Boyfriend doesn't text me, LDR Watch

OhhNo
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#1
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I was with my boyfriend for 4 months then we broke up shortly after he started uni this September (I start uni next year as I am a year younger), he initially said it was the distance (his uni is 2 hours away).
We broke up via text and I didn't see him for a month, then we were both at the same party and ended up getting back together after it. He also said that the real reason why he broke it off with me was because 'he didn't think he was good enough'
We've been together a month since then.
It was all good but over the past week he seems to be slipping back into him not texting me/talking to me often at all, like he used to do this too, for the past week I've put off texting him first and he doesn't text me, once I do text later on he replies and we'll have a conversation and it'll be all good but also in the last week he's just ended conversations with no warning at all and not text me until I text him at like 7pm the next day. Today I didn't text him and he hasn't text me at all and it's 10pm.
Is it too much of me to want a good morning or goodnight or just a short conversation/skype call daily? Like ideally I'd want more but I understand that he has other things to do too, but 10 minutes wouldn't hurt surely, or just texting me good morning and asking how I'm doing or whatever. Am I overreacting? I really care about him and he says he really cares about me but I just feel like I can't take him not communicating well especially considering the distance, it was bad enough when he was within walking distance that he didn't text, but now he's a couple of hours away so I barely see him in person



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pinkbullets
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When you're in an LDR, you need to have good communication in order for the relationship to survive. You're not expecting too much, I'm not surprised that you're annoyed and you need to talk to him, ideally face to face so you can get your point across in a calm and concise manner. Tell him he's making you feel like he can't be bothered to make time for you, you understand he's busy and adjusting to university life but you're his girlfriend and you expect him to make twenty minutes a day for you. If he can stick to that, then great. If not, then I think you need to seriously reevaluate whether the relationship is worth it. It's not fair for you to be strung along and he's already messed you around enough. The whole 'I'm not good enough for you' thing is an excuse people give when they know they've screwed up.
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OhhNo
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(Original post by pinkbullets)
When you're in an LDR, you need to have good communication in order for the relationship to survive. You're not expecting too much, I'm not surprised that you're annoyed and you need to talk to him, ideally face to face so you can get your point across in a calm and concise manner. Tell him he's making you feel like he can't be bothered to make time for you, you understand he's busy and adjusting to university life but you're his girlfriend and you expect him to make twenty minutes a day for you. If he can stick to that, then great. If not, then I think you need to seriously reevaluate whether the relationship is worth it. It's not fair for you to be strung along and he's already messed you around enough. The whole 'I'm not good enough for you' thing is an excuse people give when they know they've screwed up.
I've told him how I feel about it, I told him when we were together the last time and he'd have a day or two of it being good then he'd go straight back, before he broke up with me I was on my way to break up with him because of the poor communication because it was ridiculous, for 3 days he'd text me like two messages at 9pm and I'd initiate a serious conversation then he'd cut off and wouldn't text back until 9 the next night, happened again the next night and the day after that I went to break up with him, that was the worst but then it was pretty bad throughout after the first month or so
I told him how I feel about it again yesterday and he apologised and said he'd 'work on it' but then today, 1 day later, he hasn't made any effort to communicate with me at all
And it's not like I'm saying he has to text, he can call, skype, whatever I don't even care but he just doesn't do anything but he says he really cares about me and it seems like he means it apart from stuff like this and I don't know what to think


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Calpurnia
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(Original post by OhhNo)
I've told him how I feel about it, I told him when we were together the last time and he'd have a day or two of it being good then he'd go straight back, before he broke up with me I was on my way to break up with him because of the poor communication because it was ridiculous, for 3 days he'd text me like two messages at 9pm and I'd initiate a serious conversation then he'd cut off and wouldn't text back until 9 the next night, happened again the next night and the day after that I went to break up with him, that was the worst but then it was pretty bad throughout after the first month or so
I told him how I feel about it again yesterday and he apologised and said he'd 'work on it' but then today, 1 day later, he hasn't made any effort to communicate with me at all
And it's not like I'm saying he has to text, he can call, skype, whatever I don't even care but he just doesn't do anything but he says he really cares about me and it seems like he means it apart from stuff like this and I don't know what to think


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It's a very difficult situation because what else can you do? If you do nothing, you get nothing back, if you voice concerns, you get nothing back. But you'd have to be crazy to leave someone you love who says they're trying.

