to give her a ride im pretty sure you'd see him pick her up all the time. Easy option is because they know you would do it.

Also, if her husband is the provider as she doesn't work then he should provide taxi money/public transport if he doesn't want to pick her up. Simple. Just put your foot down.
It's hard as she is a friend it's her husband who annoys me more than anything. Her 15 year old daughter answered the phone once when this friend rang to ask for a lift and the daughter just said 'you will have to get ....(me) to give you a lift as we are busy'. I'd rather just make excuses as I'm to much of a wimp to refuse (I won't get far in life being like this I know) I think I'll park my car somewhere else and say I've walked hah
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stargirl63
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The thing is, you should never start something you can't continue to do, otherwise its easy for people to think "well it wasn't a problem before, why is it a problem now?"

Making excuses is the best way. Say your car has a flat tyre, so you're walking, and then every time she asks, just keep saying it needs to be fixed.

I feel like the husband doesn't want to give her a lift because he knows that you will help her - as soon as you stop, he will have to step up. Right now, it sounds like they take it for granted that you're going to taxi her home.
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Emma:-)
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(Original post by civilstudent)
I train with this girl/women at my sports club shes 37 and we get on well but im unsure of how to get round this problem. She is married with 3 teenage children, doesnt work and doesnt drive. Her husband is the worker and driver and therefore when they fall out or have a disagreement he wont come and pick her up from sports.

I give her plenty of lifts because he refuses to pick her up but the problem is i have to go over a mile in the opposite direction to where i live and then drive back again. Ive told her to cycle but she wont as theres a tricky junction and without being rude shes not the smartest/most practically minded she would probably get run over.

Like today it was raining and he refused so it was me who had to take her home. She doesnt work so doesnt have money for taxi's. Any ideas : /
Id just use the excuse that you have walked (so dont have your car to give her a lift). You dont need to go into detail or reasons why or anything. Park your car somewhere where she wont see it or anything, then go to your car once she is out of the way. If you use that excuse a few times, then she should get the message.
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SoniaTwizere
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Like another female said to you, that's wry sweet and kind of you but you're not her husband and it's not your obligation to keep on dropping her home. If you weren't there what would she do? She'd have no choice but to find a way to get home. You're having to go in a totally different direction to where you leave and I'm sure she's not helping out with petrol. I'd understand if you were both going in the same direction but you're not and it's not fair on you


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SoniaTwizere
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(Original post by civilstudent)
I train with this girl/women at my sports club shes 37 and we get on well but im unsure of how to get round this problem. She is married with 3 teenage children, doesnt work and doesnt drive. Her husband is the worker and driver and therefore when they fall out or have a disagreement he wont come and pick her up from sports.

I give her plenty of lifts because he refuses to pick her up but the problem is i have to go over a mile in the opposite direction to where i live and then drive back again. Ive told her to cycle but she wont as theres a tricky junction and without being rude shes not the smartest/most practically minded she would probably get run over.

Like today it was raining and he refused so it was me who had to take her home. She doesnt work so doesnt have money for taxi's. Any ideas : /
Also her husband might become angry at the fact that another male is taking his wife home


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