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    i have a problem and it concerns me a great deal.my father is reallly obsessive of me ...really clings on me ...one minute hes nice,one minute hes really angry ..he does a lot of things to put me down one of my biggest problems with him is invading my privacy ...if im in my room talking to a friend over the phone he listens and tells me in the morning i heard what u said and im listening to all of ur conversations ...sometimes he walks in to my room without knocking and he threatens to open my letters that are headed with my name ...recently i bought a contract phone but as im under 18( gonna be 18 in a months time )i cant have a contract phone under my name so im paying for it and hes just has it under his name ...i dont want him opening my letters when im paying for it all and i dont want him knowing who i am talking to and just generally being a really posessive beast ...i feel locked and trapped in my body and im worried hell tell me off for making calls to plaaces ...he will be super nosy and chat a lot of crap and make my day miserable please help me out anyone because he threatens to open my letters when i dont want him to im going to be an adult he has no right to open my letters without my permission he wouldnt like it if i did the same so he needs to learn to grow up and treat me more like an adult
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    Are you male or female?
    Do you live alone with your father? You don't mention any other family members.
    Is there a special family situation, that could be the reason for this "control freak behaviour"?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im going to be an adult he has no right to open my letters without my permission
    He has no right to open them regardless. Basically I would tell my parents to sod off if they did that to me. But obviously your situation is different. Your father seems to be overly possessive. Has he always been like this? or just since you got closer to becoming an adult.

    It gets to the point where some of the things he does are illegal. end of story. It is an offence to open another person mail, or to listen to their phone calls. I think you need to talk to him, unless ofcourse you feel he could get violent or somthing.

    Are you going to university? Maybe you should get away for a while, find some space.
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    You're worried he's going to open the phone bill or generally your letters? You said the contract is under his name, therefore the bills are going to be addressed to him and he's responsible to pay for it, not you. So if your gripe is with him opening up a bill i'd say the letter's addressed to him - so legally you have no right to open up the letter and how do you intend to pay the bill under his name if he's not supposed to know you have a phone? Unless i just missed something and he knows about your phone and how you're paying for it :confused:
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    (Original post by Leisure17)
    Are you male or female?
    Do you live alone with your father? You don't mention any other family members.
    Is there a special family situation, that could be the reason for this "control freak behaviour"?
    no i have a mother and 2 brothers ...they are very traditional people ...they have stupid cultural values and just want me to visit all the guests that come and well they are so controlling my mother always follows fathers stuff or words to put it better so they just team up and be posessive
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    (Original post by G4ry)
    You're worried he's going to open the phone bill or generally your letters? You said the contract is under his name, therefore the bills are going to be addressed to him and he's responsible to pay for it, not you. So if your gripe is with him opening up a bill i'd say the letter's addressed to him - so legally you have no right to open up the letter and how do you intend to pay the bill under his name if he's not supposed to know you have a phone? Unless i just missed something and he knows about your phone and how you're paying for it :confused:
    i am paying for the bills and ive always been paying for my pay as u go phone it was far too expensive and the people at the shop said it has to be under a guardians ...im paying by direct debit...its set up in my name the direct debit but the contract is under his name ...if it doesnt make sense ask again
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    no i have a mother and 2 brothers ...they are very traditional people ...they have stupid cultural values and just want me to visit all the guests that come and well they are so controlling my mother always follows fathers stuff or words to put it better so they just team up and be posessive
    and im female btw
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    I had a similar problem.. what did I do? I moved out. Sounds about the only answer I can give to be honest.
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    (Original post by student_kyle)
    He has no right to open them regardless. Basically I would tell my parents to sod off if they did that to me. But obviously your situation is different. Your father seems to be overly possessive. Has he always been like this? or just since you got closer to becoming an adult.

    It gets to the point where some of the things he does are illegal. end of story. It is an offence to open another person mail, or to listen to their phone calls. I think you need to talk to him, unless ofcourse you feel he could get violent or somthing.

    Are you going to university? Maybe you should get away for a while, find some space.

    yes he has and it gets worse when im growing up. he says im immature and dont know the world yet. but how will i learn when he doesnt let me do anything.
    we have talked and talked and he doesnt listen he gives me this "im ur father ive done everything for u ...fed u ...clothed u so i have a right so dont give me that miss im ur father and i have the right" thats wht he says ...
    ill be going uni next year ...yes id like to get away but he wont let me ...i want to go on holiday he wont even let me do that ...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i am paying for the bills and ive always been paying for my pay as u go phone it was far too expensive and the people at the shop said it has to be under a guardians ...im paying by direct debit...its set up in my name the direct debit but the contract is under his name ...if it doesnt make sense ask again
    It makes sense. Legally though, if you can't make a payment for whatever reason it's not you that's liable to pay for it. It's the person who's name is on the contract. All the bills are going to come addressed to the contract holder and if you open them you're actually acting illegally as it's illegal to tamper with someone else's post. So on the phone side of things you've got no argument. But if post is addressed to you and people are tampering with it then you have a right to be upset.
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    (Original post by G4ry)
    It makes sense. Legally though, if you can't make a payment for whatever reason it's not you that's liable to pay for it. It's the person who's name is on the contract. All the bills are going to come addressed to the contract holder and if you open them you're actually acting illegally as it's illegal to tamper with someone else's post. So on the phone side of things you've got no argument. But if post is addressed to you and people are tampering with it then you have a right to be upset.
    Its not just that its every letter under my name.
    he wants to open it he even opens my bank statements.
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    Maybe he's just concerned about your finances and cares about you and wants to know if you're in debt or doing ok.
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    Could it be that you are Asian? I have gathered that they value their conservative/traditional culture a lot and tend to restrict their female family members. (Not saying it is always the case)

    It sounds to me that your father is very concerned about the possibility of you becoming independent.
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    The first step is to tackle the consequences of this behaviour:

    1. Post - This is extremely simple to tackle. Set up a box in the post office. For around £50 a year you can have mail kept in the post office. You can also ask your mobile phone line supplier to not send reports, just bills.

    2. Entering room without knocking - put up a lock. Nothing too elaborate, just a normal bathroom lock. Make up something in case he asks you - say I'm scared my brother will come in while I am undressing.

    The deeper bit is to tackle the behaviour itself. Direct approach is probably best but might end in a row. I would try to explain your desire for privacy to your father.

    Michail
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    In a similarish situation myself. And there is absolutely no advice I can offer - because it's literally got to the point now where he's spending half his time stopping me from going out, and the other half of his time telling me how he's going to throw me out.

    Parents!!!

    I'm literally LIVING for university, personally, and I can't think of much advice that hasn't already been given. Battle through though. The time will eventually come when you, and I, and anyone in this situation, can just look back as an independant adult & be so far away from all this.

    *offers lots of sympathy & hugs and stuff, because being surrounded can actually make you kind of lonely.. in a wierd way.
    Best of luck, hun.
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    Please use some punctuation.
 
 
 
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