Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    my best friend is pretty stressed at the moment. and by at the moment i mean all the time for probably about the past three years.
    theyre stressed about A levels, theyre stressed about family, theyre stressed about the future.
    last year i gave a lot of my time up for them. i tried really hard to stay chipper and give the best advice i could. i always tried to be a shoulder to cry on. but sometimes it got a little hard, when they'd say 'i just want to give up' or 'i dont see the point in this', to give comforting words when i actually felt the same. I was doing A levels just like them.
    for some reason now i just find it really hard to cope with being their confidant now. i can never tell whether when i say how are you itll be 'im fine!' or 'im feeling really stressed'. i just want to be able to talk to my friend without feeling like a Samaritan.
    my friend is a lovely person and they get unhappy. they deserve support. but once when i told them i was unhappy they cried, and i ended up comforting them.
    theyre stressed about work, but they go out to gigs mid week and go out every weekend, then dont come in to school because theyre 'tired'
    theyre stressed about personal statements but they were holidaying around the world this summer while i was at home writing mine. and now they say im 'lucky' that ive got it out of the way yes well i didnt go on holiday to majorca or whatever
    they say they dont know what they want to do in their life but neither do i???
    theyre stressed about their family's financial situation, but like i said, round the world holidays. probably about 4 different countries a year. i have had one foreign holiday with my family in my life. my parents really struggle to make ends meet.
    ALL THAT SAID, they cant help it. I know they cant help feeling upset and they deserve a friend. when i say how are you, i cant be angry with them for answering honestly.
    i feel so selfish that i feel this way, that everything that worries them i instantly compare to myself, and that even as im writing to them theyre venting to me in another tab. (i initially started the convo because i felt AWFUL today and needed some cheering up hahah.)
    i know its not fair to compare myself to them. i dont know everything that they feel, and everyone has a tough time. theyre just not afraid to ask for help. thats not their fault.
    am i a bad friend for resenting them? im scared that i wont be able to be a good friend to them if this keeps going on because im running out of things to say to them and i dont want them to hate me.
    the worst part is i know if i asked for help and i told them i felt bad they would give it to me. like i said, they are a good person. i just feel like i cant talk over them when theyve pretty much trademarked 'stress'as their own

    You are being a good friend - don't think you're not. However I can understand why you may feel frustrated because the focus is always on them and every now and then it should be on you too. As friends you should be able to confide in each other and be there for one another but it seems like you're only there for your friend - but she isn't really there for you. You need to speak to her and tell her how you feel, tell her you're in the same position as her such as with A-levels and stuff and that it would be nice if she was there for you and listened to your problems every now and then rather than you always being a shoulder for her to cry on. It should work both ways and tbh you seem to be the only one being a good friend and I understand they're probably not doing it on purpose to let them know.

    Maybe distance yourself from them for a while. Let things cool down. You should maybe go do your own thing, going for a walk and think about it for a bit helps. Tell them that you've run out of advice, and just try cheer up ans organise their time better. It's their own fault that they've made themselves stressed, and then come crying to you for help. If one day you suddenly disappeared from their lives, what would they do? They need to be able to stand up on their own.
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 30, 2014
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.