My girlfriend is being infuriating with her fairy-tale wishes for her job Watch

distinctlyaverag
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
So last night my girlfriend broke down crying about how she could never go back to her job. She hates it. She hates the pay. She hates the commute. She hates her colleagues. She hates the atmosphere. She hates her bosses. She hates the work. She hates that it isn't going anywhere.

It is a terrible job; £13k a year, toxic environment, incompetent colleagues who she doesn't get on with, hideous commute and not much room for promotion. Oh and its a PPI firm.

So on her current job she has grounds for complaint. But we started discussing what job she does want to do. Before I get into this I'll give you a brief overview of her CV;


  • Ordinary Degree (ie. she finished below a third but not quite enough to fail) after a 3 year course.
  • A year of part time work in retail
  • A few months of part time office work
  • Other odd jobs


And now she has 4 months of full time work with her current firm, which quite honestly from a professional point of view is the only thing worth a damn. This was fine when she started; she was the star hire, doing as much work as people who had started months before her. Her plan was to do it for 6 months and then find something better.

But since then things have gone sour, and she has done some pretty stupid things.


  • Her work rate has slowed to the point where she is distinctly average. She did this deliberately because she couldn't be bothered working so hard
  • In a meeting she (in front of everyone) complained about everyone else in her team.
  • She complains at work that everyone is *****ing about each other, to her colleagues. The irony is lost on her.
  • She had a run in with her boss, complaining about personal issues. Professional issues she keeps to herself.


Funnily enough she thinks she has been 'turned into' the office *****. I haven't pointed out to her that she has done this herself, I have stuff at her house...

Now, we had a look at some job websites. She doesn't fancy anything admin related. Deffos not PPI. She really wants to be a teacher (which you pretty much need a 2.1 to be). She rejected EVERY job we looked at.

What I am looking for is a way to bring her back down to earth. Like all people she thinks she is a special flower, capable of anything. But to an employer she is absolutely nothing special.

I finally got her to apply to another PPI firm because that was mostly likely to give her an interview, to at least give her another option. She started talking about how she would easily ace the interview and would demand a higher paycheck (it was £16-22k, she would want 18). And if she didn't like the way the company was described to her, she would 'give them a few pointers'.

I get the feeling she is going to do something catastrophically stupid, not entirely sure what, but her ending up with no job and no reference from her current one, leaving her in a terrible place. I just don;t know if she grasps that her degree is worth nothing and she is doing a job for school leavers.

If you read everything and made it this far PM me and I'll send you a christmas present
0
reply
miser
  • Forum Helper
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
Wow, she sounds like quite the hard case. It's nice she has you to go to such trouble to help her out because it sounds like on her own she'll really struggle.

I think you need to decide with her a new plan for getting somewhere where she wants to go. With support from you it will be easier, but my concern is that it takes discipline to climb the ladder and she seems to be lacking in that area. If she can go back to working hard and having a drive to work her way up, it sounds like she has it in her to accomplish a lot.

Somehow you need to instil in her that drive to succeed. That's not going to be an easy task. For the most part, I think people don't change so easily.
2
reply
J-SP
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#3
Report 4 years ago
#3
Sounds like she needs the harsh truth given to her. By avoiding it, nothing will change and she will only get more stuck in her ways and become even more unemployable.


Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
SkyT
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 years ago
#4
That's a truly sad story. I really applaud you for being such a great boyfriend during this difficult time.

But there is something that I found really striking. You write that she rejected every job offer you showed her.

Some people, without any offense, just have to fall down to the ground every once in a while in order to come off the high horse that they are riding on. I'm such a person as well and whenever my head was too high in the sky I felt pretty deep. It was painful, but it was the only thing that brought me back to reality. And quite frankly, it was the only thing that helped me to get back on track, because I would ignore anything else.

This does of course not mean that you should let her fall to the ground. But it might help you to be prepared when it happens.
0
reply
tim_123
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#5
Report 4 years ago
#5
(Original post by distinctlyaverag)
So last night my girlfriend broke down crying about how she could never go back to her job. She hates it. She hates the pay. She hates the commute. She hates her colleagues. She hates the atmosphere. She
It is a terrible job; £13k a year, toxic environment, incompetent colleagues who she doesn't get on with, hideous commute and not much room for promotion. Oh and its a PPI firm.

So on her current job she has grounds for complaint. But we started discussing what job she does want to do. Before I get into this I'll give you a brief overview of her CV;


  • Ordinary Degree (ie. she finished below a third but not quite enough to fail) after a 3 year course.
  • A year of part time work in retail
  • A few months of part time office work
  • Other odd jobs


And now she has 4 months of full time work with her current firm, which quite honestly from a professional point of view is the only thing worth a damn. This was fine when she started; she was the star hire, doing as much work as people who had started months before her. Her plan was to do it for 6 months and then find something better.

But since then things have gone sour, and she has done some pretty stupid things.


  • Her work rate has slowed to the point where she is distinctly average. She did this deliberately because she couldn't be bothered working so hard
  • In a meeting she (in front of everyone) complained about everyone else in her team.
  • She complains at work that everyone is *****ing about each other, to her colleagues. The irony is lost on her.
  • She had a run in with her boss, complaining about personal issues. Professional issues she keeps to herself.


Funnily enough she thinks she has been 'turned into' the office *****. I haven't pointed out to her that she has done this herself, I have stuff at her house
I finally got her to apply to another PPI firm because that was mostly likely to give her an interview, to at least give her another option. She started talking about how she would easily ace the interview and would demand a higher paycheck (it was £16-22k, she would want 18). And if she didn't like the way the company was described to her, she would 'give them a few pointers'.

