Does anyone else shun 'obvious' compatibility for mystery? Watch

SaucissonSecCy
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#1
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Like, rejecting obvious comfortable chemistry that is in some ways quite happy making, for something, and it's not even that cliched stuff about a bad or dangerous person, it's just that they create a more unfathomable feeling in you, and it's across more of a divide somehow, you keep going for the mystery element? The example I can give is someone who is not as well balanced, well dressed, conventionally attractive(but they are striking and strong people), together, or professionally successful, but there is something rough hewn, some mystery there that, even though you are not down on the other person, at all, in fact they come above everyone else, they just seem to together and balanced and clean cut in a way, even when they tick your physical attraction boxes all the way, the rough edges and more imperfect and less educated, well set-up, more fought for, and emotionally painful, in places, life of someone else lends them more mystery and makes it more of a conquest?
Could be indicators as trivial as tattoos, increased social network usage ,which yeah, I know is narcissicm, but those things that add to their difference element as well, although clearly the main stuff is what I described. They are just, less like you, so mystery would sustain so much longer, and bonds would be worked at through shared memories, but mystery is retained, surely that's ideal-you want the journey, the effort and the mystery to keep you going, because if it fits too well it's comfort zone and will you grow like that?
Just interesting to see whether that is totally unusual
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Eveiebaby
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(Original post by SaucissonSecCy)
Like, rejecting obvious comfortable chemistry that is in some ways quite happy making, for something, and it's not even that cliched **** about a bad or dangerous person, it's just that they create a more unfathomable feeling in you, and it's across more of a divide somehow, you keep going for the mystery element? The example I can give is someone who is not as well balanced, well dressed, conventionally attractive, together, or professionally successful, but there is something rough hewn, some mystery there that, even though you are not down on the other person, at all, in fact they come above everyone else, they just seem to together and balanced and clean cut in a way, even when they tick your physical attraction boxes all the way, the rough edges and more imperfect and less educated, well set-up, more fought for, and even painful, in places, life of someone else lends them more mystery and makes it more of a conquest?
Just interesting to see whether that is totally unusual
If I was younger then I didn't really think in terms of compatibility and that was because I wasn't thinking long term. I think that as you get older or meet plenty of people like that who you describe as exciting because they are flawed.

This tends to get boring and predictable fast. I think I have less patience for people who arent together and rough. It will only be amplified the longer that you know them.

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SaucissonSecCy
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(Original post by Eveiebaby)

This tends to get boring and predictable fast. I think I have less patience for people who arent together and rough. It will only be amplified the longer that you know them.

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I don't mean that badness thing, or stupidity. I just mean it won't be all pristine and mapped out, like you are so into mental control, that it turns out like being with in your comfort zone for the sake of feeling together, in control, and determining what you like in each other in quite a cool and detached manner, producing, probably an aesthetically pleasing partner, home, a person who is socially competent etc, but it's just a bit stale and you want to dive into someone humanity if they have that interesting mix of pain, toughness, strong emotions, and something a little soulful and wild.
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Eveiebaby
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(Original post by SaucissonSecCy)
I don't mean that badness thing, or stupidity. I just mean it won't be all pristine and mapped out, like you are so into mental control, that it turns out like being with in your comfort zone for the sake of feeling together, in control, and determining what you like in each other in quite a cool and detached manner, producing, probably an aesthetically pleasing partner, home, a person who is socially competent etc, but it's just a bit stale and you want to dive into someone humanity if they have that interesting mix of pain, toughness, strong emotions, and something a little soulful and wild.
But someone compatible to me would be someone who has those wild traits. I'm not by any stretch, a calm person. I would not like to be with someone who has no passion; that is not compatible with me.

I am busy most days with less common hobbies (burlesque) that might raise a few eyebrows, but I also hold down a 9-5 job and have a reasonable, dependable salary. I also like the warehouse party scene which can be pretty hedonistic. I would see myself settling down with someone who has the same interests as me.

Perhaps it depends on what is compatible with the individual in question?

But for me suited professionals are boring and wouldnt fit my lifestyle.
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SaucissonSecCy
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(Original post by Eveiebaby)
But someone compatible to me would be someone who has those wild traits. I'm not by any stretch, a calm person. I would not like to be with someone who has no passion; that is not compatible with me.

I am busy most days with less common hobbies (burlesque) that might raise a few eyebrows, but I also hold down a 9-5 job and have a reasonable, dependable salary. I also like the warehouse party scene which can be pretty hedonistic. I would see myself settling down with someone who has the same interests as me.

Perhaps it depends on what is compatible with the individual in question?

But for me suited professionals are boring and wouldnt fit my lifestyle.
Oh well I suppose I mean that It's not all about what I've grown up, which I do see the good sides, of, but it's not all about financial comfort, calculating so in some ways you are superior and somewhat pristine, there can be something mysterious about unconventionality and not caring about being in fashion-eg living in London- living somewhere ''provincial' instead, not having much money, even painful life experiences that makes a person tough and soulful. They can have magnetism. Obviously it totally depends on individuals, I go for plenty of balanced people, and equally there are so many of what I describe that are utterly boring to me, so i'm not going for it as a type- I think it's when I have an individual soft spot for someone, and they are like this, and have this difference to me-I think this could make me evolve, because I'm in my own rut and need someone to show me other sides to life.
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Eveiebaby
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(Original post by SaucissonSecCy)
Oh well I suppose I mean that It's not all about what I've grown up, which I do see the good sides, of, but it's not all about financial comfort, calculating so in some ways you are superior and somewhat pristine, there can be something mysterious about unconventionality and not caring about being in fashion-eg living in London- living somewhere ''provincial' instead, not having much money, even painful life experiences that makes a person tough and soulful. They can have magnetism. Obviously it totally depends on individuals, I go for plenty of balanced people, and equally there are so many of what I describe that are utterly boring to me, so i'm not going for it as a type- I think it's when I have an individual soft spot for someone, and they are like this, and have this difference to me-I think this could make me evolve, because I'm in my own rut and need someone to show me other sides to life.
Maybe, you've answered your own question here...
The person you've describe above sounds like my idea of a nightmare having lived in both a small town and a big city. It would seem almost regressive and I pardon my arrogance; having been brought up in the country I feel qualified to say that it's boring and nothing ever happens and I'd never go back.

Also I think that the realities of being in a relationship with someone who has had a tough life is a lot different to whatever fantasy of excitement you have. I personally would avoid getting romantically involved who visibly has strong issues of their past that affect their present: It will inevitably leak negatively into the relationship and become emotionally draining for you.

It is possible to meet unconventional people who have their **** together you know. I'd advise you find them!
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SaucissonSecCy
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(Original post by Foo.mp3)
Sure, plenty of people hanker after mystery and an air of unattainability, but quite whether you allow that to prevent you from pursuing connections with those whom demonstrate 'obvious' compatibility is another question entirely. Personally I don't see why the two should necessarily be at odds, but even if that were so, one can always prioritise/come back to other opportunities later, potentially
I don't even mean their unnattainable or 'out of your league', in many respects, accomplishments, finances, dress/class they are 'lower' than someone you could have, but they just have something intangible, mysterious, and it's more than simple sexual chemistry or someone who makes you feel happy, in a simple way, well balanced, amused etc. Something that would last and intrigue. Maybe I am just very odd though, and I am going for inscrutability.
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