Boyfriend did nothing for my birthday Watch

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Ingrid<3
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We've been together 2 years, we're expecting a baby together and we plan on getting married next year. But for the second year in a row he has done absolutely nothing for me on my birthday. He said happy birthday and that is it. Last year i bought him a present i knew he wanted and took him out to the fanciest and most expensive restaurant in town, and i took him there again this year for his birthday. But he did NOTHING for me, he made the excuse that because we had been away for a couple of days he hadn't had time to make any reservations. But he's organised nothing since then, not even flowers or chocolates. I got upset about this and cried the other night, I told him how hurt it made me feel. He said sorry but has still made no plans. Right now things are a bit tense and I'm withholding sex because I'm angry that he completely ignored everything I said. He seems to have absolutely no regard for my feelings. I keep complaining about it because I still can't believe he's done nothing. I don't know what to do, should I just stop bringing it up and hope he organises something? Should I keep withholding, will that make him realise how I feel? I don't feel he deserves sex if he can't even take me out on my birthday. How can guys say they love someone and completely disregard their feelings like this? Advice please!
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street.lovin'
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I entered this thread expecting a huge essay from a spoilt brat who *****es and moans that her birthday was not organised and fancy as she wished her boyfriend to have done. However, after reading your post I am feeling sympathetic and I hope things get sorted out soon.

I am easily pleased, so it would not bother in the slightest if nothing is done on my birthday - although I would still like to at least have a couple of hours with my BF to have good time, even if it means only laying in bed snuggling I do not know your boyfriend and honestly you are so far into the relationship that you are already planning marriage, first thing you should ask is whether it is really a big deal?

Did he expect you to take him out on a fancy meal on his birthday? I am not saying that he does not have to return the favour if he didn't ask for you to do it in the first place, I do agree that is is a bit unthoughtful of him to not at least do something a little more than saying Happy Birthday. I just don't think you should make a huge deal out of it at all, as much as I don't think you are being silly. Save your time and tears for other problems even bigger than not having a birthday organised by your boyfriend.

Can you recall anything else that he has done for you? Remember I have zero info about your boyfriend so I do not know what he is like as a person, it is possible he is saving money to do something huge in the future? Maybe he feels that throwing a birthday (not sure if you were expecting a huge party) would be a waste of money since you guys are expecting a baby?

My boyfriend is similar to that in many ways where he unintentionally did something that upset me - I told him and he said sorry and still did not attempt to do anything to make up for it. However, it is also very important to be able to put this behind you. Do not fight over it. You are getting married next year, and he is marrying you and having a baby with you

Please do not get too sad about it. ^.^ Try to think about all the good things you have done together.

PS. Again, I must repeat that I have zero knowledge of your boyfriend, my advice will either bring positive or negative consequence depending on how much of an ******* he is. If he is not a **** in nature, then yeah take my advice. :3
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stargirl63
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I would feel upset as well tbh.I wouldn't get so upset as to cry, but the fact that he doesn't register that he should have done a little more is rather irritating. If he is one of those guys who does do a load of other stuff for you during the year, then I would say don't worry about it, but if he doesn't, and this was his one chance to, and he still didn't - then I don't know. Maybe he doesn't think birthdays are a big deal (a guy I dated was like this). I'm surprised that you took him out twice for his, when he hasn't even taken you out once.

I'm sorry OP - I don't really know what to say.
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TroyAndAbed
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(Original post by Ingrid<3)
We've been together 2 years, we're expecting a baby together and we plan on getting married next year. But for the second year in a row he has done absolutely nothing for me on my birthday. He said happy birthday and that is it. Last year i bought him a present i knew he wanted and took him out to the fanciest and most expensive restaurant in town, and i took him there again this year for his birthday. But he did NOTHING for me, he made the excuse that because we had been away for a couple of days he hadn't had time to make any reservations. But he's organised nothing since then, not even flowers or chocolates. I got upset about this and cried the other night, I told him how hurt it made me feel. He said sorry but has still made no plans. Right now things are a bit tense and I'm withholding sex because I'm angry that he completely ignored everything I said. He seems to have absolutely no regard for my feelings. I keep complaining about it because I still can't believe he's done nothing. I don't know what to do, should I just stop bringing it up and hope he organises something? Should I keep withholding, will that make him realise how I feel? I don't feel he deserves sex if he can't even take me out on my birthday. How can guys say they love someone and completely disregard their feelings like this? Advice please!
Maybe he is saving up to provide for your wedding and your baby. They can be very costly endeavors.
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fredscarecrow
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Ive been with my partner near enough 3 years and were getting married in 2016. I didnt get a card or anything for mine either! I guess I just put mine down to knowing what he is like. I spend a lot on presents, put thought into it, save up for it etc. But he isnt like that - for anyone. Yes id like him fo make the effort, but he's late for everyones birthday including his own mothers! So really I suppose I was lucky to get a happy birthday on the right day!

Witholding sex etc is a dangerous game. Maybe you need to talk to him even more about it - this ia how your actions made me feel etc etc. Communication is key and far more productive than witholding things.

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Musie Suzie
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The way you seem to view sex makes me sad.

Additionally, men are not mindreaders. Sit him down, tell him exactly why you are upset, and how he can cheer you up. Be very specific, even suggesting the time and location for a nice meal if he doesn't say much. Then ask him to try and remember to make an effort for you next year.

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MaseratiJay
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The withholding thing just...no.

