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    Apologies if you've seen this before.These are the things people actually said in US courts, taken down and published by court reporters - who suffered the torment of trying to keep straight faces while these exchanges were taking place. Some of these are excellent; don't miss the last one.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
    all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
    you've forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
    when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
    in voodoo or The occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know anything about it until the next
    morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception [of the baby] was August
    8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
    dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did
    you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8.30 pm.
    Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
    doing an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
    check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
    you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But the patient could still have been alive,
    nevertheless?
    A: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practising law somewhere.
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    [Prosecution addressing defendant]: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go also, would she have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

    [Defence counsel]: That question should be taken outside and shot.
 
 
 
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