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Long distance - all girlfriend's close friends are male watch

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    I'm long distance with my girlfriend, and a lot of her close friends are male.

    And the new friends she makes, they all seem to be male. She doesn't quite understand social conventions properly - like she doesn't seem to understand that when a table of guys calls her over it's kinda overly sociable for her to walk over? And she's had them round her house, just as friends but people have been close to her, sharing a small blanket, their legs on her lap, kiss on her cheek, that type of thing.

    My girlfriend is gorgeous, and playful, easy going - she's not deliberately flirty and she doesn't wear anything remotely revealing, she's just really fun to be around. If someone smiles at her suggestively she'll probably just smile back and not turn it awkward.

    Quite a few have made subtle moves on her (the type that you can't really give a concrete 'no' to but you realise that the other person is interested). And one or two are definitely brothers to her, and she really needs them in her life. And quite a few are what I'd probably call more attractive propositions than myself.

    Now I'm pretty sure my girl doesn't actually like any of them - if she did, why would she be texting me throughout socialising with them and telling me practically every detail.

    But is it wrong to feel jealous/worried that she's hanging out with a load of guys who all fancy her? And if it is, how do I stop it. I know she loves me but...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm long distance with my girlfriend, and a lot of her close friends are male.

    And the new friends she makes, they all seem to be male. She doesn't quite understand social conventions properly - like she doesn't seem to understand that when a table of guys calls her over it's kinda overly sociable for her to walk over? And she's had them round her house, just as friends but people have been close to her, sharing a small blanket, their legs on her lap, kiss on her cheek, that type of thing.

    My girlfriend is gorgeous, and playful, easy going - she's not deliberately flirty and she doesn't wear anything remotely revealing, she's just really fun to be around. If someone smiles at her suggestively she'll probably just smile back and not turn it awkward.

    Quite a few have made subtle moves on her (the type that you can't really give a concrete 'no' to but you realise that the other person is interested). And one or two are definitely brothers to her, and she really needs them in her life. And quite a few are what I'd probably call more attractive propositions than myself.

    Now I'm pretty sure my girl doesn't actually like any of them - if she did, why would she be texting me throughout socialising with them and telling me practically every detail.

    But is it wrong to feel jealous/worried that she's hanging out with a load of guys who all fancy her? And if it is, how do I stop it. I know she loves me but...

    I do understand how you feel, and even though the things that she does is harmless, these other guys don't think of it this way, especially if they know you're long distance. I would just try not to let this bother you (easily said than done I know), but you don't really have a lot to be upset about, besides the fact that she is a little overly friendly. Just tell her to be careful as guys can easily misinterpret her friendliness for her being interested in them. But please please don't let this ruin a good relationship. LDR's are hard enough without you making it harder for yourself.
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    I'd just try to tell yourself that if she wanted to be with one of those guys then she would be because it would probably be a lot easier than being in an LDR. It's probably better that she has loads of guy friends to be fair - they can look out for her on nights out etc. and it'll deter creepy randomers from hitting on her. Worrying about this won't help your case - there's nothing more unattractive than insecurity. Be laid back about it, let yourself trust her and if things are meant to work out then they will.
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    Thank you so much for the reply, both of you. What I should have mentioned is that whilst she sees one or two guys as brothers, they definitely see her as more/potentially more. And she hasn't told them about me (for various, understandable reasons - I don't/can't blame her for this).
    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I do understand how you feel, and even though the things that she does is harmless, these other guys don't think of it this way, especially if they know you're long distance. I would just try not to let this bother you (easily said than done I know), but you don't really have a lot to be upset about, besides the fact that she is a little overly friendly. Just tell her to be careful as guys can easily misinterpret her friendliness for her being interested in them. But please please don't let this ruin a good relationship. LDR's are hard enough without you making it harder for yourself.
    How do I go about wording it? She's really, really nice and lovely, so perfect, but she's sensitive right now as well. She's been wrongly abused and called a slut before and she's really devastated by that. If we were do anything sexual she can feel that she's being slutty at times. How do I kinda word it to try and say 'it's not your fault, but the guys definitely could be being lead on by this?'