I am sorry you cried OP, that's not good, especially on your birthday, what you did for him is very nice. But it is slightly irrelevant in the sense that you shouldn't be comparing what was done, if that makes sense?
If he knows it is important to you then he really needs to step up! Especially give the situation you two are in (baby and marriage etc).

You need to talk to him about it, sit him down and tell literally how you feel and make sure he actually knows you are being serious too. Literally tell him you'd like for you two to still do something even though your birthday has passed and you'd like him to plan it because it would be special and mean a lot to you. Or something like that.

None of this withholding nonsense though, what is this? You are too old..in fact you know what, EVERYONE is too old to be playing mind games, they have no place in life. If you genuinely don't feel like sex then fair enough but to not do it to 'teach him a lesson' quite frankly psychotic.

Edit: Just re-read it ..second year in a row? You two need to sort that out then, let him know how much it means to you, and he should be wiling to compromise. Don't marry him and then be that woman who complains that 'he is not romantic anymore' when he never was to begin with. He won't change just because you are married. If he is doing that now, and it seems to be a trend with him...don't expect him to change when you are married. Sort it out now
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jenkinsear
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I've never understood why people care about birthdays. It's just a capitalist obsession to make you go and spend money. If you don't feel loved/cared about all year round, why would you marry him? I also don't think a lot of guys attach the level of importance you seem to birthdays, nor the stereotypically "romantic gestures". As someone else pointed out, he's probably trying to save money. Add to that the idea of becoming a father etc is a stressful thing for a guy, it's kind of harsh to expect him to read your mind and get everything perfect.

Also how you describe sex is appalling. It's not a weapon. It's not about "deserving" it either. That all sounds like something out of an American chick flick. I think you perhaps have maturity issues given the obsession with stereotypical material demonstrations of affection and how you view sexuality.
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Advanced Subsidiary
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Withholding sex because you didn't get a toy on your birthday. :rofl2:

The rest I can kinda understand.. you need to speak to him though, as said above he can't read your mind.

Still hilarious that you're going to such lengths because of this though.
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DorianGrayism
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Tbh........I feel bad for you.....It is only 2 years and you have a kid with him.

He sounds like a bit of idiot.....but then you did pick him.
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Tiger Rag
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Did you ever drop any hints as to what you'd want for your birthday? Some people really are rubbish at thinking about what to get others.
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Zarek
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(Original post by Ingrid<3)
We've been together 2 years, we're expecting a baby together and we plan on getting married next year. But for the second year in a row he has done absolutely nothing for me on my birthday. He said happy birthday and that is it. Last year i bought him a present i knew he wanted and took him out to the fanciest and most expensive restaurant in town, and i took him there again this year for his birthday. But he did NOTHING for me, he made the excuse that because we had been away for a couple of days he hadn't had time to make any reservations. But he's organised nothing since then, not even flowers or chocolates. I got upset about this and cried the other night, I told him how hurt it made me feel. He said sorry but has still made no plans. Right now things are a bit tense and I'm withholding sex because I'm angry that he completely ignored everything I said. He seems to have absolutely no regard for my feelings. I keep complaining about it because I still can't believe he's done nothing. I don't know what to do, should I just stop bringing it up and hope he organises something? Should I keep withholding, will that make him realise how I feel? I don't feel he deserves sex if he can't even take me out on my birthday. How can guys say they love someone and completely disregard their feelings like this? Advice please!
Different people have different views on the importance of birthdays and if you're not an enthusiast (like me) its difficult to grasp why it's so important. This said from what you say I would have though he might have grasped its important to you. Unless he did it deliberately in protest. Anyway aren't you cutting off your nose to spite your face, what if you feel like a bonk? More seriously I think you need to talk it through with him camly and have makeup sex or alternatively dump him..
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Gambit92
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"I don't feel he deserves sex if he can't even take me out on my birthday."

Just lol
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angelcipriano99
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I think your right with holding sex. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings and if someone actually loves you they would go to far measures to get you AT LEAST a card and chocolate.


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gr8wizard10
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Lol, witholding sex = straight dump.
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sebotobes
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(Original post by TroyAndAbed)
Maybe he is saving up to provide for your wedding and your baby. They can be very costly endeavors.
My first thought too, rational thinking obviously flew straight out of the window.

OP - Do you withhold sex as a punishment because he enjoys it more than you do? Dangerous play.
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perflous
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Did he say WHY he didn't bother? That might give you a clue.
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Violet66
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I totally agree! Same thing happened on my Birthday. I got nothing. I withheld everything Sex, Cooking, Cleaning and I left him not too long after that.
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Tootles
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(Original post by Violet66)
I totally agree! Same thing happened on my Birthday. I got nothing. I withheld everything Sex, Cooking, Cleaning and I left him not too long after that.
It's not impossible that OP did the same, seeng as this thread is four years old.
Violet66
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(Original post by Tootles)
It's not impossible that OP did the same, seeng as this thread is four years old.
I felt the OP's pain yesterday during my own Birthday. To me a Birthday is special. It's only once a year and, in my opinion, a romantic partner should make it special. I am not calling for an expensive Dinner or gifts, but something, at least a Card.

Personally I had no desire yesterday for my boyfriend and I know it showed. Now today I will try to make the peace with him, but I will never forget this and when his Birthday comes around I will not do anything. Just like he did nothing for me.

I know this sounds childish, but it is what it is. Forever damaged. I wonder if he really loves me. Now I have doubts.
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