Long-term relationship - should I end it? Watch

guitarbob123
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Hey guys,

I've been in a relationship for about 15 months. We've lived together for about 4 months so far.

I'm currently just finding myself really frustrated by her all the time and I have to catch myself from having a go at her habits all the time. She has a very short fuse, and will often overreact to something and refuse to talk or even be in the flat with me for hours and then she'll come back in tears and apologize for overreacting and say she'll never do it again, only to do it again within a couple of weeks.

While I accept that she loves me and she genuinely hates the fact that she reacts like shes does to the smallest of things (her father does it and she doesn't want to be like him), I've kind of gotten to the point where every time she does it I end up wanting to end the relationship with her.

I feel like I can't be myself around her. I always like to have music on when I'm in my room but she refuses to have music on when she's in here. I don't have it on loud because I don't want to annoy the other person we live with, but she just doesn't like the noise. I can't have any conversations about politics or the economy because she says that she feels stupid because she knows nothing about any of it.

The other day at university I got a really good grade on some coursework, but when she got one of her marks back the following week and it wasn't as good. Despite me reassuring her that it was still a great mark and not even mentioning my mark, she got angry because she wanted to be as good as me. I ended up feeling awful that I'd done brilliantly.

Sexually we're great when it happens but my sex-drive is a lot higher than hers. I'd be happy with every other day, whereas she is only willing once or twice a week. This can get a bit frustrating obviously and it makes me feel awful if I even suggest anything along those lines because I feel like I'm pressuring her, which I know is wrong.

At the moment I've developed a massive crush/infatuation on a girl on my course at uni. We've talked a bit and seem to get on really well. I have no idea whether she's interested or not but I certainly would be, were I single. I can barely get her out of my head and I feel awful because I'm in a relationship. I would never cheat on my girlfriend because that would just be against everything I feel, but I keep wanting to ask this other girl on dates and stuff, as if I was single (I haven't and wouldn't while I'm in a relationship).

I don't know whether this is because I'm frustrated or bored in my current relationship and just want a change. I feel like the relationship causes more stress than enjoyment

I kind of want to give the relationship more chance at the moment as although I've felt this way for a while I'm hoping it might change back and I'll feel stupid. I don't want to end something just on a whim.


Has anyone got any advice on how I should act? Should I maintain the status-quo or should I end it? Should I see how this other girl feels at all or leave that alone?
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18972384
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Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with her? If yes, then get married already, if no, then just stop wasting your time and find someone who is less insecure
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PrittyVacant
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Are you sure it's not a case of you poking holes in your relationship BECAUSE you've found yourself attracted to this other girl - the grass is greener type scenario?


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HotCoco.
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No matter who you are with, relationships will have ups and downs - challenges you will need to learn to overcome (or acknowledge you can't). You are going through an infatuation phase with the new girl which I'm sure you had when you started seeing your girlfriend. But the infatuation phase never lasts and when that comes it'll be about being committed to building your relationship together even through tough times. Your girlfriend's faults are being amplified by comparing her to the new girl because you still see only her good side.

What I'm trying to say is that things won't always be rosy 100% of the time no matter who you are with. I know she is apologetic but you need to really sit down and communicate in a non threatening "I'm going to leave you" way how her habits make you feel. You need to honestly ask yourself "if my girlfriend never changed and her bad habits continued in the long term, do I love her enough that I'm willing to tolerate them?" Then proceed from there.


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NinjaNicky
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It seems like the whole moving in thing has highlighted some fractures in the relationship, like another poster said, can you see yourself living with her for another X number of years? If not, you might be better off just ending it.

Equally, don't go running off to that other girl either, you might just be on a mental rebound based on your frustrations at home. I was with my ex for 18 months and it got to a point similar to what you're describing, we weren't living together but we snapped at eachother all the time and I had to think about everything I said in front of him, I ended it, felt awful for about a week but it was the best decision I ever made, because we just weren't making each other happy. That could be completely different in your case, so think it through, but may be worth having a proper chat with her.
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AB25
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(Original post by guitarbob123)
Hey guys,

I've been in a relationship for about 15 months. We've lived together for about 4 months so far.

I'm currently just finding myself really frustrated by her all the time and I have to catch myself from having a go at her habits all the time. She has a very short fuse, and will often overreact to something and refuse to talk or even be in the flat with me for hours and then she'll come back in tears and apologize for overreacting and say she'll never do it again, only to do it again within a couple of weeks.

While I accept that she loves me and she genuinely hates the fact that she reacts like shes does to the smallest of things (her father does it and she doesn't want to be like him), I've kind of gotten to the point where every time she does it I end up wanting to end the relationship with her.

I feel like I can't be myself around her. I always like to have music on when I'm in my room but she refuses to have music on when she's in here. I don't have it on loud because I don't want to annoy the other person we live with, but she just doesn't like the noise. I can't have any conversations about politics or the economy because she says that she feels stupid because she knows nothing about any of it.

The other day at university I got a really good grade on some coursework, but when she got one of her marks back the following week and it wasn't as good. Despite me reassuring her that it was still a great mark and not even mentioning my mark, she got angry because she wanted to be as good as me. I ended up feeling awful that I'd done brilliantly.

Sexually we're great when it happens but my sex-drive is a lot higher than hers. I'd be happy with every other day, whereas she is only willing once or twice a week. This can get a bit frustrating obviously and it makes me feel awful if I even suggest anything along those lines because I feel like I'm pressuring her, which I know is wrong.

At the moment I've developed a massive crush/infatuation on a girl on my course at uni. We've talked a bit and seem to get on really well. I have no idea whether she's interested or not but I certainly would be, were I single. I can barely get her out of my head and I feel awful because I'm in a relationship. I would never cheat on my girlfriend because that would just be against everything I feel, but I keep wanting to ask this other girl on dates and stuff, as if I was single (I haven't and wouldn't while I'm in a relationship).

I don't know whether this is because I'm frustrated or bored in my current relationship and just want a change. I feel like the relationship causes more stress than enjoyment

I kind of want to give the relationship more chance at the moment as although I've felt this way for a while I'm hoping it might change back and I'll feel stupid. I don't want to end something just on a whim.


Has anyone got any advice on how I should act? Should I maintain the status-quo or should I end it? Should I see how this other girl feels at all or leave that alone?
Break up with her- do it. You know deep deep deeeeep down that it's the right thing to do. Trust me, I've been there! How old are you anyway? If you don't mind me asking. I reckon age has a big influence on these things.

I was in a 2-year relationship and felt exactly the same- fell for another guy and everything. I was only 19 at the time. Looking back, I was far too young to be tied down to one person the rest of my life. If she's "the one" for you, you won't even be tempted by anyone else. Think about it.....
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guitarbob123
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I had a talk with her that resulted in a lot of crying on her behalf and me being told that if I loved her then I could never even consider breaking up.
I stuck to my guns and made it clear that if she was going to cause too much stress and the relationship became more stress than enjoyment that I wouldn't be able to stay in it.

She got the message but I still would rather end it cause really it's just a matter of time before it does become more stress than it's worth.

I appreciate the fact that it's a relationship between me and her, and no-one in either of our families has any right to have any influence.

I do agree with the answer that suggested I might be picking holes in the relationship because I like the other girl, although very early on in the relationship I almost ended it because it felt like too much, too soon considering we effectively started going out in Freshers week of first yearand I'd not had a chance to settle properly. I kind of just ended up in the relationship before I knew what was going on.
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