    (Original post by pinkbullets)
    I'd just try to tell yourself that if she wanted to be with one of those guys then she would be because it would probably be a lot easier than being in an LDR. It's probably better that she has loads of guy friends to be fair - they can look out for her on nights out etc. and it'll deter creepy randomers from hitting on her. Worrying about this won't help your case - there's nothing more unattractive than insecurity. Be laid back about it, let yourself trust her and if things are meant to work out then they will.
    To both of you:

    Am I fair in thinking that squeezing hands, giving extended/regular hugs, kisses on cheek, sharing small blankets, legs on lap etc are the type of things that could lead guys on? I know if I put myself in their position I'd be thinking I have a shot with her.

    And would you say it's unfair/beyond the grounds of a relationship for a girl to do the above things with guys that are her friends?

    Do I need to tell her to be more concrete with guys who are trying it on with her? Or do I leave her to do it herself?
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    OP - okay that's a little bit different then. I wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend was regularly doing the things you described above with other girls especially when I was so far away and unable to have that intimacy with him. I mean, it sounds like she's just tactile - but what makes it different for me is that these boys don't know about you.

    I certainly don't think you should talk to the guys - it'll make you seem possessive and paranoid. I'd suggest that you either a) befriend these guys (obviously isn't possible until they know about you and your girlfriend). If they're friendly with you, then they'll likely respect your relationship more. b) talk to your girlfriend about it. Calmly, just once, and don't bring it up over and over again. Just lay down what you feel the ground rules of a relationship are, the reasons why you feel this way etc.
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    OP, she's a woman so needs male attention, she's hard wired to chase it. Now what you need to decide is if you think she's capable of going the extra mile for that attention, if you know what I mean.

    But yeah, sounds like she's being a **** tease tbh I'd get rid before she goes too far. Up to you though.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    To both of you:

    Am I fair in thinking that squeezing hands, giving extended/regular hugs, kisses on cheek, sharing small blankets, legs on lap etc are the type of things that could lead guys on? I know if I put myself in their position I'd be thinking I have a shot with her.

    And would you say it's unfair/beyond the grounds of a relationship for a girl to do the above things with guys that are her friends?

    Do I need to tell her to be more concrete with guys who are trying it on with her? Or do I leave her to do it herself?
    To be honest OP - no it's not normal to act like that with anyone you are not attracted to, and tbh if she doesn't see that, then she's naive. The only way I MAY understand if she acts like this is if she has told them about you - but she hasn't. What are the "understandable" reasons exactly???? She needs to tell them about you. If she continues down this route, she will get herself into a lot of trouble. This is where things like abuse and rape stem from, when guys are mislead into thinking one thing, when she wonders around being innocent (I'm going extreme here to make a point, but you get the idea).

    Thinking about it from my own experience, I notice that I tend to act like this when I have just gone through a break up, and I need male attention or male closeness to feel a little better - perhaps this is her way of coping through the LDR??? Either way, it's not an excuse tbh. Would she act like that in front of you if you were there?
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    Not helpful, but I know a fair few people in LDRs and none if them are happy.

    Its not really clear what you want here, or what you can possibly gain.
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    She should have told them about you OP, or the ones that do like her will be thinking that they're in with a good chance! Why hasn't she told them about you? She might just be a natural flirt - one of my best friends is and is always been told that she flirts with everyone - and she should be allowed to have male friends but there needs to be boundaries because she's with you, and she's not respecting them. Her friends aren't at fault for trying what they try with her - she is for not making it clear that she's taken.

    Don't talk to the friends about it, because that won't help, but do talk to your girlfriend about it. Tell her your concerns and say that while you trust her not to cheat on you, she does need to tell these friends about you. I have male friends, and maybe I'm not as close to them as she is to hers, but I would never dream of doing the things she does with them because those things are things I reserve for doing with my boyfriend and my boyfriend only. I understand how you feel here and why you would be paranoid in this situation.
 
 
 
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