The Student Room Group

coming out!

i don't know if there that many threads on this subject on this on here!

i'm gay, and although, i partially come out as bisexual to many of my freinds and one of my brothers, i can't keep being gay secret any more.

only a hand full of my freinds no that i'm gay, or that i strongly belive that i'm gay. i just dont know how to come out fully! i'm a very shy person, and i'm so scared of dropping a bombshell, that could result in me losing alot of freinds, especially as i cant stand the thought of being disliked.

sorry im rambling!

i just cant seem to find the words or pluck up the courage to come out to my freinds and family as gay. :frown:
Reply 1
oh come on, your friends and family like you for who you are, not your sexuality. just bloody tell them. i'm dubious as to the importance to do the whole big 'coming out' thing though. just get boyfriends, don't join in the heterosexual banter, and people will soon get the idea.
Reply 2
They can accept it or lose you.
Im sure your a lovely person and the former will be inevitable :hugs:
Reply 3
You're not giving people enough credit, they're usually quite tolerant in this country.
Reply 4
I know how hard it is *read my profile* but you feel so much better once you've done it and as someone once told me "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" :smile:
Reply 5
chewwy
oh come on, your friends and family like you for who you are, not your sexuality. just bloody tell them. i'm dubious as to the importance to do the whole big 'coming out' thing though. just get boyfriends, don't join in the heterosexual banter, and people will soon get the idea.

i dont take part in banter any way!
Reply 6
President Jesus
They can accept it or lose you.
Im sure your a lovely person and the later will be inevitable :hugs:


... don't you mean the former? or did i completely misunderstand your comment? it's been a long day :redface:
Reply 7
zeebiatch
... don't you mean the former? or did i completely misunderstand your comment? it's been a long day :redface:

aha yeah.
am uber poorly and not with it.

Op: sorry if i sounded like a bitch, I ment former :p:
Reply 8
President Jesus
aha yeah.
am uber poorly and not with it.

Op: sorry if i sounded like a bitch, I ment former :p:

i didn't think you were a bitch, i know what you meant! :smile: :hugs:
Reply 9
mate just think of it as there are loads of gay and lesbian people in this country alone it doesnt mean your different or anything its just like some people like salt and vinegar crisps, some people play tennis, and some people are gay. The vast majority of people you meet will be fine with it and will probably think your all the more interesting for it. I dont nkow what your families like but even if it is a bit of shock at first for them, your their son! they will love you no matter what trust me. And you will feel about ten times better after coming out as well it must be hard having this what you think is such a big secret, when really, its not that big at all!
Reply 10
I just waited until uni to come out properly. Everyone at school just assumed I was gay, and by year 12/13 lots of my friends got the confirmation they'd been waiting for since I was like 5.

Don't go around telling people you're bisexual if you're gay though. I did that at first with schoolmates and then I kind of had to explain that in fact I was just gay.

Good luck with it but it's way easier than you might think. I'm not actually out to my family yet. Bugger I just remembered.
One of my mate's came out when we left school, and as far as I know didn't lose any friends over it. That said, we all knew anyway, he was so freakin' camp, heheh.
RR
Everyone at school just assumed I was gay, and by year 12/13 lots of my friends got the confirmation they'd been waiting for since I was like 5.


Out of interest, is that an exaggeration, or did you really act in a way which could identify your likely later sexual tendencies when you were 5? I wouldn't have thought there would be anything observable suggesting sexual preference either way before the onset of puberty.
Chumbaniya
Out of interest, is that an exaggeration, or did you really act in a way which could identify your likely later sexual tendencies when you were 5? I wouldn't have thought there would be anything observable suggesting sexual preference either way before the onset of puberty.


Not that I'd have picked up on it at the time, but in retrospect I'd say my gay friend was obviously gay from about age 7 or so.
Reply 14
Anonymous
i don't know if there that many threads on this subject on this on here!

i'm gay, and although, i partially come out as bisexual to many of my freinds and one of my brothers, i can't keep being gay secret any more.

only a hand full of my freinds no that i'm gay, or that i strongly belive that i'm gay. i just dont know how to come out fully! i'm a very shy person, and i'm so scared of dropping a bombshell, that could result in me losing alot of freinds, especially as i cant stand the thought of being disliked.

sorry im rambling!

i just cant seem to find the words or pluck up the courage to come out to my freinds and family as gay. :frown:


Your family and close friends will love you for who you are. It might be a slight shock but its still you and you've always been that way. Your family will still love and support you. Your mates probably won't care - my best mate "came out" a while ago, the conversation was basically:
Him: "I'm gay, do you mind that, does it bother you?"
Me: "No"

That was that! Just be yourself! Be clear and to the point and you won't feel silly and they won't probe. :smile:
Reply 15
thank you guys!
I have to say, it's an amazing feeling when everything's out in the open, and you don't have to wrry anymore hehe.

I told my mum when we were on holiday, we were in the hotel lounge having a drink, and both a little tipsy, and I just told her basically, and she laughed and said (very loudly I might add) "Aaah, I bet you fancy that Justin Timberlake don't you!" After swiflty leaving the lounge and several staring guests, we went back to the room and talked about it seriously, and I actually cried with relief after having gotten it out.
Eb
They can accept it or lose you.
Im sure your a lovely person and the former will be inevitable :hugs:


Its not that easy! Trust me!
having the same issue right now , im "out" with my best friend and peole at college, but with a very upright christian family and all that explaining to the parents will be difficult..
in your case however i would suggest before telling people your gay find out how they really feel about your being bi, would make it a whole lot easier on yourself

much love and good luck! x
Coming out, I assume, would be a lot easier than people think.

People are very tolerant in this age and fortunately we all have friends who like us for who we are, not out sexual preference. If you are gay, they will learn to accept it. It's seen as a characteristic by a lot of people, just the same as whether people think you're funny or charismatic. It's really nothing to worry about! I have a couple of friends who are gay and everyone who knows them seems completely relaxed around them. There's no hetero-homosexual tension or anything.

Personally, I wouldn't go around telling everyone. Just the people you trust, and the people you are closest to. I'm talking about your best friends here, and the people you hang around with outside of school/college/work.

Coming out to your family can be much more difficult, I imagine. If you want my advice; just come out with it. Your family obviously will love you no matter what, and they will accept it. You'll feel better for getting it off your chest and it might even help your relationships with friends and family!

Best of luck.