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    I just started at uni of Edinburgh a few months ago and I have no friends. Everyone here is British but I am the only foreign guy here . I haven't met a single Turkish guy at my uni. I used to live in London for 3 years and the atmosphere there so was much more diverse. I had friends and we went out every once in a while although even back then I wasn't that social.
    But now I literally have NO one and I am getting really depressed. I spend days at my room watching family guy and Southpark. I do not even go to my lectures anymore I became very withdrawn. People don't ask me out, they are v. cold with me when I am talking to them and some even ignore me.

    Why does the society exclude people? I don't know what it wrong with me. I have black hair and brown eyes but I am white. And my English is quite good. I almost dont have an accent. I don't think people are racist towards me they just dont like me. I am quite ugly but I am not scary. My nose isn't too big and my ears aren't pointy. I am short at about 5' 7'' and skinny but I don't I am revoltingly ugly. I wear designer clothing and shave and cut my hair nicely to compensate for my ugliness a little.

    I think it is just that they don't enjoy hanging out and I respect that. It is their choice to go out with me or not. My question is how can I not be so boring? How can I make people like me? I am so quite when I am around people and I don't know what to say. I feel uncomfortable when a person I don't know joins but I talk more around people I know. I cannot be funny because I don't know how to. Sometimes I struggle to understand what some people say because Scottish accent is a bit unfamiliar to me and I can't even join the conversation in those instances.
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    Come on, don't beat yourself up about it! I'm sure your a nice guy but maybe you might come across as being somebody who wants to keep themselves to themselves which is why people might not be approaching you or speaking to you. All you have to do is just approach someone and speak to them. If you have lectures, go sit next to someone you don't know and just start talking to them - you'll find it gets easier as the conversation gets going. I've done this myself and I was a little scared and nervous but I went for it and it was fine, helped me meet a lot of people too.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just started at uni of Edinburgh a few months ago and I have no friends. Everyone here is British but I am the only foreign guy here . I haven't met a single Turkish guy at my uni. I used to live in London for 3 years and the atmosphere there so was much more diverse. I had friends and we went out every once in a while although even back then I wasn't that social.
    But now I literally have NO one and I am getting really depressed. I spend days at my room watching family guy and Southpark. I do not even go to my lectures anymore I became very withdrawn. People don't ask me out, they are v. cold with me when I am talking to them and some even ignore me.

    Why does the society exclude people? I don't know what it wrong with me. I have black hair and brown eyes but I am white. And my English is quite good. I almost dont have an accent. I don't think people are racist towards me they just dont like me. I am quite ugly but I am not scary. My nose isn't too big and my ears aren't pointy. I am short at about 5' 7'' and skinny but I don't I am revoltingly ugly. I wear designer clothing and shave and cut my hair nicely to compensate for my ugliness a little.

    I think it is just that they don't enjoy hanging out and I respect that. It is their choice to go out with me or not. My question is how can I not be so boring? How can I make people like me? I am so quite when I am around people and I don't know what to say. I feel uncomfortable when a person I don't know joins but I talk more around people I know. I cannot be funny because I don't know how to. Sometimes I struggle to understand what some people say because Scottish accent is a bit unfamiliar to me and I can't even join the conversation in those instances.
    That sounds really rough, sorry to hear you're going through that. Are you a part of any societies at all? Maybe Edinburgh has a Turkish society or something, otherwise there are bound to be loads to cater to less nationality-based interests. It's going to be tough to come out of your shell but it's a necessary evil, unfortunately. Hopefully you can find some common ground with a few people and feel less isolated, because that's one of the worst feelings in the world.

    You can get through this, but you'll need to put in the effort. It'll be worth it in the end!

    Yours,
    Grey
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    (Original post by ThenameisGrey)
    That sounds really rough, sorry to hear you're going through that. Are you a part of any societies at all? Maybe Edinburgh has a Turkish society or something, otherwise there are bound to be loads to cater to less nationality-based interests. It's going to be tough to come out of your shell but it's a necessary evil, unfortunately. Hopefully you can find some common ground with a few people and feel less isolated, because that's one of the worst feelings in the world.

    You can get through this, but you'll need to put in the effort. It'll be worth it in the end!