I really feel for you and hope it gets better. It sounds like you're doing everything right. Of course there's the "find someone better" line of thinking but I know that's not helpful when you're really into a person.
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Uw0tm8_
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It seems like he's using you
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SophieSmall
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Your boyfriend sounds exactly like my ex in the sense of "i'm trying" and "i'm sorry, i'm trying" but then does absolutely nothing to try at all. Honestly I think you already know this relationship won't work out, it's very one sided and he doesn't seem to care at all from the information you've given.
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Anonymous #1
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I was in a very similar situation (LDR, 2 hours away) and it was so hard. My boyfriend would suggest I was needy so it was really hard to talk to him about it. Once I decided to see how long it would take him to text me and I didn't hear from him for 3 days - and the silence only ended because I got worried and called him! And he didn't like phone conversations or Skype so text was all we had. It was pretty rubbishy.

I can't offer you much advice because he ended up breaking things off with me, and although it was upsetting it was probably a good thing because the relationship ultimately caused more headaches than happiness. If he's not making the effort now, though, he's unlikely to really change. Is that enough for you?
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Kenocide
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I'm just going to throw this out there as something to think about based on my own experience - whether it is relevant to your situation is probably for you to judge.

Some people, primarily guys, just aren't suited to the level of communication required in a long distance relationship. In these cases, it's not that the guy doesn't like or care about the girl, but that he struggles to enjoy distant forms of communication. For him, texts, phone calls and facebook messages are simply no match for the intimacy and enjoyment of face-to-face interaction in one another's physical presence. This isn't anybody's fault, it's just unfortunate. But it does happen. And it can also explain why the guy doesn't seem to make much of an effort to get in contact very often - because he doesn't enjoy it very much (although this does not mean that he doesn't enjoy or care for you)

Like I said, it's just something to think about.
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stargirl63
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my ex was like this, and I was way more stubborn than you. I would literally wait until he texted me....so had roughly 4-5 days a week without one word spoken to each other. It's not the way a relationship is supposed to be.

Because this is LDR, there are some people who simply can't do it. It's the reason why many don't work...it's all fun and games when you're both living on each others door step, but when there's genuine effort that needs to be put in, its surprising how many fail. I'd say end it - because tbh, what are you going to miss? His once daily text? pffft
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BlueSheep32
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My boyfriend hates texting, and often won't reply to other people for days, but he makes an effort to reply to me within a few hours because it's the main way we communicate (don't have much time for Skype or phone calls because of work/uni). We did have problems with this at one point because I have anxiety and when it was really bad it would be triggered by him not texting for a while (and still is, much to my annoyance) and I'd tell him this but for ages he wouldn't do anything about it, just moan and say "but texting's so much of an effort". Eventually though I think he realised it would help things if he did reply more and now he tries to reply regularly or if he can't because he's at work or busy with something will say he's busy but he'll talk to me later, and I do the same.

Every couple is different, and some communicate more than others in an LDR - there's no right or wrong way to go about things, but the important thing is to have an amount of communication that both of you are happy with, and you're not here and it's an issue. Even if he's busy, he could surely find time somewhere to message you or give you a quick phone call. I don't really know what to suggest, don't be too hopeful every time he says he's trying though because it doesn't seem like he is really. It's up to you what you do, but you don't seem to be too happy with things the way they are and it might not be worth continuing with things if you're going to be long distance for a while.
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Tootles
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(Original post by pinkbullets)
When you're in an LDR, you need to have good communication in order for the relationship to survive. You're not expecting too much, I'm not surprised that you're annoyed and you need to talk to him, ideally face to face so you can get your point across in a calm and concise manner. Tell him he's making you feel like he can't be bothered to make time for you, you understand he's busy and adjusting to university life but you're his girlfriend and you expect him to make twenty minutes a day for you. If he can stick to that, then great. If not, then I think you need to seriously reevaluate whether the relationship is worth it. It's not fair for you to be strung along and he's already messed you around enough. The whole 'I'm not good enough for you' thing is an excuse people give when they know they've screwed up.
This. My girlfriend and I are long-distance and we're texting/messaging a lot of the time, talking about this and that. On days when we haven't texted so much we'll Skype - sometimes we Skype anyway because we like hearing each other's voices.

If you're long-distance and you're not communicationg then you're negating the relationship, when all's said and done.
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Anonymous #2
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yeah i have this problem, my boyfriend went away to uni so were long distance but he doesnt seem to want to talk to me i find it intresting really, he'll not talk to me for like a week come back talk to me for like 20 mins then i dont hear much from him till a week later ,or if i go see him (he'll send me quick replys to things i ask when i try to start a convo) , he doesnt like talking on the phone and he doesnt like texting so facebook is the only real way to communicate i talk to him about it but he lies and says he'll talk to me more, not much i can do about it tbh. Im moving closer to him next year so i dont think he'll be able to ignore me for long (we've been together 5 years were happy just communication errors)
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