How do I make new friends at 27?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
I've had problems in the past throughout my life (which I don't really want to explain) and in the process most of my friends have disappeared and abandoned me. Playing the ignore game. I've decided to move on but I've no idea where to go next.


I need the basics of how to make friends. I've done to the conclusion I'm useless in social situations. How do you make friends when everyone is stuck in their own little circle? Everyone says just go to a bar and say hi to some people but that is pretty frightening to me. I'm always worried about coming across as weird and I always manage to screw something up and accidentally come across as weird. I'm not a crazy really outgoing person and nightclubs really aren't my thing.


How do you actually make friends with people? I have the problem of not having a clue what to talk about during conversations. I struggle so much with convo with a lot of people. I always wonder if it's me or if I have the bad luck of always meeting people I don't click with.


No abuse, harshness and no kicking me while I'm down please. I'm after genuine advice.



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a9493r
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#2
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I think everyone is nervous about chatting to new people...but the more we open up easier it becomes maybe...but maybe you should join hobby groups and clubs to meet friends and socialise....
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weevilface
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've had problems in the past throughout my life (which I don't really want to explain) and in the process most of my friends have disappeared and abandoned me. Playing the ignore game. I've decided to move on but I've no idea where to go next.


I need the basics of how to make friends. I've done to the conclusion I'm useless in social situations. How do you make friends when everyone is stuck in their own little circle? Everyone says just go to a bar and say hi to some people but that is pretty frightening to me. I'm always worried about coming across as weird and I always manage to screw something up and accidentally come across as weird. I'm not a crazy really outgoing person and nightclubs really aren't my thing.


How do you actually make friends with people? I have the problem of not having a clue what to talk about during conversations. I struggle so much with convo with a lot of people. I always wonder if it's me or if I have the bad luck of always meeting people I don't click with.


No abuse, harshness and no kicking me while I'm down please. I'm after genuine advice.



I struggle with exactly the same thing. Since starting a new job I've sort of been trying to force myself to say SOMETHING to people just so that they know I'm friendly and sociable and so that even if it's small talk now, we can be comfortable talking and then progress to talk about other things like common interests.

Asking questions about the other person is always good, because it shows you're interested in them, and adding anecdotes relevant to the conversation lets them get to know you a little better and maybe opens up avenues to other topics of conversation. It's all kind of a game of connecting. Just push yourself that little bit to reply, even if it's just something small in agreement. Even if you only have the tiniest thing to add, that might seem boring, say it!

As for where to meet people, try work, the gym, maybe you have relatives of a similar age who you could go out with and meet some of their friends. Hobby groups or evening classes are always a good shot. Even on Facebook there are groups for people looking for new friends, or groups where people going to concerts look for other people going alone to meet up with.

Good luck! I know how hard it can be
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Guitarded
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm always worried about coming across as weird and I always manage to screw something up and accidentally come across as weird.
Firstly, ask yourself this: What's wrong with coming across as weird? I mean, how does weird stop someone from being liked? Being weird isn't something to be fearful of. Think of friends you've had in the past.... I bet some of them were odd in their own ways.
If the people you meet are decent and open minded (not "omg you like hiking? ur a freak" people) then weird, odd, unusual, are traits to embrace, not fear.

Befriending people is easy, it just takes time. You won't always click with people instantly (I don't, thats for sure). Act interested in what people have to say. Smile. It's easy to come across as a fun person just by the way you speak. Don't nervously say "uh, hi" when you meet a new person. Say "Hey! Hows it going?" =D
If you can pretend to be confident, then you'll look confident, and then you'll feel confident. Speak to everyone you meet. Chat with the old woman at the checkout in asda (you'll make her day and feel better yourself). Chat with customers at work. I'm not saying that'll make friends but it'll build confidence, and help you get into the habit of being chatty with people.

As for actually meeting people to be friends with.... how about going to gigs? Or some place similar where you've got a topic in common to chat about with people. Join a sports club or something. And when you're there, don't be afraid to say hi to people. The worst that can happen is they're not really interested. But then you'll find someone who's interesting, and you can build from there.

