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Need help.. don't know what to do!!!
Basically my mum is doing my head in, it all started when i got my A-level results, i didnt get my grades so didnt get into a descent university.
So my mum said retake my alevels, but now she has said she wants all the money she has given me for my education back. Which is roughly £25000 for the two years of alevel plus another £16000 on top for my retake, which i thought is fair enough, but she wants the money back when i start my university and im trying to explain to her that i dont have £41000, she has basically said then get out of my house. What should i do should i say ill give you the money which i dont have or should i leave??? please help
So my mum said retake my alevels, but now she has said she wants all the money she has given me for my education back. Which is roughly £25000 for the two years of alevel plus another £16000 on top for my retake, which i thought is fair enough, but she wants the money back when i start my university and im trying to explain to her that i dont have £41000, she has basically said then get out of my house. What should i do should i say ill give you the money which i dont have or should i leave??? please help
These costs being the fees for your school I'm guessing?
I personally think you should just tell her that you're going to be working your arse off this year and then you'll be out of her hair when you go to university. There's no way you should be forced to pay her back for your education, if she wants to be an idiot then just leave for good when you go to university.
If she wants you to go now then you just have to lie and tell her you'll pay her back the money when you get to univeristy, and then refuse when you get there; because then you'll have a place of your own and won't need to live at home like you do this year.
If she wants you to go now then you just have to lie and tell her you'll pay her back the money when you get to univeristy, and then refuse when you get there; because then you'll have a place of your own and won't need to live at home like you do this year.
tomgor
Basically my mum is doing my head in, it all started when i got my A-level results, i didnt get my grades so didnt get into a descent university.
So my mum said retake my alevels, but now she has said she wants all the money she has given me for my education back. Which is roughly £25000 for the two years of alevel plus another £16000 on top for my retake, which i thought is fair enough, but she wants the money back when i start my university and im trying to explain to her that i dont have £41000, she has basically said then get out of my house. What should i do should i say ill give you the money which i dont have or should i leave??? please help
So my mum said retake my alevels, but now she has said she wants all the money she has given me for my education back. Which is roughly £25000 for the two years of alevel plus another £16000 on top for my retake, which i thought is fair enough, but she wants the money back when i start my university and im trying to explain to her that i dont have £41000, she has basically said then get out of my house. What should i do should i say ill give you the money which i dont have or should i leave??? please help
how did 2 years at college cost you that much?
did you have to pay some sort of tution fee?
I think he was at a private school.
Are you retaking at school? If so and money's an issue is it not possible to teach yourself and just pay for the exams.
There's no way your mother can think you've got 40 grand just lying around - talk to her. Chances are she's disappointed in you and is trying to make you feel guilty or something. Forgive me, but were your Alevels really that bad? Judging by your education (I was at a feepaying academic school where anything below an A was bad) you - and her - might have warped ideas of good and bad results that need discussing.
Are you retaking at school? If so and money's an issue is it not possible to teach yourself and just pay for the exams.
There's no way your mother can think you've got 40 grand just lying around - talk to her. Chances are she's disappointed in you and is trying to make you feel guilty or something. Forgive me, but were your Alevels really that bad? Judging by your education (I was at a feepaying academic school where anything below an A was bad) you - and her - might have warped ideas of good and bad results that need discussing.
Pippak
I think he was at a private school.
Are you retaking at school? If so and money's an issue is it not possible to teach yourself and just pay for the exams.
There's no way your mother can think you've got 40 grand just lying around - talk to her. Chances are she's disappointed in you and is trying to make you feel guilty or something. Forgive me, but were your Alevels really that bad? Judging by your education (I was at a feepaying academic school where anything below an A was bad) you - and her - might have warped ideas of good and bad results that need discussing.
Are you retaking at school? If so and money's an issue is it not possible to teach yourself and just pay for the exams.
There's no way your mother can think you've got 40 grand just lying around - talk to her. Chances are she's disappointed in you and is trying to make you feel guilty or something. Forgive me, but were your Alevels really that bad? Judging by your education (I was at a feepaying academic school where anything below an A was bad) you - and her - might have warped ideas of good and bad results that need discussing.
I went to a top school and I only got A,A,B,C,D. I didn't try and my parents knew weren't too happy, probably it was the lack of effort that prevented me getting any offers for medicine.
Thanks for your replys, yes i was at a private school and i got ABBa for alevels and my said that not good enough so she said retake my alevels. Which im currently doing at my college.
Last night we had a massive argument about it and she went on like since you were 2 you have had the best education...all i wanted was for you to get into a 'good' university. Now shes saying she wants the money back for the two years of my college and the retake money which i thought was fair enough, but it had turned it she wanted it like now. I basically said well i never asked you to send me private all my life. Which i kind of regret saying now. My dad has now joined in saying i want you to pay for your own car,shopping etc etc.
What should i do?? should i leave home which i dont really want to do as i dont know were to go, have never had a job so wouldnt know the first place to look.
Last night we had a massive argument about it and she went on like since you were 2 you have had the best education...all i wanted was for you to get into a 'good' university. Now shes saying she wants the money back for the two years of my college and the retake money which i thought was fair enough, but it had turned it she wanted it like now. I basically said well i never asked you to send me private all my life. Which i kind of regret saying now. My dad has now joined in saying i want you to pay for your own car,shopping etc etc.
