Flatmate Left Behind: No house for second year? Watch

Stranger2310
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So the current situation is that all my flatmates have decided on where and who they're living with next year without asking me (the two girls have got a house group together, as do the two boys, and the other girl is living with friends she had from back home who are in their second year).

We spent a lot of time together as a flat in the first month or so, and we still spend a bit of time together now - movie nights, trips to the cinema or into the city, night outs - so as the talk of 2nd year housing began around campus, I'd sort of assumed we'd get a house together. Maybe that was a bit naive of me, because I've just been absolutely stunned and a little shocked to hear that they've all got houses and not said anything to me. I've only found out by their comments of, "I've got a house viewing tomorrow", etc.

I told one of my flatmates that I always thought we'd live together, and she didn't really have any response to it other than, "Sorting out houses this soon is a bit scary, isn't it?" I always keep my door open (whereas the others all shut theirs), and I'm always eager to do things together or socialise with my flat. When it was my birthday I organised a trip into the city for dinner and went to see a concert with one of my flatmates (who happened to love the same band and booked tickets when I told her I had), and I also organised a recent cinema trip that we went to, as well as a trip back to uni over Christmas to have Christmas dinner together when we didn't have exams/assignments to focus on, although we're no longer doing that. I don't go out clubbing as often as they do because I have work and it's not something I'm really that interested in, although if everyone is going then I always will, so I haven't thought that it's an issue due to lack of interaction or anything. I don't know what I've done wrong to not be included.

I don't have any close friends other than my flatmates, and those on my course who I do spend time with and could see myself living with next year have already got groups together or put deposits down.

TL;DR: I'm a bit of a loss at the moment, both from an emotional perspective and a logical one. I know we're only just over two months in, but realising that I've been left behind on this is making me a bit panicked. Has anyone else experienced the same situation and/or knows what to do re: finding a house?

Would you recommend just making a post on the uni Facebook page and seeing if anyone needs another flatmate for their house? I'm not necessarily opposed to living on my own next year or finding a house/flat with someone not at the uni (like on the website "spareroom" or something), but I'd hate to alienate myself from the university/student lifestyle like that. I know if I took that route it'd be so difficult to immerse myself in it, and I wouldn't want to have to wait until third year to get back in.

I'm sorry for the long post - I just wanted to fully explain my situation so it could make some sense to anyone reading!

Thank you so much for any help or advice anyone can give - I'd really appreciate it.

xxxx
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SophieSmall
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(Original post by Stranger2310)
So the current situation is that all my flatmates have decided on where and who they're living with next year without asking me (the two girls have got a house group together, as do the two boys, and the other girl is living with friends she had from back home who are in their second year).

We spent a lot of time together as a flat in the first month or so, and we still spend a bit of time together now - movie nights, trips to the cinema or into the city, night outs - so as the talk of 2nd year housing began around campus, I'd sort of assumed we'd get a house together. Maybe that was a bit naive of me, because I've just been absolutely stunned and a little shocked to hear that they've all got houses and not said anything to me. I've only found out by their comments of, "I've got a house viewing tomorrow", etc.

I told one of my flatmates that I always thought we'd live together, and she didn't really have any response to it other than, "Sorting out houses this soon is a bit scary, isn't it?" Honestly that was such a cop out respinse, it's unlikley she considers you a real friend because if she did she would have at least warned you they were looking for houses and so you should look to even if you weren't going to be living together. Same thing happened to melast year, luckily I was friends with a couple of people in the flat next door so I moved in with them I always keep my door open (whereas the others all shut theirs), and I'm always eager to do things together or socialise with my flat. When it was my birthday I organised a trip into the city for dinner and went to see a concert with one of my flatmates (who happened to love the same band and booked tickets when I told her I had), and I also organised a recent cinema trip that we went to, as well as a trip back to uni over Christmas to have Christmas dinner together when we didn't have exams/assignments to focus on, although we're no longer doing that. I don't go out clubbing as often as they do because I have work and it's not something I'm really that interested in, although if everyone is going then I always will, so I haven't thought that it's an issue due to lack of interaction or anything. I don't know what I've done wrong to not be included.

I don't have any close friends other than my flatmates, and those on my course who I do spend time with and could see myself living with next year have already got groups together or put deposits down.

TL;DR: I'm a bit of a loss at the moment, both from an emotional perspective and a logical one. I know we're only just over two months in, but realising that I've been left behind on this is making me a bit panicked. Has anyone else experienced the same situation and/or knows what to do re: finding a house?

Would you recommend just making a post on the uni Facebook page and seeing if anyone needs another flatmate for their house? I'm not necessarily opposed to living on my own next year or finding a house/flat with someone not at the uni (like on the website "spareroom" or something), but I'd hate to alienate myself from the university/student lifestyle like that. I know if I took that route it'd be so difficult to immerse myself in it, and I wouldn't want to have to wait until third year to get back in.

I'm sorry for the long post - I just wanted to fully explain my situation so it could make some sense to anyone reading!

Thank you so much for any help or advice anyone can give - I'd really appreciate it.

xxxx
All I can advise if that you start trying to widen your social circle now so you have more option of people to live with. As you said it's still early on so there will still be loads of people looking to make friends.

Making a post on a facebook page isn't a bad idea at all, I'd say do that if you haven;t made any progress for finding people to live with in a few months.
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SomeStudent
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Start making other friends. Not a large group, but few so you can become good friends and suggest the idea of moving in together. You still have time to do so
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Inazuma
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Find other friends, it's still early.
I had similar situation but I didn't have the same expectations. Also I only made me good friends starting in February - I don't live with them as was too late, but I hopefully will do next year. Not too late, but you need to cut your losses and branch out essentially.
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arguendo
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You're not the only one, don't worry.

I knew I didn't want to live with my flatmates (got along OK, had girly nights in together, went on nights out together, cooked meals for each other etc, but we didn't click with each other enough for me to want to live with them). I made a great group of friends but met them around this time of year, so they had already decided on their house shares by the time I decided I would want to live with them. Was gutted for a while, but ended up arranging to live with one of my really good friends on my course and her flatmate - it all fell through much later on in spectacular fashion (fell out in a big way), but it hopefully demonstrates that it's not over yet

For the groups of people on your course who you get on with, have you asked them if you could join their share? They may have assumed you were already sorted and not thought of asking you - it's worth trying.

Besides that, there are always people needing an extra. Spare room actually has a student section (student.spareroom.co.uk) and it's also worth asking your accommodation services if the university has any flatmate finder thing. Idk where you are, but for example, the university of London runs a flatmate finder notice board for London, as do several of the UoL universities, and I have heard of similar at other unis.

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Mimir
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Dead common - there's lots of threads on here dealing with the same issue. People are difficult sometimes.

I presume you're Undergraduates, and not mature students. This is how it is unfortunately, people on the whole should be considered as fickle and unreliable when it comes to something like this. Somebody takes the lead that is probably completely inappropriate for it, and because of their selfishness and the mood they might be in at the time they'll change a few things and the others follow suit because it makes life easy, and one less thing they need to worry about arranging themselves.

Don't let yourself be too down about it. They won't be giving it too much thought. It is a real stab in the back and right now you say you feel rejected - and rightly so, they've done that.

I'd get on and organise something - maybe stay in Halls for another year, it's cheaper and you'll have a more constructive study environment that is probably more conveniently located as well as being safe and warm.

Plus, you avoid loo roll wars which can go on for months.

They need to grow up.
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