Hope that helps a bit! I was pretty much in the same position as you a year ago, have built so much confidence and made a few new friendships just from working on a bar.
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CherryCherryBoomBoom
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Tbh, I've had trouble making new friends at hobby groups and classes, as most people seem to only go there to learn a new skill rather than make any friends - remember they'll probably all have their own established friendship groups, which can be hard to make your way into. Same with the gym. Not to be a downer or anything, but just thought I'd point that out form my own experiences.

OP, what do you do with your life? As in, are you at college, uni, work, what? If so, those can normally be quite good places to make new friends.
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Guitarded
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(Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
Tbh, I've had trouble making new friends at hobby groups and classes, as most people seem to only go there to learn a new skill rather than make any friends
You say that, but every thread and every article I read about where to meet people, hobbie groups/classes/clubs/societies are always mentioned. Now think how many other people out there feel their social life needs building. I bet most groups will have people there hoping to meet others, even if they won't admit it. It depends on what it is of course.... a place like the gym, yeah, people are there to get fit. Why else would anyone subject themselves to burpees That's not to say you can't meet people there though.

Also, meetup.com
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Quiet _One86
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#7
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(Original post by Guitarded)
You say that, but every thread and every article I read about where to meet people, hobbie groups/classes/clubs/societies are always mentioned. Now think how many other people out there feel their social life needs building. I bet most groups will have people there hoping to meet others, even if they won't admit it. It depends on what it is of course.... a place like the gym, yeah, people are there to get fit. Why else would anyone subject themselves to burpees That's not to say you can't meet people there though.

Also, meetup.com
28 here and I second the sign up to joining meet up it helped me to join social groups of my choosing and helped to meet new people and making new friends along the way! I have done so many new things too and pushed myself out of the comfort zone as a process! You'll find something and meet people - pending where you are and how far you're willing to go to meet people then you should be fine!


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SaucissonSecCy
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More people have had problems than you think even ones who should be ok looking etc. I've had them, not all people who want new friends and to move on from the past are freaks, it's quite human I think-you want to evolve a bit, have some more options.
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JoshZ
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#9
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Here is the simplest trick (works better for finding people of the opposite sex to talk to).

Go to a gig or nightclub, something like that and just go up to people, introduce yourself and say you have been ditched by your friends. This instantly gives you something to talk about and makes the person you're talking to more likely to befriend you. As I said, it works better with the opposite sex, in a flirtatious kind of way.
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username418231
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've had problems in the past throughout my life (which I don't really want to explain) and in the process most of my friends have disappeared and abandoned me. Playing the ignore game. I've decided to move on but I've no idea where to go next.


I need the basics of how to make friends. I've done to the conclusion I'm useless in social situations. How do you make friends when everyone is stuck in their own little circle? Everyone says just go to a bar and say hi to some people but that is pretty frightening to me. I'm always worried about coming across as weird and I always manage to screw something up and accidentally come across as weird. I'm not a crazy really outgoing person and nightclubs really aren't my thing.


How do you actually make friends with people? I have the problem of not having a clue what to talk about during conversations. I struggle so much with convo with a lot of people. I always wonder if it's me or if I have the bad luck of always meeting people I don't click with.


No abuse, harshness and no kicking me while I'm down please. I'm after genuine advice.



Have you ever had therapy?
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CherryCherryBoomBoom
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#11
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(Original post by Guitarded)
You say that, but every thread and every article I read about where to meet people, hobbie groups/classes/clubs/societies are always mentioned. Now think how many other people out there feel their social life needs building. I bet most groups will have people there hoping to meet others, even if they won't admit it. It depends on what it is of course.... a place like the gym, yeah, people are there to get fit. Why else would anyone subject themselves to burpees That's not to say you can't meet people there though.

Also, meetup.com
I'm aware that every thread and article about meeting people seems to mention joining hobby clubs, but I'm also aware from my own experience that it doesn't always work. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't still bother joining them just because of that, I'm just saying you might be disappointed if that's your sole intention. I'd say, join a class or do an activity because you genuinely have an interest in it, and if you happen to make friends from it, then great!

I've never got round to meeting up with anyone from meetup.com, but I've had a browse around it and it looks a good site. There's also couchsurfing.com, which is primarily for finding people's couches to sleep on when you're travelling, but you can also use it just to meet new people to hang out with, which I've managed to do a couple of times. I personally think sites like those are better methods for meeting new people, as you know they obviously want to meet new people since they are basically spelling it out in all the threads they make on there, ha
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