Whats wrong with me

Okay. This will not be spelt right or whatever. Infact it won't even sound right... read right bla bla bla... so you know.

the thing is. Today. For the first time in my life... okay so all week iv been feeling ****ty. but today just takes the freaking biscuit.
I realised, well, admited to myself more like, that I don't like me, more than that. I hate me. I think and feel awful things that I know I shouldn't be feeling.

I annoy myself to the the point of.. well I don't know what. Its really getting on my nerves...
People suck up to me, no, Im honestly not being big headed... I mean generally... in life.. and I hate it. There are people round my flat all the time asking me to go out etc and its annoying me. But if i don't say yes every night there all like... why not...

plus. I cant cry infront of people. People assume im happy all the time.

This has no structure atal.
UGH.
I miss my mum.

And my friends,
I don't really like people here... in my flat.
I havn't met too many people I genuinly like.
I find it hard to trust people.... and to like people.
I never belieive people like me for me, and more often than not i have good reason too... its never the case.
People like me.... for no reason.... or they hate me for no reason. or because somone else does, or whatever.
Grr. I don't know why im typing this.
Oh wait. yes I do. because I have no one in real life that I feel i trust enough to go and tell them that i feel low.
Im always happy and hyper and jumping about. It won't seem right.

Oh another thing. people think im stupid.
Im not ****ing stupid. Im quite clever actually.

Id rather people hate me than be jelous of me. But it doesnt work.
Ugh. eww. i don't ROAR;

So yeah. I am ranting on here, to strangers, knowing full well what, well, especially h&r is like.

rrroar.
If i wasnt uber poorly i would scream right now

my boyfriend is far away. I cant find my phone

The worst thing is... I know for a fact, no matter which person came in this room right now and asked me whats wrong.... Id say i was fine

I guess I want a cuddle :frown:

Reply 1

stainedglass

Go home for a few days. Spend some time with your family, your friends and your boyfriend and remember that you're not a bad person. You won't always get on with everyone you meet - but that aside, don't spend your time being miserable, do something about it instead of wallowing.