**** Buddy- Can You Be Conned Into It?!

Ok, I'm in a peculiar situation and I can't find any suitable posts which relate to my situation so I've decided to post...

Ok, I met this guy in a club last November, who is utterly gorgeous, so was pleased when he took my number. We're both at University, but separate ones within the same city. We met up for drinks a couple of weeks before the Xmas holidays and it went really well, ie he text me when we'd both returned home to say he'd had a good time, wanted to meet again. Over the Xmas holidays, we returned to our separate home addresses. During this time, he text me very late on New Years Eve telling me he was looking forward to seeing me and did this frequently.

On one January evening, I received a text from 'him' asking how I was, I replied. He then replied with "what are you wearing?", to which I replied that he shouldn't be asking that! I had suspected that it wasnt his writing style, and this was confirmed when he text two hours later having checked his sent items, telling me that his friends had got hold of his phone. What exactly would he have been telling them so soon into our relationship that would prompt his friends to do this?

o, I return to Uni, and we go out. I eventually get an invite to his on a Sunday evening, just a pizza and film kind of thing, and he rented a film he had remembered I had liked during a conversation on our first date. We end up having a bit of a kiss and a cuddle, and I tell him that I'm not ready for anything like that. He said that we "wouldnt do anything I wasn't ready for and that he hadnt invited me round with the intention to sleep with me". I went round his at least 6 times over the course of two months with a lot of meeting, tlking and texting in between befoe we did eventually sleep together, and let's just say that he was very, er, unselfish and keen to please.

But I still felt as though we hadn't really had 'the talk' yet. So, the next time I saw him, I asked him if he was seeing anyone else. He jokingly replied that he was seeing five others but then said "well i'm not with you, i'm keeping my options open just like you are".

So from that moment, completely out of the blue, I became a **** buddy. (cringe). Nothing prior to this had indicated that this was the case.

We continued to meet up regualarly, except Id just go round to his. He made it clear that I was the only person he was seeing and he had no reason to lie. He suspected that I wanted more, but Id always reassure him that I didnt, sad I know. So throughout the summer I visited him regularly. Now, the thing that bugs me is that we're very close, and know pretty much everything about each other. I've had a few problems this years with the daeth of my mother and he's been the among the most supportive. His housemates joke that 'we're a fake couple' because we appear so close, and they've often told me how he tells them he cares about me.

When I returned from Uni, he told me that he doesn't want to continue sleeping with me and wants to 'be friends', saying that we should still meet up as much, go for dinner and you can come round etc, but not sleep together. We met up last week and had a really nice evening and have since text, but I cant understand all these 'change of heart' situations he goes through.

I cant fathom whether he liked me at first, then changed his mind and decided I wasnt good as a girlfriend? In which case I cant understand why he'd want to stop sleeping with me when he doesnt even want me as a girlfriend, and well as the old saying dicates, men think about sex a lot...

In short, I'm just seeking interpretations on his actions. So confused, but i must make it clear that i absolutely adore him, although this is only the result of his actions. He's never done anything to hurt me, before those suggestions are raised.

Thank you in advance for any replies x

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Reply 1

G4ry

Tell him how you feel if you want it to go further. If all he wanted at the begining was sex it seems like he went through a lot of work to get it when he could have easily gone to a club and picked up some girl for the night so i don't think he used you in that way. Maybe things have changed in his life for him and he just hasn't got the time at the moment for a girlfriend or he can't commit, or has been hurt recently. A multitude of possibilities that can only be answered by him really.

Reply 2

Carl

You seem completely neurotic. You don't seem to have done anything wrong, and he seems like a good guy. It's a tough break that you've broken up but I think it's best not to dwell on it and move on. There are other nice guys, honest.

EDIT: on second thoughts perhaps I'm being a bit harsh.

Reply 3

justbrowsing

She's got a point; why would hewant anything to do with her if he doesn't want a girlfriend and he doesn't want sex? If he doesn't want her as a girlfriend, why would he want her as a friend? I think that's what anons getting at?

Reply 4

Carl

you could be right actually. perhaps my first post is a bit harsh.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Exactly my point, thank you. It just trikes me as an odd situation and I cant figure out his feelings on the matter, and was just wondering if they were obvious to a stranger.

Reply 6

username47781

It could be i might be wrong though, he may well have had his cake now and moved on.

Reply 7

squigaletta

Maybe he doesn't feel ready for a relationship at the moment and because he cares about you (as he says he does) he wants to treat you with more respect that having you as a **** buddy. I think that would explain it.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Carl1982

It could be i might be wrong though, he may well have had his cake now and moved on.

I suspected that may be the case, if so, why doesnt he just stop texting as if we've been friends for years?

Your comment is just what i'd like to say to him, in an ideal world..

Reply 9

username47781

You may wanna ask him exactly where you stand because he is sending out confusing signs to you.

Reply 10

Sounded pretty simple to me, he just wants to be good friends with you. It sounds as though you wanted a relationship while he didn't, and that he simply couldn't really help himself in the heat of the moment. Now he's had time to think he has probably realised that he's messing you around but really values your company/friendship.

Reply 11

Zoecb

What you are describing has nothing to do with the term '**** buddy'.

A **** buddy arrangement is mutually decided on before it is entered into.

You're describing a complicated relationship thing, which has nothing to do with people being **** buddies.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Thank you for your reply, but what exactly do you mean? x

Reply 13

a_t

Well since he says he doesn't wanna sleep with you anymore he's not a **** buddy, a **** buddy is a friend you regularly sleep with (I think). And you only did the deed once.

He doesn't want sex though, all he wants is to be your normal buddy :smile:

If you want more though, you should tell him so he knows

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

No! We regularly slept together from March until three weeks ago when he told me he wanted to be friends, and has since been behaving as though we never had that arangement in the first place. He didn't even bring up the topic when we met, we just had one of our bloody conversations where talk about every intimate detail of our lives! Not that I'm getting mildly irritated about the situation!

Thank you for all your replies by the way

Reply 15

a_t

Sorry

didn't wanna get you pissed off lol

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Bless you, but no, i'm not pissed off at you! x

Reply 17

Zoecb

Anonymous

Thank you for your reply, but what exactly do you mean? x

Who was that directed at?

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

hi zoecb, I meant your post x

Reply 19

Zoecb

I meant that your thread title has nothing whatsoever to do with your post and is in fact a contradiciton in terms.

No-one can 'con' you into being their **** buddy because if you don't know that what you're doing is being **** buddies, then that is not what you are.