    Yours,
    Grey
    Thank you for being so nice. I think everyone dislikes me and I can't find out why. For example, I met this Dutch guy at the library a couple of weeks ago and we had a really nice conversation about hippies and Amsterdam and 13th Floor Elevators etc... (hippie stuff). I added him on FB and he accpepted my friend request but when I saw him again next week he was so ignoring me for no reason. Literally, I didnt say a thing that could have offended him in that week. I didnt even see him for a week but he just ignored me for no good reason. It is like everyone and everything is ignoring me. Even on Tinder they ignore me. I think because I expect people to ignore me then they do. I saw this girl outside the lecture hall and she was looking at me like she was interested. When I went inside the lecture hall, she sat next to me and introduced herself but after the lecture she too just ignored me and left. Completely changed her attitude by the end of the lecture. Do you know why that happens?
    I like to go out and meet people but I am worried about saying something stupid and messing things up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just started at uni of Edinburgh a few months ago and I have no friends. Everyone here is British but I am the only foreign guy here . I haven't met a single Turkish guy at my uni. I used to live in London for 3 years and the atmosphere there so was much more diverse. I had friends and we went out every once in a while although even back then I wasn't that social.
    But now I literally have NO one and I am getting really depressed. I spend days at my room watching family guy and Southpark. I do not even go to my lectures anymore I became very withdrawn. People don't ask me out, they are v. cold with me when I am talking to them and some even ignore me.

    Why does the society exclude people? I don't know what it wrong with me. I have black hair and brown eyes but I am white. And my English is quite good. I almost dont have an accent. I don't think people are racist towards me they just dont like me. I am quite ugly but I am not scary. My nose isn't too big and my ears aren't pointy. I am short at about 5' 7'' and skinny but I don't I am revoltingly ugly. I wear designer clothing and shave and cut my hair nicely to compensate for my ugliness a little.

    I think it is just that they don't enjoy hanging out and I respect that. It is their choice to go out with me or not. My question is how can I not be so boring? How can I make people like me? I am so quite when I am around people and I don't know what to say. I feel uncomfortable when a person I don't know joins but I talk more around people I know. I cannot be funny because I don't know how to. Sometimes I struggle to understand what some people say because Scottish accent is a bit unfamiliar to me and I can't even join the conversation in those instances.
    Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure your a very nice person , just try it takes time. I'm sure they are other people like you who feel as If they haven't fully settled or made friends yet.

    Try and join some uni societies - you'll get to know people that way and may find a new hobby!

    As for you feeling down, attend your lectures etc, your education is important and don't forget you worked damn hard to get into this uni and you'll enjoy your uni experience just try and stay positive, I know is hard being told all this. I think you may have low self esteem, but don't let that prevent you from doing the things you want. If you do feel down I recommend seeing a doctor just so you don't feel depressed .

    You will definitely make friends I can guarantee that, just stay positive maybe start off just talking to people on your course or if you live in student accommodation talk to people there.

    Hope this helps
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    Isn't there quite a good international students society? Maybe visit the international cafe? I knew some people that volunteer there and they all seem really friendly.
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    (Original post by smile43)
    Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure your a very nice person , just try it takes time. I'm sure they are other people like you who feel as If they haven't fully settled or made friends yet.

    Try and join some uni societies - you'll get to know people that way and may find a new hobby!

    As for you feeling down, attend your lectures etc, your education is important and don't forget you worked damn hard to get into this uni and you'll enjoy your uni experience just try and stay positive, I know is hard being told all this. I think you may have low self esteem, but don't let that prevent you from doing the things you want. If you do feel down I recommend seeing a doctor just so you don't feel depressed .

    You will definitely make friends I can guarantee that, just stay positive maybe start off just talking to people on your course or if you live in student accommodation talk to people there.

    Hope this helps
    Thank you so much. You know depression is a very funny condition. You complain of loneliness but refuse to get involved with other people because of disparity or the fear of rejection. I really have to make changes in my life because this is supposed to be the best time of my life not the most agonising.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for being so nice. I think everyone dislikes me and I can't find out why. For example, I met this Dutch guy at the library a couple of weeks ago and we had a really nice conversation about hippies and Amsterdam and 13th Floor Elevators etc... (hippie stuff). I added him on FB and he accpepted my friend request but when I saw him again next week he was so ignoring me for no reason. Literally, I didnt say a thing that could have offended him in that week. I didnt even see him for a week but he just ignored me for no good reason. It is like everyone and everything is ignoring me. Even on Tinder they ignore me. I think because I expect people to ignore me then they do. I saw this girl outside the lecture hall and she was looking at me like she was interested. When I went inside the lecture hall, she sat next to me and introduced herself but after the lecture she too just ignored me and left. Completely changed her attitude by the end of the lecture. Do you know why that happens?
    I like to go out and meet people but I am worried about saying something stupid and messing things up.
    I agree with the advice everyone else is also giving you, as a quick little side note.

