Messed up so badly, what do I do.? Watch

Kathy 22
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So I posted something on here recently and I got advice, I was told to talk my parents bout my problems, so I did and now that's one thing out of the way. But because I've missed so much class and just locked myself in my house depressed and whenever I think about doing any work, I constantly keep getting negative thoughts which put me off doing anything and end up in a depressive state and just block out everything, relating to uni, class, people, everything. Now because of that Ive messed up so much. My dissertation is a complete mess. I wanted to go to my tutor and you know explain or get help, but whenever I tried, I would get so terrified. I mean, I would get these thoughts like, yeah she'll look down on me and I just could not enter the building when I got there and whenever I tried to even go to lectures I would panic because I would be thinking that everyone was Judging me, thinking I'm a failure, and I just could not go into the building or even talk to anyone there. I don't know where that fear comes from, but I kept on having thoughts like that and end up feeling down, and unmotivated, unenthusiastic about my course. So as a result I have not managed to do anything at all. When I'm at work I'm fine or actually feel better cause it's so busy and I don't really have time to think about anything else other than what I'm doing at the time. But yeah, I talked to my parents about the whole thing well (the main issues anyway) the main thing that stopped me from talking to them till now was the fear of disappointing them but, the have made it clear that I should not worry about what they think or disappointing them I should just focus on what I want, and hearing that made me feel like a heavy weight had been lifted,and now no matter the result disappointing them is not something I should worry about so that's one less thing for me to stress over, you have no idea how much the thought of being a major disappointment to my parents/family scared me. Now the issue is my tutor, I wanna go and talk to her but just like with my parents, I keep getting thoughts like "she's gonna judge me" " she'll think I'm a worthless person" "maybe I am worthless" " I haven't done a lot of the work she'll obviously think I'm a pathetic nobody who is not worth being on the course. " " if I ask for more time for my dissertation I'll have to talk to course leader. They'll both look down on me," " they all think I'm pathetic ..." And so on. Our course tutor is new she started this year and I'm redoing my final yr meaning I'm surrounded by with new faces, so talking to her is kinda difficult. My dissertation is due next Monday and I am working on it, but I am absolutely terrified of going into uni after missing so much class and explaining all that I've said above to my tutor I just keep getting images or scenarios in my head of them looking at me with disdain. What do I do? Also telling her about being depressed, I can't come out and say it, a part of me feels ashamed and basically I keep thinking that she'll look at me weird, ya know. And also my classmates might treat me weird as well. Say one thing or act one way to my face and another way when my back is turned.
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democracyforum
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Report 4 years ago
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It might be........selfish to miss so much class, then one day randomly return.

However I think teachers are the most tolerant, understanding, co-operative people in society. They have seen so much and experienced so many types of people, they will maybe just understand and accept your situation.

Perhaps you wouldn't have to explain why you missed so much class. If the teacher is kind, they may just say, welcome back, and not interrogate you.
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Wimbs
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Go in , head held high and explain what has happened. It is afr better you come clean now than hand in no dissertation. They will only really thing badly of you then!
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