Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Im 19 and my mother still hits me. HELP ME watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    PLEASE DONT MOVE THIS TO THE ABUSE Q&A section. I'll get more responses here. Its urgent

    So, I come from an east african background ,im 19 and a girl.I live with my single mother and 4 younger siblings. I recently started uni and although im still living at home, I've made friends (I never used to have friends before uni so never went out) and like to go out and socialise (not party). I went bowling yesterday with my friends and my mum knew about this before I went. She started blowing up my phone around 9pm asking me to comr home and insulting me saying im probably not bowling and doing something else with the 'bad friends' ive made at uni (she hasnt even seen them let alone met them) and when i came home at around 10.45 (my house is so far from the area we were at) she started beating me with a hanger whilst keep asking 'where i really went' http://static1.tsrfiles.co.uk/11.22/...s/s-smilie.gif . After a while I exploded and told her i was ****ing sick of being treated like a child and that i would get married so i could leave this ****hole (cant move till married for cultural reasons) And asked why my bro whos 18 comes home at 2am sometimes never gets beaten. When she left, my little sister came into my room and I vented to her and so did she. Little did we know my mum was listening. She came in and asked why we were 'insulting her' and that she does everything for us and then started crying :/ I couldnt stop wondering WHY. What should I do? Im sick of getting hit everytime i do something wrong
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    PLEASE DONT MOVE THIS TO THE ABUSE Q&A section. I'll get more responses here. Its urgent

    So, I come from an east african background ,im 19 and a girl.I live with my single mother and 4 younger siblings. I recently started uni and although im still living at home, I've made friends (I never used to have friends before uni so never went out) and like to go out and socialise (not party). I went bowling yesterday with my friends and my mum knew about this before I went. She started blowing up my phone around 9pm asking me to comr home and insulting me saying im probably not bowling and doing something else with the 'bad friends' ive made at uni (she hasnt even seen them let alone met them) and when i came home at around 10.45 (my house is so far from the area we were at) she started beating me with a hanger whilst keep asking 'where i really went' http://static1.tsrfiles.co.uk/11.22/...s/s-smilie.gif . After a while I exploded and told her i was ****ing sick of being treated like a child and that i would get married so i could leave this ****hole (cant move till married for cultural reasons) And asked why my bro whos 18 comes home at 2am sometimes never gets beaten. When she left, my little sister came into my room and I vented to her and so did she. Little did we know my mum was listening. She came in and asked why we were 'insulting her' and that she does everything for us and then started crying :/ I couldnt stop wondering WHY. What should I do? Im sick of getting hit everytime i do something wrong
    Dont get hit react quicker than her and just go in your room with your earphones in. Problem=Solved

    But really try and move out and maybe visit like once in a blue moon, she will realise what she did and regret it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    sorry about that random link. Dunno how it got there
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Did you not read my post. I cant move out!!)
    (Original post by Shadoo)
    Dont get hit react quicker than her and just go in your room with your earphones in. Problem=Solved

    But really try and move out and maybe visit like once in a blue moon, she will realise what she did and regret it.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    PLEASE DONT MOVE THIS TO THE ABUSE Q&A section. I'll get more responses here. Its urgent

    So, I come from an east african background ,im 19 and a girl.I live with my single mother and 4 younger siblings. I recently started uni and although im still living at home, I've made friends (I never used to have friends before uni so never went out) and like to go out and socialise (not party). I went bowling yesterday with my friends and my mum knew about this before I went. She started blowing up my phone around 9pm asking me to comr home and insulting me saying im probably not bowling and doing something else with the 'bad friends' ive made at uni (she hasnt even seen them let alone met them) and when i came home at around 10.45 (my house is so far from the area we were at) she started beating me with a hanger whilst keep asking 'where i really went' http://static1.tsrfiles.co.uk/11.22/...s/s-smilie.gif . After a while I exploded and told her i was ****ing sick of being treated like a child and that i would get married so i could leave this ****hole (cant move till married for cultural reasons) And asked why my bro whos 18 comes home at 2am sometimes never gets beaten. When she left, my little sister came into my room and I vented to her and so did she. Little did we know my mum was listening. She came in and asked why we were 'insulting her' and that she does everything for us and then started crying :/ I couldnt stop wondering WHY. What should I do? Im sick of getting hit everytime i do something wrong
    I knew you had to be African. I'm African as well although I stopped getting beaten awhile ago. I can understand how your mum feels as my mum is a single mother as well. It can be really frustrating if she's doing everything by herself. I don't think its appropriate for her to hit you though. You are an adult after all. My mum always asks me where I am and who I'm with but that's just cos she cares. You need to talk to her calmly if you can. Other than that I really have no clue what you can do besides that. I've been there so I do know how you feel. She's your mum hopefully she will understand. Wish you the best!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Why can't you move out OP?
    Offline

    20
    (Original post by Bellarrr)
    Why can't you move out OP?
    Can you read?