    Regarding you being worried about saying something stupid, that's going to be inevitable in any sort of preliminary discussion: if you don't know the person, you don't know what they might find funny, distasteful, interesting etc.. The only way to get past that is to try, otherwise you're never going to have any results whatsoever: you may well say something stupid but just take it as experience! I know I've felt beyond embarrassed when I've maybe made a joke that goes over everybody's heads, but I then know what not to do the next time!

    As for people that you strike up a conversation with who later ignore you, maybe they're in a similar situation to you? Maybe they enjoyed the conversation too, but they're just as worried they'll muck it up by having another conversation and so take what they have and run. Sometimes, as hard as it is, you're going to need to be the one to initiate discussion again. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't, but it will always let you improve your conversational skills and that alone is reason enough to try it.

    Yours,
    Grey
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    I found a lot of international students at uni kept to themselves, so it could be that people just assume you aren't interested in socialising with them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for being so nice. I think everyone dislikes me and I can't find out why. For example, I met this Dutch guy at the library a couple of weeks ago and we had a really nice conversation about hippies and Amsterdam and 13th Floor Elevators etc... (hippie stuff). I added him on FB and he accpepted my friend request but when I saw him again next week he was so ignoring me for no reason. Literally, I didnt say a thing that could have offended him in that week. I didnt even see him for a week but he just ignored me for no good reason. It is like everyone and everything is ignoring me. Even on Tinder they ignore me. I think because I expect people to ignore me then they do. I saw this girl outside the lecture hall and she was looking at me like she was interested. When I went inside the lecture hall, she sat next to me and introduced herself but after the lecture she too just ignored me and left. Completely changed her attitude by the end of the lecture. Do you know why that happens?
    I like to go out and meet people but I am worried about saying something stupid and messing things up.
    Don't take these things personally. I've met people at university too but sometimes I don't say hi to them at the start of lectures even though I see them, because I'm usually quite tired, or I feel like I don't want to disturb them as they might be meeting other friends, or sometimes I just want to text on my phone or something. It doesn't mean I like that person any less, just that I don't feel like talking at that moment.

    I love foreign guys at uni haha, unfortunately, most of the time they speak in their own language so I don't know what they are saying so can't join in, but sometimes I talk to them, and because they aren't from the UK, we have quite interesting conversations about what their country is like and how it's different to where I live and I wouldn't be able to have these sorts of conversations with other people I know so it makes them that much more special.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much. You know depression is a very funny condition. You complain of loneliness but refuse to get involved with other people because of disparity or the fear of rejection. I really have to make changes in my life because this is supposed to be the best time of my life not the most agonising.
    Your welcome x
    That's right -Stay positive, see your talking to people??? Now just do this when you're at uni.

    I respect that about depression, I mean it's hard for people who have it, stay positive and you can
    Hopefully over come it.
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    Lol to OP implying being a colour other than white is grounds for social exclusion/acceptance

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just started at uni of Edinburgh a few months ago and I have no friends. Everyone here is British but I am the only foreign guy here . I haven't met a single Turkish guy at my uni. I used to live in London for 3 years and the atmosphere there so was much more diverse. I had friends and we went out every once in a while although even back then I wasn't that social.
    But now I literally have NO one and I am getting really depressed. I spend days at my room watching family guy and Southpark. I do not even go to my lectures anymore I became very withdrawn. People don't ask me out, they are v. cold with me when I am talking to them and some even ignore me.

    Why does the society exclude people? I don't know what it wrong with me. I have black hair and brown eyes but I am white. And my English is quite good. I almost dont have an accent. I don't think people are racist towards me they just dont like me. I am quite ugly but I am not scary. My nose isn't too big and my ears aren't pointy. I am short at about 5' 7'' and skinny but I don't I am revoltingly ugly. I wear designer clothing and shave and cut my hair nicely to compensate for my ugliness a little.

    I think it is just that they don't enjoy hanging out and I respect that. It is their choice to go out with me or not. My question is how can I not be so boring? How can I make people like me? I am so quite when I am around people and I don't know what to say. I feel uncomfortable when a person I don't know joins but I talk more around people I know. I cannot be funny because I don't know how to. Sometimes I struggle to understand what some people say because Scottish accent is a bit unfamiliar to me and I can't even join the conversation in those instances.
    (Original post by diggy)
    Lol to OP implying being a colour other than white is grounds for social exclusion/acceptance

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    ..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just started at uni of Edinburgh a few months ago and I have no friends. Everyone here is British but I am the only foreign guy here . I haven't met a single Turkish guy at my uni. I used to live in London for 3 years and the atmosphere there so was much more diverse. I had friends and we went out every once in a while although even back then I wasn't that social.
    But now I literally have NO one and I am getting really depressed. I spend days at my room watching family guy and Southpark. I do not even go to my lectures anymore I became very withdrawn. People don't ask me out, they are v. cold with me when I am talking to them and some even ignore me.