What should i do?? should i leave home which i dont really want to do as i dont know were to go, have never had a job so wouldnt know the first place to look.
ABB is a brilliant result! Which uni did you want to get in to! I would give anything for ABB!!!!! Where on earth would you get that kind of money! Sounds like your mother is pushing you to be better than what you actually are, which is completely unfair! You can only do so much!
What has suddenly brought this on? Just because your parents have aspirations that you should go to a top university doesn't mean you should have to pay for the privilege. Mind you if they've also bought you a car you're doing alright! You could offer to get a Saturday job and pay something back but this may distract from study time.
That's ridiculous; ABB is a very good result. I think you need to talk to her, and don't resit, just apply for somewhere that makes those offers. It doesn't have to be Oxbridge to be a good university!
To be honest your parents do sound like absolute idiots. They're obviously disappointed that they've paid all this money just so they can show you off as some bright spark, and you've done very well in your grades but that's not good enough for them. You have no obligation to pay the money back to them, if you do then it's your choice, so just leave home for good when you go to university and just tell them where they can stick it 
I know it sounds a bit harsh but they have no right to force you to pay it, they can be disappointed but it's not your fault.
I know it sounds a bit harsh but they have no right to force you to pay it, they can be disappointed but it's not your fault.Your mom is being absolutely pathetic and is expecting far too much.
well it all started when the rest of my cousins of the same age got into oxford/cambridge and LSE, and my mum especially was like 'look they have done it... why couldnt you...'
On the day of clearing i got offered a place at Birmingham which i thought was a good university. Well it turned out it from my mums point of view.
Well i kinda feel depressed as i tried my best and now mum is just isolating me from my brother and sister she doesnt even let me into the main home i have to stay in the flat next to the house which is really depressing as it is cold and i have no one to talk to. She is slowly taking away my priviledges im not allowded to go shopping, i now have to catch the train which is pointless as the driver drops my brother and sister off to the same school.
I have offered to help around the hosue and my mum goes no you will only make things worse. I cant ever do anythink right.
On the day of clearing i got offered a place at Birmingham which i thought was a good university. Well it turned out it from my mums point of view.
Well i kinda feel depressed as i tried my best and now mum is just isolating me from my brother and sister she doesnt even let me into the main home i have to stay in the flat next to the house which is really depressing as it is cold and i have no one to talk to. She is slowly taking away my priviledges im not allowded to go shopping, i now have to catch the train which is pointless as the driver drops my brother and sister off to the same school.
I have offered to help around the hosue and my mum goes no you will only make things worse. I cant ever do anythink right.
I would just ask them where they expect you to get the money right now. Because its quite plain that you are never going to have that much at this time, and you are right private education was their choice. Its a very difficult situation and you have to try to make them realise they are being totally unreasonable
Well i reckon you should have gone to birmingham and got away from your mum! She sounds controlling and sounds like she will never be satisfied unless you are in oxbridge!
Tell her how you feel! Its not fair that she should isolate you like that simply because you got an ABB (it sounds so ridiculous)! I got BCC at A-level and i was chuffed to bits and my parents were happy for me because i did my best! Your mum sounds as if shes not happy with the best you can achieve, each person is different, tell her you are not your brother and sister and you have your own abilities!
Tell her how you feel! Its not fair that she should isolate you like that simply because you got an ABB (it sounds so ridiculous)! I got BCC at A-level and i was chuffed to bits and my parents were happy for me because i did my best! Your mum sounds as if shes not happy with the best you can achieve, each person is different, tell her you are not your brother and sister and you have your own abilities!
Thats the thing the only reason why i went for birmingham is because its close to home. The other university was Warwick were i orignally wanted to go but missed the offer, i am only able to apply to universitys that are close to home. So theres no way ill be able to 'move out' as i will always be at home thats why i cant answer back or anythink and to be honest with you i am scared of what she might do to me if i do answer back. If i do just leave home for good then i wont be able to support my self in university as my parents will have to sign the finace form things and they wont if i leave home.
What would she do to you? Are you afraid of your mother? It sounds like you need to consult a family friend or a friend (somone who would be able to help you with this situation)! At the end of the day you NEED to get out of the house! Your mother will continue to isolate you until she breaks you mentally, its not fair that you should be treated like this because you got (well what your mother thought) was "bad grades".
Why should you suffer for gettin excellent grades???? Not everyone has to go to a top university in order to succeed! It sounds like your mother is more bothered about having children who go to "top" unis so that she can gloat to people! What you need to do is get out! It is not fair that your mother "demand" over 40grand off you, as she is the one who chose that you should go through private education!
Basically this is not fair on you, and something needs to be done because this pressure will build up on you!
Why should you suffer for gettin excellent grades???? Not everyone has to go to a top university in order to succeed! It sounds like your mother is more bothered about having children who go to "top" unis so that she can gloat to people! What you need to do is get out! It is not fair that your mother "demand" over 40grand off you, as she is the one who chose that you should go through private education!
Basically this is not fair on you, and something needs to be done because this pressure will build up on you!
If she really won't back down, weigh it up in your mind whether you could afford to move out and live somewhere else, and if you can't, maybe sit down and talk about a payment plan with her, like paying X amount per month, and keep bringing up the subject every so often and try to talk her out of it? Sorry to hear you're getting so much pressure, it's a horrible feeling especially as you got such good results
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