    Spoiler:
    Show
    She isn't allowed to move out before marriage.
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Escape. At the end of the day you are an adult and she does not own you. It may be difficult, but doable nonetheless.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Did you not read my post. I cant move out!!)
    You need to move out. For your own mental and physical health. Surely your religion (or any other reason you might have for not moving out) would prefer you to be happy living on your own, than being abused at home?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Your mum shouldn't be smacking you or other children this is a form of abuse contact social services or anon police she needs to stop. Its against the law what she is doing.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    i think its just the way she was raised and thats how her parents reacted when frustrated its a cultural clash really but l feel you l have never been beaten by my mom but im E.A like you an yeah she blows up my phone big time.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissLalaxx)
    I knew you had to be African. I'm African as well although I stopped getting beaten awhile ago. I can understand how your mum feels as my mum is a single mother as well. It can be really frustrating if she's doing everything by herself. I don't think its appropriate for her to hit you though. You are an adult after all. My mum always asks me where I am and who I'm with but that's just cos she cares. You need to talk to her calmly if you can. Other than that I really have no clue what you can do besides that. I've been there so I do know how you feel. She's your mum hopefully she will understand. Wish you the best!
    im east african well lower east african tanzaina and my mum beats me with a hanger when i dont do chores :/ my dad does nothing tho fml but meh im numb now i want to go to a really far uni i cant stand it she stopped now and im ok but its just a discipline thing i guess
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by OG-J3nn)
    i think its just the way she was raised and thats how her parents reacted when frustrated its a cultural clash really but l feel you l have never been beaten by my mom but im E.A like you an yeah she blows up my phone big time.
    Whats e.a?
    But im an adult? I just got hit extremely badly earlier on for defending my little sister (kicks, pinches etc.)

    (Original post by abbiemac)
    You need to move out. For your own mental and physical health. Surely your religion (or any other reason you might have for not moving out) would prefer you to be happy living on your own, than being abused at home?
    Moving out would cause more harm than good. All my relatives would be on my mums side and i would be extremely lonely and be the family outcast. My plan is to get married as soon as I graduate and move as far away as possible.

    I got hit really badly earlier for defending my little sister. I cant even move properly i guess i have to be patient
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    l'm east african like you but can't you defend yourself without hitting her and breaking cultural boundaries she needs to know that diciplining a child is not the same as abusing an adult and in the end she might end up just pushing you away

    - this situation really sucks
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Whats e.a?
    But im an adult? I just got hit extremely badly earlier on for defending my little sister (kicks, pinches etc.)



    Moving out would cause more harm than good. All my relatives would be on my mums side and i would be extremely lonely and be the family outcast. My plan is to get married as soon as I graduate and move as far away as possible.

    I got hit really badly earlier for defending my little sister. I cant even move properly i guess i have to be patient
    You're an adult then. Hit her back.

    Imo, you need to move out. You can live without 'family', and be independent. It will take a lot, but you can do it.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    you guys are so white, theres no way she can move lol

    (dont ****ing delete this post you **** mods its all banter.)
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Do you have a Dad?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by OG-J3nn)
    l'm east african like you but can't you defend yourself without hitting her and breaking cultural boundaries she needs to know that diciplining a child is not the same as abusing an adult and in the end she might end up just pushing you away

    - this situation really sucks
    I honestly cant defend myself and she wont listen

    I hate my life right now.

    (Original post by abbiemac)
    You're an adult then. Hit her back.

    Imo, you need to move out. You can live without 'family', and be independent. It will take a lot, but you can do it.
    I cant hit my own mum back
    Im just gonna give her the silent treatment. I really wish i had a part time job. I hate relying on her so much.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Uw0tm8_)
    Do you have a Dad?
    He passed away in 2009. I would move out and live with him if he was still alive
    • #2
    #2

    Parents are really threatening and make good on their threats . I'm from an oriental asian background, it's the norm for parents to hit their kids. I'm also 18, a legal adult and I've threatened my own mum, pretended to call the police but one word from her in that threatening tone shocks me to not do anything because she's actually so scary.
    Doing anything against it, fighting back ends up with more pain for the kid and everything only gets worse.
    For OP to move out, it'd need to be done very quickly, all the stuff organised and then move out completely within a few hours when the parent isn't home and then completely avoid the parent for a few weeks not days for it to calm down a bit. No going back if someone is forgotten because she'd get caught.
    I've also got siblings and I have to defend them, block the hits so my parents just beat me more to make up for me not letting them beat my younger sibling because they can't get their frustration out on who they initially wanted to.
    I won't be able to move out unless I can take my younger sibling with me because then all the anger and frustration would be taken out on them and I can't bear them to be in pain.
    Completely understand how OP feels.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 27, 2016
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.