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Kinda hard to talk about

Urm. Well.

My mum's boyfriend has been living with us for about 12 years. He was great to start with, would buy us all presents and stuff, and was generally a nice guy. But recently, (like last 5 years) he's become quite violent. The other day we were arguing and he managed to push me at my wardrobe, and cutr my head open. i've told everyone it was because i tripped up and hit my head, but i think a few are suspicious but they're keeping quiet. I can't really talk to my mum about this, because she loves him, knows it's all going on, but doesn't want to leave him. I also have a medical condition which makes me pretty damn reliant on my mum, so although i've looked into moving out on my own, it's just not feasable.
I don;t know what to do, i want to tell someone because i'm scared for myself, but can't because of my mum.

Please help

Reply 1

username47781

20

You really need to speak to someone about this, he is scum for doing that to you, there must be a helpline you can call for this.

Reply 2

lil_sweetie

1

How old are you? I really think you should tell someone...if not your mum then another relative / counsellor /teacher or someone. What about your dad - is he on the scene anywhere? If he pushed you once and hurt you, he's liable of doing it again.

Reply 3

--

3

Yeah, if you can't tell your mum then you need to tell another adult you can trust. Someone like a relative/teacher/doctor etc. It could happen again if you do nothing, so its really important that you tell someone.

Reply 4

Shockley

15

You have to talk to your mum, in private. Don't worry if you think it'll split them up, that shouldn't matter. My step-dad sometimes kicks my little brother and my mum has said that he ever hurt any of us again he'd be out, the kids come first. You have to do something before it gets worse, what he did was assault.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

The problem is i don't want to cause any more problems for my mother as she's pretty fragile herself. I mean as long as it's me not my mum or my younger sister i'm happier, but i don't thik i can go on with it much longer.

Reply 6

Sheen

11

i think you should tell your mum.
she has a right to know and im sure she'd want to know if her boyfriend was doing anything to hurt her kid.

Reply 7

username47781

20

No matter how fragile it is you cannot ignore the fact he lashed out at you.

Reply 8

--

3

Your mum already has a problem, whether she knows about it or not. Telling her will allow her to deal with the problem, rather than letting it happen again and maybe leaving you seriously injured. Whatever your mum's feelings are for your step-dad, i seriously doubt she'd be happy with him hitting you.

Reply 9

Juwel

18

Your mum doesn't need to be with a tossbag like that. DOn't worry about splitting them up: any good mother would side with their kid.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

lil_sweetie

How old are you? I really think you should tell someone...if not your mum then another relative / counsellor /teacher or someone. What about your dad - is he on the scene anywhere? If he pushed you once and hurt you, he's liable of doing it again.

My dad left when i was 4 and i never see him, and I'm 17, but can't leave home yet. Also, he has done it more than once it's just he's never really hurt me, just been violent

Reply 11

ForumFreak

9

Even though your mum is fragile in the long run it will be worse for her if you let it continue. Please speak to someone

Reply 12

Shockley

15

Anonymous

The problem is i don't want to cause any more problems for my mother as she's pretty fragile herself. I mean as long as it's me not my mum or my younger sister i'm happier, but i don't thik i can go on with it much longer.

You should never have to take abuse, by cutting your head he can get into serious trouble with the police, all it takes is for you to tell someone like a doctor and they can do something about it. I really hope you manage to sort this out, is there a male relative who can help you out? I would seriously consider telling them, I doubt you'd have many problems after that.

Reply 13

lil_sweetie

1

Anonymous

My dad left when i was 4 and i never see him, and I'm 17, but can't leave home yet. Also, he has done it more than once it's just he's never really hurt me, just been violent

This still counts as abuse even if he's not hurting. I don't think leaving home will solve this - he's still hurt you and there's a chance that if he's violent towards you, he may also be violent towards your mum. Do you have younger siblings? Maybe tell a close friend or teacher, just someone who can listen and advise you a bit better than well all can.

Edit: - sorry, saw the younger sister bit. This is even more reason to tell someone - she could also get hurt - especially if you're thinking about moving out!

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Thankyou all so much for listening. I feel like a right pillock to be honest, but i really appreciate the advice.

Reply 15

Sheen

11

you shouldnt feel silly as youve done nothing wrong

Reply 16

sidi

1

It may be that he is hurting your little sister or your mum but you all have this vow of silence to stop anyone getting hurt. That is why it is essential that you speak out.
What happened 5 years ago to change things? Did he start drinking? It may be that he can get help - anger management classes? If nobody does anything nothing changes. Is that what you want? You say your mum is fragile. What is she keeping from you? I'd start by having a good chat with your mum when you know you won't be interrupted. If she's not prepared to support you and get help, tell her you will have to tell someone else. Do you have a counsellor at school? It would be a good idea to talk to them anyhow. They might suggest things you can say to your mum to show that you don't blame her, but equally you can't go on like this.
Good luck.

Reply 17

Alice 00

what if ur mother's boyfriend is also doing this bullying to ur mum and sis? perhaps they also think it is a one off and perhaps they are also to scared tp say anything because it may just cause a problem.

darling the best way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them and tell them u are not going to take their ****e. this scumbag has already shown a violent side, what next? what does he have to do for u to say something? where does it end?

personally, I would speak to him in private and ask him why he is violent? why has he changed? perhaps he has a worry himself. if he is just a scumbag with no justification tell him he was wrong, behaviour like that will lose ur respect for him and next time he does it u will phone the police.

Reply 18

LouE3D

Talk to your mum first. You will probably find that she is stronger than you think - a a mothers child is threatend, she will do anything to protect it!

She is also your parent so it is her responsibility to look after you... 'don't think I am insinuating that she isn't, but if you don't tell her what's happened then she can't really do anything. As you say, she may already know what is going on, but is choosing to ignore it/pretend it isn't - you telling her make push her to alter the situation.

It may simply be rememdied by your mum talking to her boyfriend and then you all discussing it through? If however, she does leave him, trust in her and you and your little sister to get through it - there is always a way!

Speak up - action is always the key!

Kinda hard to talk about

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