I get the feeling she is going to do something catastrophically stupid, not entirely sure what, but her ending up with no job and no reference from her current one, leaving her in a terrible place. I just don;t know if she grasps that her degree is worth nothing and she is doing a job for school leavers.

If you read everything and made it this far PM me and I'll send you a christmas present
If a job is advertised as being 16-22k, interviewers will expect you to negotiate the salary. I would for example tell them I want 20k, and then back that up with industry pay In that area and qualifications I bring to the table. Obviously they will bring you down and meet in the middle.

You only do this after being offered the job obviously
0
reply
poohat
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#6
Report 4 years ago
#6
I hope she is physically attractive and a nice person in other areas, otherwise why you are dating someone with no career prospects, a tenuous grip on reality, and a whole bunch of dubious personality traits (passive-aggressive, *****y, poor work ethic, etc)? Do you really want to deal with this for the next 5-10 years of your life?

I mean it would be fine if you were both 18 and just messing around, but from the sound of your post you seem like you are both mid 20s.
0
reply
MrMango
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report 4 years ago
#7
one night with me would sort her out.

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Quady
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 4 years ago
#8
(Original post by distinctlyaverag)
So last night my girlfriend broke down crying about how she could never go back to her job. She hates it. She hates the pay. She hates the commute. She hates her colleagues. She hates the atmosphere. She hates her bosses. She hates the work. She hates that it isn't going anywhere.

It is a terrible job; £13k a year, toxic environment, incompetent colleagues who she doesn't get on with, hideous commute and not much room for promotion. Oh and its a PPI firm.

So on her current job she has grounds for complaint. But we started discussing what job she does want to do. Before I get into this I'll give you a brief overview of her CV;


  • Ordinary Degree (ie. she finished below a third but not quite enough to fail) after a 3 year course.
  • A year of part time work in retail
  • A few months of part time office work
  • Other odd jobs


And now she has 4 months of full time work with her current firm, which quite honestly from a professional point of view is the only thing worth a damn. This was fine when she started; she was the star hire, doing as much work as people who had started months before her. Her plan was to do it for 6 months and then find something better.

But since then things have gone sour, and she has done some pretty stupid things.


  • Her work rate has slowed to the point where she is distinctly average. She did this deliberately because she couldn't be bothered working so hard
  • In a meeting she (in front of everyone) complained about everyone else in her team.
  • She complains at work that everyone is *****ing about each other, to her colleagues. The irony is lost on her.
  • She had a run in with her boss, complaining about personal issues. Professional issues she keeps to herself.


Funnily enough she thinks she has been 'turned into' the office *****. I haven't pointed out to her that she has done this herself, I have stuff at her house...

Now, we had a look at some job websites. She doesn't fancy anything admin related. Deffos not PPI. She really wants to be a teacher (which you pretty much need a 2.1 to be). She rejected EVERY job we looked at.

What I am looking for is a way to bring her back down to earth. Like all people she thinks she is a special flower, capable of anything. But to an employer she is absolutely nothing special.

I finally got her to apply to another PPI firm because that was mostly likely to give her an interview, to at least give her another option. She started talking about how she would easily ace the interview and would demand a higher paycheck (it was £16-22k, she would want 18). And if she didn't like the way the company was described to her, she would 'give them a few pointers'.

I get the feeling she is going to do something catastrophically stupid, not entirely sure what, but her ending up with no job and no reference from her current one, leaving her in a terrible place. I just don;t know if she grasps that her degree is worth nothing and she is doing a job for school leavers.

If you read everything and made it this far PM me and I'll send you a christmas present
Just agree with her and encourage her to apply to things.

When she asks what to apply for, suggest things you think she'd be 'really good at' that are above her league - consultancy, accountancy and banking.

Then when she doesn't meet the criteria suggest the army or turning one of her hobbies into a self employed career.

Basically be supportive but try and speed up the time to her finding she stuck with rubbish jobs.
0
reply
SnoochToTheBooch
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#9
Report 4 years ago
#9
Make her read what you just wrote.
0
reply
distinctlyaverag
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#10
(Original post by MrMango)
one night with me would sort her out.

Posted from TSR Mobile
OMG really? Cool where do you live?
0
reply
doodle_333
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#11
Report 4 years ago
#11
(Original post by tim_123)
If a job is advertised as being 16-22k, interviewers will expect you to negotiate the salary. I would for example tell them I want 20k, and then back that up with industry pay In that area and qualifications I bring to the table. Obviously they will bring you down and meet in the middle.

You only do this after being offered the job obviously
they might expect negotiation in some jobs but you would only be able to negotiate if it made sense to pay you a higher salary (e.g. you'd been working in the sector for 5 years and were currently being paid at the top of the bracket), this girl has virtually no qualifications or experience, has been in the job 4 months, wont get an outstanding reference and if she goes in at 16k it will still be a 3k pay rise - she isn't going to be able to negotiate that any higher

OP: if you've explained the situation to your GF there's not much you can do, perhaps in a few months when she hasn't managed to find another job she will be more open to your opinions but until then all you can do is keep giving her the right advice and accept that she may have to fall on her face to realise what a mess she's making
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Have you registered to vote?

Yes! (564)
37.65%
No - but I will (117)
7.81%
No - I don't want to (108)
7.21%
No - I can't vote (<18, not in UK, etc) (709)
47.33%

Watched Threads

View All