    Why does the society exclude people? I don't know what it wrong with me. I have black hair and brown eyes but I am white. And my English is quite good. I almost dont have an accent. I don't think people are racist towards me they just dont like me. I am quite ugly but I am not scary. My nose isn't too big and my ears aren't pointy. I am short at about 5' 7'' and skinny but I don't I am revoltingly ugly. I wear designer clothing and shave and cut my hair nicely to compensate for my ugliness a little.

    I think it is just that they don't enjoy hanging out and I respect that. It is their choice to go out with me or not. My question is how can I not be so boring? How can I make people like me? I am so quite when I am around people and I don't know what to say. I feel uncomfortable when a person I don't know joins but I talk more around people I know. I cannot be funny because I don't know how to. Sometimes I struggle to understand what some people say because Scottish accent is a bit unfamiliar to me and I can't even join the conversation in those instances.
    Hey there, I am a student in the UK and I am from the same country as you are. I understand very well how it is hard to make friends especially 3 months after the university has started and when everyone has already formed their groups. I know it is really tiring that after some time you just let it go, stop trying and it affects all aspects of your life.

    Do NOT stop trying. Do not let people's attitudes after you've met them stop you. It can fascinate you to even see people who met on their second or third years become really good friends, at least this is what's giving me hope.

    Last year in London I was in my first year and I made all my best friends after February! Before that, I was a wreck in depression. So this year, I transferred into another university in another city (because I did not like the course I was studying), in first year again, I am going through the same struggle now as last year this time.

    But I am still not giving up and am trying to be as social as possible, pushing my limits. I joined societies, I do campaigning and etc. I know that at some point I will get good results! In societies you might meet people who share the same interests as you and you would not have to try to be funny to be interesting.

    And do not be so self conscious about your looks, people do not choose friends according to their looks. This is not relationship, it is friendship.

    If you ever need to talk to someone, pm me. I know exactly what you are going through and sometimes having someone who understands comforts you the most.

    I hope this is of help...
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    I was going to write you a proper reply till you implied not being white would be a grounds for this to happen to you. Or you expected an easier time because you were white.

    No sympathy from me, sir.
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    Hope you make some friends, I sympathise.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ..
    No OP, you included that sentence for a reason, just for implying such a thing I think you partly deserve what your going through
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    (Original post by PrincessAlexis)
    I was going to write you a proper reply till you implied not being white would be a grounds for this to happen to you. Or you expected an easier time because you were white.

    No sympathy from me, sir.
    There is only one thing left for OP to do. Something like this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginia_Tech_shooting
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    (Original post by PrincessAlexis)
    I was going to write you a proper reply till you implied not being white would be a grounds for this to happen to you. Or you expected an easier time because you were white.

    No sympathy from me, sir.
    I just wrote a whole paragraph but the system just didnt post it for some reason. I cant be bothered to write all that again ... Ouh, and I dont give 1 no 2 ****s about you not sympathising
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    (Original post by euphorie)
    Hey there, I am a student in the UK and I am from the same country as you are. I understand very well how it is hard to make friends especially 3 months after the university has started and when everyone has already formed their groups. I know it is really tiring that after some time you just let it go, stop trying and it affects all aspects of your life.

    Do NOT stop trying. Do not let people's attitudes after you've met them stop you. It can fascinate you to even see people who met on their second or third years become really good friends, at least this is what's giving me hope.

    Last year in London I was in my first year and I made all my best friends after February! Before that, I was a wreck in depression. So this year, I transferred into another university in another city (because I did not like the course I was studying), in first year again, I am going through the same struggle now as last year this time.

    But I am still not giving up and am trying to be as social as possible, pushing my limits. I joined societies, I do campaigning and etc. I know that at some point I will get good results! In societies you might meet people who share the same interests as you and you would not have to try to be funny to be interesting.

    And do not be so self conscious about your looks, people do not choose friends according to their looks. This is not relationship, it is friendship.

    If you ever need to talk to someone, pm me. I know exactly what you are going through and sometimes having someone who understands comforts you the most.

    I hope this is of help...
    thank you so much. I agree totally with what you are sayig that most people already made their groups of friends.
 
 
 
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